1- 8 ..2 in one week..how scary...

1. My Heart broke a little bit yesterday. We were pulling into our driveway and I asked Sondra to get Stu unbuckled. She couldn't do it..couldn't do it..Stu wasn't helping... and Sondra gives up..and Sondra goes: Well that sucks.....deep breath.... Sondra honey what did you say??... I said socks mom.....no you didn't Sondra... and then I explained to her that I didn't want to hear that word out of her mouth. It wasn't a "bad" word ..but little kids don't say that.....that is another word I will have to refrain from saying b.c. I can't really say if I say it around her or not...School.... that is the one thing I don't like that started since school. She knew she shouldn't say it... its like the Oh my God thing... I caught her saying it..we talked about it...and a few weeks later she said it and quickly corrected herself because she realized I was listening... hmm...

2. I've been listening to Bruno Mars all day..is there something that man CAN'T sing??? oh my... love it...

3. I did have to smile yesterday after I picked the kids up from Daycare and she was all excited to show me her seed she grew...I asked her what she was growing and she said a Sunflower...and I smiled and said you know that was Grandma's Favorite...her reply is... Yeah Mom I know..that's why my name is Sondra... lol..she then explained to me how her kids will name their daughter Sondra...lol :)... I made her agree she would name a daughter after her Beautiful Mother though lol...

4. Stuart..my little guy Stuart....he still isn't any closer to going potty...I have a urge just to put him in Underwear no matter what in the evening.... I just might do that tonight...I know its me..he does pretty well at school and he is wearing a pull up... they are consistent there...schedule...

5. Lately- with all these babies being born and all these babies still coming I've had so many inquiries of well your next aren't you???...I just smile...for once in my life...I don't want to cry when being questioned as to when that next one is coming...after Sondra when I got it..I just wanted to scream...WE ARE WORKING ON IT! BUT ITS NOT HAPPENING!....but these days...I laugh at the question... if God were to decide we needed a baby sooner then what we thought it would be great/fine/perfect...but my Dream is to adopt... I don't know if it is because I grew up in a "diverse" family... but its just something I need to do... I'd prefer a baby/toddler...but my big "wishlist" would to adopt through Nightlight Christian Adoptions: Snowflake Adoption Program... http://www.nightlight.org/snowflake-embryo-adoption/... I am lucky enough to have Jake on board...some people can be funny about adopting like they aren't your real family..passing your name on....but that is absurd.... my only problem.. with the snowflake adoption program fees is  : 12,000 to 16,000... and that don't include the medical fees to get eggs transferred into me...home study... :)... so more than likely... we'll go the old route of traditional adoption...but if I had a pile money laying around..or if all of a sudden it started raining money...that is what I would choose...

6. I have been blessed with some good people... My best friend's mom and dad were getting rid of their corn burner and luckily enough we were able to get it..I can't wait for it to be installed :)...It was just so funny... they are so giving always... we can not leave that house without a bag full of snacks...stopping over there last Friday to drop off money for the corn burner... and leaving with a bag full of goodies and drinks...it just made me miss my friend... immediately had to text her.....really thinking about it...my 2 best friends have great parents that are so nice to my family... I"m a lucky gal...I don't need a lot of best friends...because the 2 I got are pretty dear to me.. miss you girls

7.  This is out there..but you know...this is Easter week... tonight will begin our holy week services...and the one thing that I can't get out of my head of annoyance..especially today..is all this publicity of homosexual marriage...so many people's status' are about Marriage Equality ...or the opposite ..A Marriage should be between a Man and a woman...its just "annoying"...Truthfully...my stance..I'm a born again Christian..... I'm a conservative you know my answer..I just find it annoying its so much in focus right now...I don't care to read about it or listen...

8. well I must be going...bye :)  

House/Pumpkin/2nd and ECT

How have you been??? I've got some things to say! :)

1. I'm sorry it has been so long..I can't even remember what I last blogged about but I'm sure I promised to post photos of the house...and obviously I never have and Obviously I'll probably promise at the end of this blog too and honestly I have no intentions of doing so...maybe in June..I plan on having a BBQ for the kid's birthday dinners and invite both sides of family over...that's when I'll get my house clean from head to toe..like I did for my 31 party I have in November.... My house isn't crazy messy like it always was in Lafayette...its just not what I want shown on the interest for all ages :)....

