6month check in LOL

Oh Lord...I haven't updated since august! Is it safe to say I should probably officially say I'm done writing a blog...it is kinda nice having it here to be able to throw it all out there...
Jake & I went to Cincinnati last weekend and it was AMAZING!...Getting there not so much...like tears and everything...but yeah...as soon as I walked into our hotel room I was like yea...can we just say here all night....send Garth to our room!...if it was for a reds game...I would have seriously stayed in the hotel room and sent Jake to the game by himself...it had a living room, small kitchenette, big ole tub for 2, king size bed, and big bathroom...and NO KIDS...like seriously...Can someone book me and Jake a night or 2 again and I won't leave the room...that is what kind of happens when you are a stay at home mommy and have a little baby that still sleeps in your room.. you are eternally tired and usually all touched out :)....I had had been counting down the hours till this weekend...and that day a few times it felt like out of our reach!



It was strange though being without kids and ...that is why I don't really indulge myself and leave my kids very often to "go out" and do whatever. and if you do that is great you earned it...but after one time having to be a parent with a raging hangover when Sondra was a baby....I was like NOPE that is not for me!

I'm 29 years old. I have 4 kids. I started early. I have always felt like I've needed to defend the fact. Its not always a parents dream these days for your freshly high school graduate to get married a month after graduating. Let alone that newly married graduate decide to then get pregnant 3 months into her new marriage- but that is what we wanted. and we were so lucky to have supportive parents that believed in us...but not everyone did...

Since having babies and especially this year- I have felt like the old lady. It is not that I don't know how to have fun- its just 1. I'm breastfeeding a baby....that is like a job for me...I know its supposed to be this super natural easy going thing..but its not for me..... 2. A baby that doesn't like to sleep through the night...3. Hangovers are not my forte... ..4. 4 kids that are busy all the time!!!!......but catch me in about 7/8 years I'm sure I will have loosened up and all my kids sleeping through the night... okay! Then I'll be able to whatever the hell I want :)

I seen a pin on Pinterest that said:
4 Questions Every Christian Mother Must Answer
1. Are The Souls of your children worth the Prime of your life?
2. What are you Willing to sacrifice to raise children that follow hard after Christ?
3. What will you say "no" to in order to say "yes" to your family?
4. Are you willing to postpone your dreams to cultivate your children's hearts now?

Why I started this..fair..wagon train..school

I couldn't help but read my very first post. I started writing this blog Sept. 1, 2010 (My 23 birthday). The life of this blog and I have close to 15,000 page views.. This was inspired after fair that year. I remember wondering what my old friends or acquaintances thought of me that "seen" me at fair. For some reason at that time I was feeling "not me". I wanted to be where I was but I had this realization that I wasn't who I was before and I needed to let go of people that were previously in my life. That I shouldn't feel hurt that they didn't call me. Of course they wouldn't call me. They were not married and had kids...but when I seen some of these people at fair  did they wonder how I turned out? Was I some shallow person, was I still getting in trouble, or did they even recognize me? Like whoa that is Joie Reffitt? Do you guys ever see someone from school and be like I didn't think they would turn out like that! My 10 year class reunion just passed and I really enjoyed it. It was nice seeing classmates and seeing where they ended up at and with who. I loved how I didn't have to introduce Jake...because Jake has always been around (bonus of High school sweet heart). Anyways with this blog I remember going what is the title??? and I was feeling at the time "Just a small town gal"..  I was seeing on Facebook classmates graduating college or how they "got out of that town" ect ect...and although I was very happy for them I felt less than but ultimately I don't know why I let those feelings inside my head. I never had plans to move away. I actually have always been proud to be from Allen East. I've always embraced my family and my church family. I am a "small town" gal and you know what...I love it. But I can certainly tell you I"m not average or normal or a sane one :).

Fair is calling and it is calling quickly. I'm ready for September for school to start..but August and fair..I am not ready. EEEKKKK... I can manage to pack clothes. I can manage the thought of the sheep because that is Jake's department. But the food....eeekk... One good thing is my sister and friend do suppers together. We each both have 2 nights that we are responsible for food. So that is nice. But like the day to day lunch or breakfast and drinks ...I need to get squared away. I hope mother nature is nice and takes it easy on us that week too. Please...nothing sucks more than being really sweaty and having to nurse a baby...that is just me... :) 

My 2 olders Sondra and Stuart are on wagon train this week with my parents. It has been kind of weird. Like what if we just had these 2 littles???... As much as is sickens me..I miss the loudness and the fighting and bickering...(I'm really not sane, but I have already told you that)…  But Sondra has been a outrider which is pretty neat! She has been riding Willy. So its 10 plus miles a day! That girl is getting some miles under her belt and earning some confidence. Of what my Mom tells me Stuart has been quite the social butterfly too. He has made a friend. I visited wednesday and he says here is my new friend Case…watch us fight…they proceeded to fight for the next 20 minutes. They take turns crying…lol..but i guess they have been at it all week.  

