Been There/Done That/& Bought the TShirt

So..I have come to a conclusion.. well I actually did last night at about 1am... and no I wasn't home at my home reading...I was actually out..I know crazy right..anyways... here is the story from the beginning....so..last girl's get together we all talked about actually "going out" and have a few and just have a good time...that was a month ago..so last night was approaching fast...this whole week I'd become more and more nervous... the plans were to meet at Ash & Corey's house at 8pm... so after dropping off kids and saying goodbyes we get home and get changed...I'm in panic mode...what do I wear..do I have anything clean...I get a text from lace saying thinking of ya have a good time!...my reply to her is..I'm so nervous- I'm gonna be out of place...her response...."Start drinking now" ....lol..so I get my girly drinks...I'm pretty well calm by the time we get to Ash's... well..we head to Froggys...I will admit...besides all the nasty sweaty people crammed into this little place...it was fun seeing friends... I seen a old best friend I had not seen since Graduation...yes ...Graduation....it was nice...and we quickly both admit after not seeing each other in forever to face stalking each other... lol...After a few mixed drinks from the bar...which 5 bucks a pop was disgusting..I'm so cheap... thats all I could think about..why would I go somewhere and pay that much a drink...aahh..and then there were a few shots..that were absolutely disgusting... as humble and polite to take them b.c. My girls bought them..but still... gross...that did me over...and  on the way home which were a "series of unforgettable events"...lets just say I ended up having to wash a vehicle on the inside and out.... I have come to the conclusion...1. I don't want to do that again in a very long time ..2 I love my friends and wish I had more time with them....3. all night while catching up with people- I always talked about my kids..which I can stand to be without them  and lastly 4. I actually survived last night. I didn't melt into a puddle...or turn into a pumpkin when the clock stroke midnight...that infact if I really wanted to..Me and Jake could go out and party..but its not at the top of our list... oh and the very last thing...6. I love you Jacob... he was out DD last night...
I really don't got much more to say..its to nice of a day to waste writing on here...but I'm kind of updating this for a few people and you know who you are... :) luv ya'll

So.. my weekend was pretty busy.. Friday was spent shopping for Jessy's wedding shower...Saturday..hmm..I'm not even sure to be real honest...and then Sunday was the shower...
As I was falling asleep Saturday I realized... it was May 21st.. Stuart was exactly 11mos..and oh my.. Its been a year since my Mystery has been gone... a year of not riding any horses... man.. that's sad..  and I hadn't really thought about the actual date being so consumed in the shower that Sunday... and I started thinking about it all..Sondra is one odd bird.. now she hadn't brought up Myst for a while now.. talks more about Bella being mine..so when we were on our way to my Mom's Fridays I would drop her off she blurts out.. "Mystery is Dead Mom......long long pause.... and she is not coming back...your gonna have to love Bella now."...wow thanks Sondra... lol... then she tells me how she will pray for me that night... then... at Sunday School she we go around and say what we would like prayed for...Sondra says.. Mystery... heh.. she baffles me somedays...

So... Father Son banquet is coming up..I am very excited about.. last year I really wanted to do a fish fry...but seeing how I was 8 months pregnant at the time and not much in for hard labor we did something a bit easier... so this year being the president of WF I decided lets do it!..I am so excited...the menu will consist of: Fried Fish, Fried Chicken (for the non Fish lovers), Coleslaw, Corn Bread, and French Fries... I wish I could eat that right now!.. lol.. I'm excited to get it all taken care of and help rounded up...

So.. the baby sitter dilema is getting bad... I have come to the conclusion that a day care isn't in our reach. There is no way I am going to pay over half my paycheck to let someone else raise my kids... just not. So now I am off looking for Home Babysitters... I'm not sure what will happen if I don't find one that fits us...that just isn't a option... man I hate this..have I said that already???...

this weekend on Saturday Jake and I are going out with Sarah AshleyCorey(hubby)... got baby sitters lined up and all..I'm excited but not lol... they are going to be disappointed when they realize I really can't drink much of anything anymore... we are going to Froggys(?)..never been there..but I am sure it will be fun... I love these girls...they got me through high school with such funny memories...