2. Just so you...My pumpkin Kitchen hasn't worn off...I love it and only wish I had more and more pumpkin things to put out...so much so I'm already thinking of ideas for my next pumpkin kitchen in our next house we plan to build after a while on the property.... ooohh yyaa..

3. Work has been good... I've been kept very busy... so I like that...I like to look down at the clock and think wow...how did it get to be 3:30 already!?

4. was interrupted by a truck driver....rrrr...he was a real smart ass too... hmm...this is why every night before I fall asleep I pray that I do my best to be pleasant to everyone there...and to shine a light....rrr..just now I wasn't exactly shining my light...but it was lit... just not real real bright..I held my tongue...that's a improvement..

5. During bible study a few weeks ago...we were talking about I don't know...but someone brought up the book "The Case For Christ"..and immediately brought me back to Sunday school... when my sister was my Sunday school teacher... and we did lessons over that book.... but it got me thinking later that night..of all my Sunday school teachers... I can remember each of them..things that I associate with them... what touched my life... how they helped me to learn certain things... but it started to make me think...what kind of teacher am I?...I haven't ever really felt called to teach...I volunteered b.c. there was a need for a teacher...I volunteered again b.c. I needed to be sure I was going to have our kid's in Sunday school..so if you teach...there is in my mind a lot of obligation of attending.... is that bad?? who knows... but while I got to thinking it kind of inspired me to research what more we could do...is there something unique that we could do a lesson over??? the next day I poured over all kinds of small group studies... looking at the prices...looking at how long they lasted then oddly enough I followed a link to www.iamsecond.com.... ooh my.. I watched my first video and had goosebumps...its just so real... these people basically telling their testimony...and its real... I thought..this is what we should do... there are ordinary people extraordinary people and celebrities too... I'm just really excited for this to start... we do our first part the sunday after easter... and I know the kid's won't be as excited or happy to do this as me lol...but for once in my life...I am feeling called...I'm feeling called to be a better sunday school teacher..and to make a impact on my "church" kids...

6. School Is moving fast... it makes me sick..Sondra's first year of Kindergarten is closer to being over than starting...eeehh

7. I'll update more later...this is going to be a priority..I miss just throwing my emotions and feelings out... Until Next time :)

Sondratutde and her Bratitude...

What Attitude?

have you ever had a moment or day or week where there is this central theme going on... lol... no really.. So I have been having a hard time with Sondra...I'd say about 2 weeks(i looked it was the 10th)I  ago I was putting Sondra to bed... she wasn't wanting to go to bed so she was being moody...and we were upstairs in her room and she is in bed and I'm saying something who knows really and I turn around and my back is facing her and out of the corning of my eye I see her mocking what I just told her to do....

if you knew me you would think my temper got the best of me and I just hauled off and slapped her right in her face but.... I didn't.... for those three seconds of my back turned to her I had to compose my myself because I just wanted to die laughing out loud...lol... I think I was shocked my little girl would do that.. (parents weren't kidding when they say children get a whole new attitude when they start school)

I turn with a wicked smile just staring at her in her eyes...and I can see my wicked smile pasted right on her face..like it was cut and copies in Photoshop  And she knew that I knew what she had just "secretly" done... So I started in how she was in trouble. I told her how I didn't like being mean but the things that she did she forced me to be mean. I told her how I wanted to be her best friend but I HAD to be her Mommy first. And Mommies are not always nice. and simply how disrespectful she was for doing that behind my back. And I left it at that. I went down stairs for some ME time...and about 20 minutes later she comes down visibly upset and tells me how she just feels like she wants to cry...my reply

Well you should be..You really disappointed me.

She turns around walking up the stairs crying.... I heard her crying for about 15 to 20 minutes... I really think it was for theatrics...but maybe she really was sorry.... I want to believe that but after last night's Attitude Attack...

so fast forward to Monday...

I'm on my way after work to go pick up the kids from daycare..and George Strait's song A love without end Amen...

I cry... I simply cry... not because of Sondra..or Stu... but just at the simple truth of a parent's love covers all...

