So- last weekend Jake & I went on a Sheep tour in Holmes county... I know how romantic..but it was kinda...we were surrounded with couples in their late 50s and older..which 50s isn't old but compared to us..it is..but it was all weekend just us..It was nice...
Monday- started off horrible....Let me say it again..Horrible...over the weekend our dog Fly got out and was out all weekend...we came home she was home.... So Monday morning like normal I...I myself put her out and about 20 minutes later we hear a truck go by and it sounded like at first that the truck ran over something..Jake goes out...sure enough Fly is gone...WHY... why does that happen when she was out all weekend and that morning that happens?... it was just frustrating because no body could catch her while we were gone b.c. she is terrified of strangers..When I say how sweet of a dog she is...most people that have been around her probably don't believe it..but she was such a sweetheart...I'm thankful she was gone instantly...and it wasn't a question of what we should do because I would have spent THOUSANDS to fix her...I'm just at loss of words..I couldn't even talk Monday...I cried through out the whole day...putting on a somber face ...Sondra cried that morning too..I'm sure all of us cried that day....we thought it would be okay to let Stu help Jake bury Fly so he understood that she was dead and gone not coming back...I feel immensely frustrated and guilty especially when all weekend I was telling Jake if anything happened to Fly I just couldn't handle it and I'd be mad...it wasn't his fault yet I made him feel that way Monday without even saying it.....I know its a animal.. I know.... but my heart is broken.. feels like when I lost my horse Mystery... which I've come to the conclusion...I have a curse... I'm crazy I know...
When I was pregnant with Stuart my Grandma Sondra passed away...and then a month before Stuart was born- I had to make the decision to put my Myst down....this horse was ornery I guess..because she had suffered a few life altering injuries that I would think would only happen once in her life time..but then something else happened....I was convinced that when Stuart was born I was going to get my happiness and I did... but truly with this pregnancy I have been waiting for something bad to happen..I was thinking last week when my work bag that contained my ipad and kindle and other smaller things was taken that was the bad thing...I really didn't imagine something else would happen..let alone my dog.. then on Wednesday I'm leaving for work I go to grab my rings on my stand by my chair I only see my "fancy right hand" ring...where is my wedding set????? I tear apart the living room..go to work...JUST ONE MORE STINKING THING I think to myself(and I didn't say stinking) ...and when I get home that night from bible study I continue to look around my chair flip it over...closely starting to lose it... and Jake walks in and sees me and probably seeing I"m close to bursting in tears..asks what is wrong..and I tell him and he says just calm down quit stressing...I just couldn't take it..I go in the kitchen to cry... (crying is a common occurrence with this pregnancy) and he says Quit it I found it... I still cried... and it wasn't for joy...I have a sign by the sink and it says:
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| Just a reminder that yes- its okay to cry! |
Wednesday rolls around and I'm still down about a few things and I see people putting status about their heart's breaking and its a friend I ask her if everything is alright...and she tells me a girl a few years behind me in school had died in a car wreck that morning... a girl that had been to hell and back and survived and had her life back together and had a 2 year old daughter that has been left behind without a mother and also that Tuesday a wrestling family's house had burnt down and living through that I know how hard that is........aaaaaannnnnddd I'm depressed about a dog... wow Joie.... instantly prayers were sent up for their families and friends that were hurting..but still- I have been left questioning God why he would not interfere and save that girl...or that house...or even why my Dog...
Something I'm thankful for is my Church's Wednesday night Bible Study which we talked extensively about God's Will and that whole situation with that young lady...and then Thursday night we have at our church a women's Bible/Book study..which we are in a book right now..but it was all about how God didn't come to the world for the righteous..he came for the sick people..the sinners..and how God isn't a "fair" God... we don't get what we all really deserve... he is a merciful God...and that bad things do happen to good people...and the other way around..and God is here to comfort us and support us...He isn't going to ward off all the bad things...and he will allow something bad things to happen...so I don't know if my recent unfortunate events are just tests or what but that is how I was feeling last night...then last night I pull in my drive- I see my brother sitting in his truck... I started having a panic attack..Jake didn't answer my last text...I immediately call Jake and it goes to voice mail..and I'll admit I started freaking out..had to stop my self from crying...so much Bad stuff was happening I was afraid he was there to tell me something...I'm not one of those people that you can tell me something bad over the phone and expect me to drive after...especially right now... so... I just immediately just prayed that my family was safe..and he just needed something... I'm crazy I know...as it turns out he just needed something..no bad news...after my family gets home..I sit down and think to myself..you gotta calm down lady... SO- that is what I am going to do... after scaring the living shit out of myself last night I'm going to calm down!..I'm going to be thankful for what I have and as Sharon puts it "I'm going to make the best of the situation with God's help" or something like that..I should have written it down after she said it at bible study last night...man I'm thankful for those ladies..
what does my weekend entail..today I don't know..no football game..hopefully just taking it easy..I got laundry I need to do......then with a sheepish grin..my parents will have my kids this weekend...b.c. we have a adult only wedding/reception for Jake's cousin in Columbus on Saturday...I almost feel bad for my kids..2 weekends in a row we ship them off to grand parents lol... Sunday is a wonderful day..that it will be a early morning for us..b.c. we gotta make sure to be at Sunday school/church for our class and then my niece will be dedicated and also- that evening we have 5 kids from our Sunday school class being baptized. its going to be a great day...Pray for my nerves..pray for my family... I'll talk to you soon..
Joie
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