Also..to all my friends.... I am sorry I have been so Distant and away lately..have had a lot on my plate and trying to get the stuff done!... I hate being so busy I don't talk to anyone. June is going to be one crazy butt month..and I hate that..

I have had one moment that I can tell you I have failed epically as a mom... I threw Sondra a 1st bday party...well... for Stuart I just don't think its going to happen... i think I'll have just a small family dinner with Jake & I's immediate family and a cake will have to suffice...and that will be even on Father's Day... which I don't know how well that will work...arrhh... next year he will get a big party and Sondra too together! 

Welp I must be going... I'll write later

The Story.Wanted:Affordablefull timeBabysitter,HorseyAround.ShowerTroubles

Every morning when I get to work and start my invoices from the day before I always listen to the song The Story by Brandi Charlie...when I first heard of it I seen it on Greys anatomy when Dr. Callie Torres sang it..I loved it..loved the words... so next day I find it and original singer...aah..even better..so every morning I listen to it and think of Jake...I love how song can just describe your life so perfectly..

So.. I'm yet again going to be needing a new sitter.. My regular sitter will be going back to school in the fall...after hearing this I sit and ponder why is it all my sitters that I have had end up going back to school or find a job in the workforce... my kids must have that affect on people ...lol..I know they don't..just kidding.. So my mission to you is: Do you know any good Babysitters around AE area or Lima area that don't charge a arm and a leg. I've reached out to some area sitters and for 2 kids they charging close to 200 bucks a week... if I'm gonna pay that kind of money I should get them into a day care center... wow.. thinking about all this..gets me really stressed....

so right now as you can imagine..I'm not in a bright shiny mood... heh...There are few and very far between moments that I wish I would have gone to college this is one of them b.c. then I may have had a better job and money really wouldn't be a concern and I could enroll my kids in any daycare I dang well pleased.... Its life.. I guess.. I absolutely believe there are reasons for everything and God works in ways that I don't even begin to understand and maybe he getting me ready for something big.. I don't know.

 Man! I don't want to be a debbie downer..I guess get it all out now so when I pick my kids up I'm bright and shiny and happy....

We ran to my parents house yesterday and Sondra had seen they had a round pen set up in the barn...she was ecstatic... she ran into me and screamed MOM the Big girls are in the barn the Big Girls (Krista and Beauty - The spotted drafts)... and said they are??? and she says they have the round pen up!!!!..and of course I play along and I say well what does that mean??..and she screams!..I get to train my horse now!!!... so cute..the look on her face was so priceless..she has been waiting forever to be able to ride her pony...

this weekend is my sister's bridal shower!...I hate that not a lot of people RSVP'd but nobody ever does!..which is very annoying... so we got to plan for a certain amount no matter what... but we are still figuring out food..which is easy on my wallet to serve at a shower on a Sunday at 2pm..any suggestions lol.. let us can get it Friday and have it ready for Sunday.

Well I must be going.. Pray for me and my sanity...pray for all the innocent children born and yet to be born... and pray for unspoken prayers..

 

Also of Sondra today..Bras...Baby Sisters..Walking Man...

I have an incredible urge to just blurt out everything that is running through my mind... hmm..where to start...
I'm not complaining but Mother's day came and went... pretty much like any other Sunday of mine...except I was able to get my yearling Bella out with the help of Jake and Mom..she is still lively but calms down when you get your hands on her...still disappoints me a bit.. I look at her and miss my own horse... Bella just doesn't seem like mine yet.. Jake will start training her to drive this summer... I made ribs for the first time for Sunday dinner...they were good...had yeast rolls that you leave out and they rise too..yum!.....and this is why I will always be over weight..damn...