Wednesday night at the dinner table refers to me as "big fat cow"??... b.c. I told her she wasn't allowed to have 3rds of baked potatoes..... Which Jake took care of that quickly..telling her she would not talk about his wife like that or to her Mom like that... I'm really not sure what it was about...I'm not sure if she really gets how hurtful it is to call people fat or big...

Alright.. then this week on Tuesday  my brother in law posts a blog about love. I didn't find it till Thursday...  it just was pretty much exactly how I was feeling how he was talking about how he loved his daughter even though she doesn't "give" him anything or do "nothing" for him.... I thought about it and more....

Since their conception I have loved my kids whole heartily .I think most parents probably have that feeling...  but I feel like and believe I would do anything for my children... But man Lately... Sondra gives me this attitude....she can act so bad...and she is a brat... (I can say that....depending who you are...I could slash your eyes out if you ever mention either of my kids being a brat).... ..but man she has had these bratitudes(I'm coining that phase for the next 15 years)..and I love her... her acting this was way lately... it kind of makes me how much I do love her.... Its a odd feeling... kind of makes me realize how much my parents love me..even when I was Younger and dumber and done dumb stuff..not just being a Snotty little brat...

So then- I'm driving home yesterday to get the kids and I hear  Jason Michael Carroll's "Hurry Home."... the chorus is :

"It doesn't matter what you've done, I still love youIt doesn't matter where you've been, you can still come homeAnd honey if it's you, we've got a lot of making up to doAnd I can't hug you on the phone, so hurry home"

I probably can't even anticipate the things my children may do....knowing their father they will give me gray hair far sooner then I should have..knowing my mischievous ways..I'm going to look 100 years old by my 40th birthday...but man...I will always love my children. There will never be a day that I don't love my children. Their names are on my lips every prayer I pray... I want nothing but the best for them and firmly believe in the power of a mother's prayers...

So last night... I had to take my kids to women's fellowship..and as we are getting ready to leave... I tell Sondra to go get her coat boots IDK...and she looks at me and says I'm quoting here: "Blah blah blah blah" cocking her head from side to side...

our eyes lock... and she starts swiftly to the kitchen with me following... well..my tempter got to me... I smacked her mouth a couple times...and tell her she "will not talk to me like that"..and that she is going to bed early for being bad...

we eventually get into the car... and I ask Stuart what he wants to do while Sissy goes to bed early....she is wailing she is sorry! sorry! sorry!... (she doesn't realize that sorry don't get out of her consequences) ..... but honestly... after i sat down at home after Stu was in bed.. I just thought about being a parent..and Sondra really disappointed me tonight but it just made me think of more ways to figure out where this is coming....I know where she gets her smart mouth.....woohoo..its my smart mouth... and I really need to watch how I talk around her...I may not be cussing..but I'm teaching her a smart mouth... hmm...children really are a product of their parents... heh...but... I'm really going to work   on always being respectful to everyone and show her a good example... but as mad as I have gotten at her this week or 2.. seems like Jesus was putting little encouragements here and there and reminding of a father's love... reminded me how much I disappointed him and he always loved me...

But my concern is other people... I don't want people not to like Sondra b.c. she is a "brat"...I just hope people realize or know that its a phase where Sondra is figuring out what is socially acceptable..and she is testing her limits... and if for some reason she puts a Bratitude towards you or when I'm not around and your with her...please let me know..b.c. Sondra and I or her father will have a talk about it...like her mother... talking of disappointments does far worse than any physical punishments...

So watch out world... My smart mouthed Sondra is on the loose....

PS I'm so sorry about leaving you hanging for a whole month..please forgive me... Christmas was crazy

SHopping excitement...Shooo FLY (I crackmyself Up) Dental Drama

One thing for sure is I cannot wait for Christmas!...1. so everything slows down a bit and I can relax...2. I can't wait to see the excitement on my kid's faces Christmas Morning!....ooohh!!!... Stuart will be so much fun this year!...Look at him on his 2nd birthday... look at that excited face over a buzz light year...I can't wait to see his face when he opens up Train toys... or his tractor toys... eeeekkk...Last year it wasn't very fun Christmas shopping for him...but man.. it has been this year... and rather Sondra has been my dilemma... 

Stuart :) 

My Dilemma with Sondra is she wants all this crappy plastic stuff... like we made her list...and I had to tell her no to a whole bunch of stuff... Monster High dolls... sorry but no..they look too much like Brat dolls..or she wants little plastic crap that costs way too much money than what it is worth... its crazy....I know when she opens her presents she will forget all about wanting the other stuff and then when she is allowed to go shopping with her Christmas money she will spend it on what she likes... as long as it is acceptable for her age... 

I do need to report I have about 2 more presents I need to buy for Christmas... trying to hold out for good deals! 

FLY

Something else.. We got another Dog...ya.. my thoughts exactly... lol ..her name is Fly and she is 8 months old... She is a Border Collie... After Yago died Jake talked about getting a "working dog" so that he wouldn't have to ask me to go help him move sheep.... Fly has just started being trained to herd sheep...I of course didn't want the dog b.c. she was older..I wanted a puppy and know the dog... after a few weeks after getting Jagger..Jake again said he really wanted this dog...we eventually agreed that the next time we got a chunk a change or saved enough money we would get him a working dog... Well- a chunk of money came up and decided to go for it... I had a lot of apprehension in getting this dog... even when we got there she came out of the house running a way from us... she was nervous... but the lady got her calmed down...Nothing aggressive..just scared... but then she took us out to the barn and showed us a couple dogs and took Jake through the commands... his next step in Fly's training...seeing these dogs herding the sheep and the lady/Jake didn't have to run around or I didn't have to get out there and eventually fall in sheep shit...it was all the dog..and better yet the dog loved it... We took Stu with us..and after about 20 minutes he peed through his pull up..so we sat in the truck till the lady was done showing each dog to Jake.... as I was sitting in the truck I was laughing b.c. this Lady had to be Jake's dream lady... and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if he never wanted to leave lol... ... But after seeing those dogs perform I understood Jake's motivation in investing in Fly.... Fly is  a very lovely dog... and glad to report she likes me better than Jake...she would be in my lap if I let her...She is crate trained which is so so so nice..we tell her to get in it and she goes in it and doesn't make a peep...Jagger hasn't taken her cue and still cries for a little bit at night...but we are finding ways to help that... the only down fall is..she isn't house broken... and we are finding it hard to do so...before she was in a kennel all day and was let out 3 times a day to exercise .. and also they crate trained her... so we take her outside on the leash to go the bathroom but she won't ever go!... when I get home I immediately take her out of her cage and take her outside... she never will go... as soon as I put her in the kennel outside she goes... someone please help me..I've even tried keeping her on the leash and standing in the kennel and still she won't go..... 

Anyways... the kids like Fly too.. Fly is still and stays away from Stu..he is a bit rough... I still won't leave Stu alone with Fly yet... I love the dog but I'd hate to have to kill this expensive dog if she hurt my son... But I don't believe she would... The lady told us she was a sensitive dog.. .lol okay>??... well she is... you can just give her mean eyes and she lays down and cowers... (which that is all me.. my dad could just give me a look and I would cry)..It seems so crazy....no dogs... to 2 dogs.. wow.. but its much more better...we were never home before... and a dog seemed crazy or not right to have b.c. we were always not home.. but now... its all good... I'm very happy...

on the shopping trip my wisdom tooth became infected...in the past 4plus years that I have had them they hurt a little off and on..nothing serious... well this pain... was unbearable... while my SILs were asleep in the hotel room unaware(b.c. I didn't want to bother them) I sat in the tub crying hoping this pain would go away...I had never in my life been in pain like this... I didn't sleep a wink that night.. I was thinking i had a ear infection b.c. my ear hurt so horrible too.. but turns out just my teeth... as soon as we got home from the shopping trip- I went in said hi to my kids & Jake while crying and left for doctor...I cried and cried some more on my way there and then got it together  to go into the doctor... while waiting for the doctor..I began to pace..I was in so much pain... when the doctor asked me what was going on..I said "Look... I have had to C sections and the post recovery pain was a paper cut compared to this! I need something the 800mg of ibprofen I took isn't touching this pain..and whatever you give it needs to knock me out i haven't slept in 2 days!"...well..I walked out of there with antibiotics, script for 800mg Motrin  and Vicodin .. I was surprised though to find Vicodin does nothing to me..it took away the pain but didn't make me tired or loopy...the doc said it would make me sleepy..which it didn't..grr... oh well no pain I'm happy..soo.. after my dental changes the 1st of the year..guess who is finally getting her wisdom teeth out... this girl..which I am not looking forward to...1... the cost... which we have dental insurance now so its not such a huge thing...and also..2.the pain... mouth pain is the worst...  don't even ask me why would I be so dumb and wait so long to do this... here it is... I never put me first...its not cheap.. I'll tough it out... that isn't happening anymore... after constant questioning of when I'm getting my them out from Jake...I'm going to do it! 