I put Sondra to bed that night and gave her a extra long head and thanked her for making me a Momma..and she said "What!?"..I explained to her the day she was  born I was a officially Momma!..and she replies Your welcome Mommy..your the best Mommy even when your mean too... which was a awe moment b.c. I deserved that b.c. she commented to me how fat I was getting Saturday... :)...and I asked further and she says well you gotta get fat b.c. your going to have my baby sister..and my reply was no matter how bad you want a baby sister in my belly its not going to be there for a very long time..and she says well your giving me one whether you like it or not... lol :) Happy Mothers day Joie :)
I feel a bit I don't know..I feel more negative than positive for some reason... I just can't snap out of it...
For Sondra & Stuart's Grandma's we made  a special treat and dropped them off...I had a recipe for "cake pops"...but we got lazy and made them to big so we couldn't get them to stay on the sucker sticks..so then they became cake balls..so good..little bites of cake...heaven :)...

On Sunday I went back and forth about whether to take some for my Sunday school class b.c. I had a "mother's day activity"..but Sondra is usually the only one there... and I have already had enough of them..so like every week I planned like I had the 3 potential kids I know for sure that could or should be there..sure enough...I had 2 kids in my class!..very happy!

Here is a Sondra story that all will laugh at but I was genuinely concerned about.. heh..
So Friday I met my Mom at Walmart..she took Sondra shopping while I did my shopping with Stuart...its just so much easier to go shopping with one kid..anyways...so I am pushing my cart across to the grocery side when I come up on a little girl saying she wanted a bra and she needed it and blah blah blah..I quickly realize it is my daughter trying to reason with my Mom... I had a moment of blank blinking and a smirk... then my Mom says Sondra one I am not buying you a padded bra you don't have nothing to fill it with yet and 2 its up to what your mom says...aw thanks Mom!.. so she is staring at me...and I'm thinking dang this!.. She has moved up in sizes so she hasn't been to "big" girls side and spotted the Bras...so I ask her Sondra why do you want a bra???.. her reply is b.c. she doesn't want nobody to see her Boobs...and she just really wants one...and she has big boobs and she needs to cover them... lol.. so I made it very clear to her if she doesn't wear her them right and tries showing them off- I'm taking them from her!....and then  telling Jake about our shopping trip he was a bit tongue tied too..lol..he says don't you deal with this stuff when she is like 13 or 14?...lol OH Jake..you have much to learn about girls.....Sondra just really shocked us!..She'll be 4 in June... I am really big on not making little girls grow up to fast or I hate the fact little girls are "sexualized" so young..and so I just thought why does she want a bra??.. What am I doing to make her want one...and then thinking and thinking... I come to a conclusion..she knows what they are. she has always been curious of them she she sees mine in the laundry basket.. She knows you are supposed to wear them... so if she behaves right with one on can it really be a awful thing..it makes her feel like a "big girl"... and also some of it comes from our baby sitter's daughters who are older..so she wants to be like them...so really this could help in the idea of private parts stay covered and all that..b..c this girl has no shame!..at night she'll get out of her bed and go potty and she'll come out to living room to ask one of us to shut her door and she is standing there without a stitch of clothing on and not even trying to cover anything up..and I say Sondra where are your clothes?..her reply..I don't need them when I sleep....so..the whole "bra-Gate" situation is under control so far...please don't make a big deal about bras to her..I thought twice before telling this story but in the end I thought it was too funny...and I'm sure everyone will be considerate and not say anything to her about it b.c. to her bras are private and we don't talk or show them to anyone....well that is at least I am trying to instill in her

Stuart has been walking more and more..I caught him a few times choosing to walk instead of crawl this weekend..my heart flutters...I like it when he walks to find me and has his arms lifted up..and he is pretty proud of himself too..its quite cute!... he is such a lovable baby I can't stand it... he is growing up way too fast and I hate that part...

I have a exciting night tonight..we are going over to Kari's to sheer goats..thats who I babysat for a little while so Sondra will be able to play with the kids and she is going to love that...
I must be going :)

Friday..it doesn't even feel like you!