well I gotta go!!!>..

I'll write sooN! :)

Moves like Jagger.... :)

He seems to take a real liking to little miss

The boys (Sondra says we are out numbered now)

Being Playful

He is really adorable! :) 

Sondra sometimes has a hard time putting him down

One Blue eye and the other is half blue/black

SO this was our surprise for Saturday. Ever since the day we buried Yago we have said we wanted to get another dog...me I've said it ALOT of times. I'm telling you I missed Yago & still do...then I just really missed having a dog..I kept finding myself looking at classifieds for Aussies or Aussie mixes..and then on Friday I found one for the right price... right coloring :)... text Jake..he made it happen! :)... although he looks a lot like Yago..he is a "Miniature Australian Shepard". Which means..he is the same exact dog but just smaller size... which makes me happy b.c. that is one thing I have been leery of even when getting Yago...Big dogs tend to scare me...Which sounds funny to say b.c. I grew up with a Rottweiler ..but there wasn't a mean or aggressive bone in her body...but I ultimately if up to me I like a dog I can physically man handle.. lol...anyways...so Saturday we went to look at the pup...when I say "look" I mean buy :)... I'm very happy though..And the Name!!!..Jake wanted to name it Yago2..I said no!... we went back and forth on names..and finally Sondra said a name and Jake said Okay if you clean up its pee and poop...and she said okay... So The puppy's name is Jagger!...which she got off the song moves like Jagger I've heard her singing a long in car.. which Stuart calls him Yago.. lol.. Stu will catch on eventually but its funny...I hate the puppy stage!..I can't wait till he is house broke and he quits crying at night...I've had to wake early like 5am every morning b.c. he is crying..so I let him out to potty... I'm tired just thinking about it!... But hopefully it passes...He is a good pup already... not as smart on the whole house training like Yago...but he loves the kids and isn't calm unless he is sitting by one of them... and if they aren't sitting he is usually following them...so yes..now you can call me that crazy dog lady again... :)

ThankYou/BAD Mother/ScornedLady/Bliss/WeekendPlans/Triplet Treat

Hey All!...I am sorry it has been too long since I have last wrote! Its been close to a month since I last shared my testimony. I had 127 views. I'l just say I felt incredibly exposed. But as comments came..I felt a little better. I appreciated the positive comments...

I can't believe Thanksgiving was yesterday and before you know it it's going to be Christmas time...wow.. 

One Big Question: 

Would it make me a bad mother if I skipped Sondra's First Christmas Music Concert? 

Answer: 

Yes- am I going to?.... Yes... 

So- we scheduled our 2 day shopping trip a few weeks ago for DEC. 3 & 4th...We=My Mom Sister and sister in laws Aunts and a couple cousins...Not till this week when I was looking over the papers that come home in Sondra's bag about her Christmas concert that I realize its the fist night of her program...I will not even lie...I was so upset I was about about crying...okay...I was tearing up.. I was just so pissed...I look forward to the shopping trip..2 days of no worries except shopping and myself....Girl time...laughter...craziness... I text Jake..his reply..look at the bright side... we will go Christmas shopping for the first time ever together...lol..ya..my thoughts exactly...so at my 31 party someone said "Sondra is only in Kindergarten once"...My fast reply.."nuh huh she is in 2 yr kindergarten I'll see her music program next year"...lol... yes the pros of 2 year kindergarten... well you got me there...I wouldn't voluntarily skip out on either of my kid's functions...but I'm not going to skip out on something that I look forward to all year long...and I like to believe those 2 days Jake remembers why he keeps me around...lol... 

One of the greatest stories from Thanksgiving... So before we headed to Greenville Jake wanted to stop up at his work... said he had a surprise.... well he ended up ordering me for Christmas some Victoria secret bras... and he had them shipped to his work so I wouldn't know...but yet he couldn't wait any longer to give them too me...so he gives them to me in the truck...and Sondra says: Daddy what about me???...Jake tells her she had presents coming to her for Christmas...Sondra pouts for a little bit...and when I look back at her..maybe 20 minutes had passed and I seen where she wrote with crayon on the window in the car!!!!!!!.... OMG... Jake makes her scrub it...and tells her how he is disappointed in her and all she can say for herself as she is sobbing: I was jealous!.....I had to muffle my laughter... and said a silent prayer for her future boyfriends lol... ohh wee you don't want to do that girl wrong...lesson learned. 

I can tell you for the past month since moving in...its been a dream... wedded bliss.. lol..okay not all rainbows and butterflies..but a lot of stress is gone on my end... Jake gets stressed out b.c. of the task of being "mr. fixit"...but man am I happy... anybody that knows me can testify that the house in Lafayette beat me... no really beat me... it hadn't been spotless or semi clean in a long time... it just felt useless..we had no room for nothing... so with this house... double the size of our square footage..and you got one happy wife...things have homes... and if it can't find a home...it goes bye bye.....my 31 party really snuck up on me... and was frantic to get things just so... thanks to my lovely momma for putting up our pictures up and then more..well a whole lotta more...I learned that you can't just put up a picture..you have to have a shelf..or a sconce? beside it too..with flowers or little things too..and if I didn't have it...she just went back to her house and found it... lol..she also put curtains up in the kid's rooms and a valance over my kitchen window....also Rachel so kindly came over the Saturday before and Stuart's big tractor up on his wall....and the house does feel so much more like a home with pictures up....I'm so happy...I was a homebody before now its really hard to get me outta there...oh and another great thing.. before the party Austin came down and cleaned our back porch..it was amazing what he did in the short time he had..and then he came and cleaned out garage out..it looks spotless... he couldn't have done a better job!..I absolutely love it..I am so thankful for family coming and helping with the house..and doing things they know they can do...

I have a busy weekend ahead of me... tonight Jake is going to some football game so I am home tonight with kids... Saturday is the wrestling preview in spencerville..after that we have a special surprise hopefully it all works out and I'll update you on that...and Sunday is Kayla's Baby shower for the Trio.. sadly the babies won't be there to attend...BUT.. they will be home before you know it! then be prepared for your news feed to be blown up with many many pictures from me...aren't they just too cute!:: 

Mom&Kayla went to Columbus and was able to get some good pictures w/all three together

well.. I got stuff to do!..I'll make sure to write sooner..and I'm going to take pictures of the house soon and post! 

let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven

Matthew 5:14-16

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Introduction:

So after a few Sundays of great bible based preaching...I have had this laid heavy on my heart...  a few Sundays ago Gary preached about witnessing. He asked how many people have we shared our testimony too? How many tracts have we handed out to people?... when he asked those questions I was a bit.. embarrassed .. I can't actually name a number?... I have talked about my faith to people but to actually "share" my testimony... hmmm.. no... even worse... I have tracts in my purse to give out to people- but yet...I never have... how great of a Christian am I if I cannot even acknowledge when I should hand them out? Am I that out of tune with God? Gary brought up the point that being a Christian you should WANT to proclaim how much God has helped you! How FAR God has brought you... well.. I think my own "small country" living..I don't feel like my story really is something so great..but with further digging... and really putting it down... I hope that someone can relate to it. I decided to share it on my blog because I am better on "paper" when I think about my words. After looking at my stats for each post I see I have a 60-70 plus views each post and more on some..one even had 198...so if I can reach someone through this- I'm doing my job. Did Jesus imagine this is how I would share good news when he gave us the great commission?  :)

Please no critiques...this is sensitive..this is my heart...this is me...Here is my light.