What a crazy few days it has been... Jake's Grandpa Sidey passed away last Sunday..so Tuesday night Wednesday and Thursday was full of the viewing and then service on Thursday. Although not how I want to meet all the Sidey family but it was neat meeting all of them. Seeing resemblances of my husband on the Sidey side... he looks much more like a Sidey..but they were all a funny bunch and quite interesting..

We got our back room cleaned up yesterday! and we brought our deep freeze over..its so nice!... its so nice b.c. one its not all the way in the basement and we don't have to fight over who has to go down there and 2- we will have much more freezer space!... Thank you Grandma Clum..such a sweetheart...

Stuart has been coughing all week and congested and then he has been pretty irritable..still his happy self but not totally so I took him to the doc and he has a ear infection in his left year!..poor boy!... but all weekend we have been trying to get him to walk or take more steps..so its me and him in the doctor's office room and we are waiting for her to come in and I probably shouldn't have let him down but I was letting him play on the floor..I was just spent from the whole week..the night before Sondra had a night terror when we stayed the night at Jake's parents house..so I didn't sleep a straight night's sleep so I was just sitting there trying to stay awake when all of a sudden Stuart just walked across the room!... lol.. I had to do a like a retake like..did he just do that????... lol.. then he takes another stroll and I started cheering and clapping Yay STUART!!...the doctor came and checked on us b.c. I guess I was so loud! lol.. I just am a proud Mommy I guess... but I told her no everything is alright my son JUST started walking like its no big deal!..lol.. .anyways.. hopefully he keeps this up!... how exciting!~..that was a perfect mother's day gift from him.. :)

I have no idea really what we are doing all weekend.. Jake & Sondra are going to cook me a Mother's Day meal sometime..which that will be really interesting lol... I gotta go grocery shopping sometime..probably tonight!... I hate grocery shopping... I hate Walmart...I cut a few coupons..so hopefully...I can get on this coupon kick..and try to save a little money...

Off I go!..

1234 Gramps Sundayschool HSYG kids

So many things right now are on my mind... 1 My Grandpa....2 My Sunday School Class...3 the yet start up of a Youth group in our church....4 My love for my Children.

1
My Grandpa.. love him... Ever since I can remember he has been a big guy. But a strong guy...but being a big guy gives him a lot of disadvantages...He has trouble breathing and getting enough oxygen..like with his CO2 levels and stuff mixed up he gets very confused and acts not very normal. the next step to help him with his oxygen level- he has said many of a times he won't do it...  But he sees things and all other sorts. He may do things that make people laugh or say things that make them laugh...but sometimes he will see Grandma or talk to her...it only makes sense that he is "seeing" Grandma b.c. I beleive he truly wants to see her. I'd probably be in that same boat- I wouldn't harm myself by any means but I wouldn't be doing any extra stuff to keep me here..I would want to see Jake..I'm not sure if I want to go first or Jake...I would hate that feeling of "left behind" but on the other hand Jake does not do well with change... I would really appreciate it for everyone to pray for God's Will..I don't know what that direction really leads to but I pray whatever it may be to let it happen. My will for him is he could get up and not have a problem breathing or walking...My will would be for him to live many and many more years decades..but that isn't how life goes... I on one hand would love for him to get to see Grandma and meet his heavenly Father which I know will happen eventually... on the other hand I want him to keep going because like Grandma - they kept our family glued together. Every Sunday we met at their house for dinner..and thats where we made a lot memories that forged us all together close... I'm afraid how our family will be redefined after Grandpa is gone...
UPDATE: 04/29 - Grandpa is talking like he might do the next step...we'll wait and see but as long as he does what he feels is right- that only matters.

2
My Sunday School class has been kind of a sore subject lately...I haven't had great attendance this quarter and its bothering me..so I'm starting over and doing something totally different..throwing the regular curriculum out the window and doing something new. I've decided we are going to do the ABCs..Each week we will have a Letter. in  a few weeks we will start with A. Theme will be A is for Angel. WE will have preschool worksheets where they are going to learn how to trace the letter A and they will take practice sheets home to practice and we will have a Bible story that corresponds with the Letter. I have not decided yet on all the bible stories but I'm trying to make lessons before next quarter starts... I am hoping more than Sondra is just there..although only one is just as important but I would love to see my class grow..b.c. usually if my class grows that means the people that brought that kid means they are attending a class at HCC and learning and growing in their faith! Which that is our ultimate goal. So also pray for my attendance and for God to work through me.

3
Helping Jake start a High School Youth Group at our church.- now this is what I am most nervous about. Our church is lacking a High school group. Mostly because of their schedules our HS groups usually disappear after a few months... its not out of effort on leaders parts- its just the kids today have so much crap shoved down on them and Youth Group isn't a big priority. (Which we really want to change that) Jake has been wanting to start a youth group which in turn I'm on board. If this means a lot to him I am will and ready to help. We still are in the process of figuring this all out. We have never did anything like this on this scale. I'm nervous crazy and just wondering what will unfold. when thinking about helping with youth group many of my short comings pop up. 1. am I really that deep in my faith that people should really trust me with their young adults kid's faith. 2. the things in my past could come back and haunt me. I know I am forgiven from them but what do I do when kids ask me- Well I bet you did it so why can't I? I did some pretty crazy stuff in high school! 3. Jake and I are pulled in many different directions- is this one more we can handle?..... after thinking all that I can only think my truths....I am not perfect nor will I ever be....I also know that when I am involved with my church- I never feel better. As busy as we are doing different things this will be well worth it and we will get a lot out of it from the kids that will "hopefully" come...

4
My children. Last night when we came home from Bible study I couldn't help but look at my kids. I love to watch them and their ways. I love to watch them interact with each other. Stuart is a picker. He goes up to Sondra and tries to get whatever she has in her hands... and Sondra is a Mother...like that is surprising... I always have to remind her: You are not Stuart's Mother- I am!! You tell me and I will take care of it.   But no matter what I think about or worry about- they are always on my mind... will that every really change??

Quickie :)...

When will things ever actually slow down..is that when the kids move out??? ... lol... It seems like life is always throwing something at you... nothing is ever perfect and I am ok with that...I just would like some down time. I have got so many things to do these days and not enough daylight to do them..Busy Summer hasn't even really began Jake is always booked up after work to do something... I've resorted to just going home with the kids b.c. its the easiest place to watch them!....anyways...

Easter was a wonderful holiday except for the fact my Grandpa wasn't there to celebrate with us. He was stuck in the hospital trying to get his CO2 under control...Sondra woke up and she assumed she didn't get nothing in her Easter Basket...she didn't even look in it until I made her and Stuart didn't have anything for his easter basket and the night before I remembered oh wait I'm gonna take pictures so I got out a pair of Sandels he will be able to wear this summer when he starts walking and put them in his basket lol..he loved chewing on the plastic grass in his basket though so I could have been ok with just the basket and grass.lol.Sondra was so excited to get her portable DVD player...normally she wouldn't get something so pricey but after my nephew got one and we have borrowed it a few times for long car trips- we decided it could be "our" Easter present to ourselves lol... we ended up going to Greenville and not one peep there or from Greenville from Sondra... :) It was really nice seeing the Greenville Clum's... I just wish we all lived closer...it was pretty awesome too..on our way to Greenville we were talking about how we will need to get another deep freezer and what did we do?..we came home with one...his Grandma Clum was getting rid of hers and we were able to take it... answered prayers

as far as Easter... it was a little bit special for us... b.c... this was the first time we got the "kids" picture taken in the morning.. I loved saying to Sondra- "Now scoot closer to your brother w/your baskets"...or getting their photos w/their easter eggs which was even more funny. Stuart kept trying to pick up his eggs and Sondra kept putting them back.. well as she was putting an egg back she dropped all her eggs on the floor and they all cracked...we had to lie to her and say oh they are fine!!! lol.. in the picture she closed her box so no one would be able to see them... memories made :)

Well..I felt so bad I had not wrote all last week... so I wanted to post something quick as if anybody cares lol..its for myself really I guess...but I will write later and have a few funny Sondra moments... <3