Please feel free to read this again and again.. and share it with whoever you want on whatever you want... 

Your's Truly :) 

Sunday School Brat

on first thought as to why I am a Christian I believe is because I was dedicated as a child. It really meant nothing to me at the time like it means nothing to ALL babies at the time..who cares. BUT to my parents it was a BIG decision- they were making a commitment in front of their church family & God that they PROMISED not only to me BUT to God that they would raise me up to be a Christian. No- they wouldn't just make sure I attended Sunday school and church but that they themselves would try with all their might to set a example to me.  and just thinking about that chokes me up a bit. Just because I learned growing up not all families went to church and how much of a difference it does make (but more on that later).It chokes me up even greater being a mother. So yes growing up- Sunday mornings we were at Sunday School and then on to Church. I participated in Easter, Christmas, Bible School programs. I learnt a lot of the different bible stories in Sunday School Class. I was blessed to have several great Sunday School teachers. I think that is why I have volunteered to teach. I hope to impact kids like me. 

I had always considered myself Christian. When I got to middle school I learnt a new independence. I got to that point that I didn't always "want" to please my parents. I learnt to look one way and be another way. Then when I got to Jr. High there was a TFC program with 2 wonderful leaders: Jeff & Lori Hefner. I started going to TFC as soon as I could. I can't really remember if because my parents said you are going to go or maybe I wanted to go just to do "something" or really maybe I felt like I should. I really can't remember. But I watched that program grow from 7 to 10 kids to close to 40-50 a week. It was there in that TFC program I recited the sinner's prayer and accepted Jesus into my heart.  When I was there it was safe. But even then those 2 years in Jr. High being involved in a great TFC program I wasn't always acting like a Christian. That is where when I look back on my Christian walk that I feel embarrassed. On one hand I can tell you those 2 years my faith for Jesus really grew. I depended on him and asked him everything. That was the first time in my life I had actually felt truly close to God. BUT at that same time- I wasn't even truly fully committed. How is that? Was I just following along to what I seen. Going through the motions taking the next appropriate steps?  Only now I feel like I can answer that…

So after Jr. High I went on to high school. And it didn't get any better. Naturally I appear to be a good girl and I get more independence and I take advantage of it. I don’t need to go into detail of all my great short comings to my parents but I broke their hearts. And at those many times that I did break their heart’s I knew I had done wrong but I didn't realize the magnitude of hurt my actions caused my own parents. I just didn't get it. I felt like I was adult and I didn't need them. I was just not headed down the right path. I was still attending church every Sunday. No longer going to TFC. I met Jake through wrestling. Lol. My first thoughts when I seen him was…wow..he is hot…look at him he is a Mohawk man…he looks like he knows how to have fun. I was somewhat of a “partier”…so.. he looked like fun. …I laugh now- because after getting to know him- there wasn't one rebellious bone in his body. He was very good for me. We still had fun and party here and there- but he tamed me. I had always kept a journal and I love reading my words when we met. After the second or third time we talked on the phone- I wrote how I think he could be the one and how crazy it sounded but I felt like I could love him. I truly believe God brought Jake to me. So as most of you know I was that girl in high school that was engaged. I felt like my tummy was on baby bump watch! But no it wasn't a shot gun wedding. We just knew we wanted to be together and grow up together. Wasn't easy those couple years I can't say I was really being the "best" Christian but it was on my mind because even before we started getting serious one of my first questions was do you go to Church? What kind of Church? 

Married Bliss

After being married we were a bit in Limbo not really attending church because of a current pastor. I lost some faith during that time. I wondered how such a corrupt crazy man would pastor our church. He started out great and little by little he just got crazy. I do not even need to go into detail about this guy but one story and you will know this guy was crazy. My Grandma had ovarian cancer. While she was battling cancer this man said the reason why she had cancer was because she did something bad and was being punished. A normal person would just go to a different church but it was though. I missed my church. Oddly enough we would go to church every now and then I don’t know why out of entertainment or what but finally one Sunday this crazy man walked out mid-service and took half the congregation. Things got much better. We got pregnant and was blessed with a little girl.

Mother’s Love

Welcoming Sondra into the world absolutely renewed my faith. When we decided to dedicate Sondra- it was like wow I have such great responsibility to this child. I alone can determine how she views the world. So when she was old enough we started to take her down to Sunday school while we were in class she starting building her own building blocks of faith. Soon after her first birthday we decided to have another.   With Sondra it took three months to conceive. With our next it wasn't happening. And it wasn't the lack of effort!

Soon Sondra’s 2^nd birthday passed and I was afraid and losing faith. Why was God putting me through this. The one thing that a woman was made for and this woman (me) wasn't at the time I seem I couldn't do it. Was I broken? I prayed and prayed some more. I prayed to God to open my womb and allow me to have a baby. At the same time as I was praying I was too losing faith. There were nights I would cry myself to sleep. There was a night that I was crying Jake woke up and asked what was wrong? And I brushed him off. I want to say there was a moment that I just had this awe awakening moment with God and then I was pregnant. But it wasn't like that. Just one month when I always knew when to test to see if I was pregnant like I did every month I took a test and finally I got a positive test. At that moment I just fell to my knees beside the tub and cried thanking God and my next thought was: “I have kids”.  I do not understand why  I had to "wait" that long to get pregnant. All I can say about it is...If I knew I was waiting on Stuart when we were trying- I would have waited any amount of years just for him... it is a privilege to be his Momma...

Welcoming Stuart in the world was pure joy. God fulfilled my desire and my prayers. We dedicated him and he is following in his sister’s footsteps of being a Sunday school brat.

So What Now? 

I do want to point out that if you are a parent the best place for you is getting involved at your church. You don't "officially" have to dedicate your children but it is a good idea because on that day its not only YOU guys promising but it is your Church Family promising to help make sure that your child will learn and know about God. And whether it is official or unofficial dedication don't take it lightly. You have one of his children in your care it is up to you to start them on the right path...Your child is near and dear to his heart... (read "Heaven is For real" Colton Burpo's book..he says several times about How much Jesus loves the Children)... 

Also throughout all my dark times I have had..through high school when I knew I was blatantly not doing what I was supposed I always had a tug at my heart..A familiar tug that kept telling me "this is not you".."you know better"... it was that connection with the Holy Spirit...and I don't think I would have had that if I hadn't been raised in church to know what it was... did I always listen..heck no..but it was there....and I can thank my parents, family, and church family for instilling in me...

Naturally- I want to say since then I've loved Jesus with all my heart and not one day goes by that I don't pray and am always a good Christian. It is just simply not true. I fail almost every day. Some days I don't even realize it. Other days I am stopped dead in my tracks and immediately ask Jesus to forgive me. I can even tell you this past year and a half  events and changes  have woke me. Like when my cousin Austin was in his car accident...that first night when I wasn't sure he would be alive in the morning I just prayed and prayed half the night pleading with God through tears that he needed more time..and throughout his recovery and still do I pray for him. Or my brother and SIL their journey to become parents...when they started going to a specialist and when I knew certain procedures were happening..I  can tell you their names were constantly on my lips sending prayers... or just everyday activities I had with my kids and I would think of my SIL and know she wished to be a mother and I'd pray more...or most recently when my Mom fell out of the hay mound. It was me her and the kids...I didn't know what to do..so after asking what I could do immediately I started praying... 

For Me- I have realized that it wasn't really hard accepting Jesus and believing in him. It's my everyday fight. I need to fight not to be lukewarm. I need to stay involved at my church. I need to be the best Christian everyday because my kids someday will probably not remember my words but my actions. They will remember me dragging their butts to Sunday school...they will remember us writing that tithe check and dropping it in the plate...they will remember me showing kindness by opening a door for a stranger..they will remember me lending a helping hand to family & whoever asks for it...they will remember me having a firm and steady hand when it comes to discipline...and they will remember me praying with them..and sadly they will remember me in my not so good moments....BUT  I am hoping they will remember more of my Good moments and not my bad. I have always remembered my Grandparents or parents or Aunts/Uncles actions.  I want to give them the best example so that one day they become Christians because heaven without them- wouldn't be my heaven....

So there it is.. that was my journey into my faith. It is by far not over but there it is thus far..  

Love, 

Me