So its all getting real..Stuart's book bag came this week…I bought the school supplies for the kids too..I know Stu went to preschool..but its a official..Stu is starting his school career. I'm excited, anxious, scared. He was cracking me up…he picked out his book bag print and I asked him what he wanted it to say…(Sondra picked cowgirl) …stuart wanted it to say "I love grammy" that is what he calls his grandma's …I said no that is too long…figuring he would pick something else…so then he asks for "grammy's boy"…lol umm no….I couldn't let him get made fun of..lol… So I picked SRC … this will be Sondra's 5th year with her book bag…so I wasn't sure how he would feel about his bag saying Grammy's boy in a few years…and more than likely I'm sure Stu will keep his longer…this was the first year Sondra asked for another bag…I told her next year we would order her a new one…But now it is hitting me seeing Stuart book bag filled with supplies. Just crazy… my boy is off to kindergarten!

Welp! I must be going! Today is daycare day..I hear some stirring! Pray for me and these next couple weeks :)

Love,
Me 

Catch UP! 1.5 months later :)

I have been meaning to update since Skyla turned a month old..I thought to myself..I need to do that...like someone is waiting ...lol..but really... I don't think I need to go into major detail for Skyla's birth..I litterally did not touch my planner in over a month..1. I've been so busy..2. I really didn't love the planner...but after a few appointments being missed or late to..I found a planer I loved..think ARC and Erin Condren combined and much cheaper and at Hobby lobby..its called "happy planner"...but here is my update:

1 Month (We were in MI at a sheep show)

As usual my anxiety kicked up a day or so leading up to C/S... I tried all I could to repress those feelings...repress repress..I'm not going to think about it!...then day of..they are hooking me up for my IV and monitor before C/S and it took all in me not to fall asleep..we actually turned the lights off and I rested as much as I could because I was so tired..lol...thoughts of my new baby were not dancing in my head like sugar plums...my only thoughts were.."I'm too tired to take care of a newborn again...how am I going to do this??...wait a second..does this make me a bad mom that I am thinking this??? SHAME ON ME" then all of a sudden they are wheeling me back! The experience this time was actually really great. I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe like previous ones..I didn't have a hard time keeping my eyes open...it did take a little longer than last 3 b.c. Skyla never was right "there" head down engaged and I have scar tissue..... Leading up I was wondering how much she would weigh..and surprise surprise she was my 2nd biggest..When I was taken back to my room and waiting on Skyla to come to room all of a sudden I had this burst of energy back...I wasn't tired for the rest of my stay. I just think I was just hating the thought of having another C/S and I was shutting down! When Skyla got back and I held her and Jake and Jessy (she is my person...like I would never want to be alone if Jake was having major surgery I'd need some support if something happened..so I enlisted her to there)..after our initial holding..I tried nursing..and she from Day one hasn't ever had trouble...her latch is good (no damage to the tatas thus far)..her only issue or really my issue is she loves to eat!... which having 3 other kids can be interesting...  The kids loved her and I was worried most for Nia but she held her for at least 10 minutes of the 15 minutes she was at the hospital lol.. it got wild so they seen her held her and left! :) ... We had loved ones come and visit and meet Skyla which was really sweet.

Since being home we all have adjusted. Sondra is the pro..no really she is a pro big sister and the reason why Shania is such a great helper is because she has had a wonderful role model to know what to do. She also has done wonders in taking over Shania when she needs extra attention while momma is busy without even being asked. We even have to watch it because when I discipline her she will go to Sondra for comfort. Or even sometime when she is upset she would rather have Sondra....insert heart breaking here...tear tear tear ...sniffle.... WHICH I just need to remember that would happen whether I was a good or bad mom..she is getting her attention that she needs and deserves... Stuart always takes me back with Skyla...he isn't baby crazy..but he will nuzzle Skyla and talk to her in a baby voice and tell her she is his girl...time to time he will hold her... and Shania...is Shania..some days she is up my butt and I can't handle it others she stays away..but not a day doesn't go by that she don't love on Skyla..which is really cute....and scary... and I wondered how she would react to the whole nursing thing...it was inevitable:

I glance over while watching TV..lol.. oh Nia :) 

Skyla is almost 1 1/2 months old..jeeze..its gone by fast... I hug and love her..and gaze at her and think..am I done with this??? I just am not sure. My doctor told me she felt comfortable if I wanted to have another baby just not within a year. She "reinforced" incision and told me it actually looked better than when I had Shania. So I'm not sure...I'm just enjoying this babe as much as I can. 

Sondra and Stuart's birthdays have come and gone too! ... Sondra wanted to go to American Girl...and we finally did it Saturday...we have been so stinking busy..so last minute Sondra and a friend went. It was pretty fun..We stopped at Culvers for lunch then off to the store at Easton...Sondra and Aniya went from doll to doll checking out everything telling me stuff about them.then they wanted to go to Justice (hell in other words) and they picked out best friend jewelry...they actually picked out a hamburger best friend necklace...:) LOL that is my daughter! 

lol they wanted a picture together with their necklaces attached :) 

Stuart wants to go to chuckie cheese with Jude......I have so been putting it off but now he is begging about it again because Sondra did her birthday thing.. lol..I will I will!..I just need to get a sitter... 

I pose one question... going to the Michigan show I realized how hard it will be to keep tabs on my kids at the Allen County Fair..I'm looking for some type of GPS tracker for my 2 middles...does anybody have any ideas...I mean I know I am supposed to watch my kids...but I want something if they were to wonder off..I know they will... It freaks me out..at the show it was all Sheep people but at the fair there is a bunch of weirdos...I'm trying to figure something out...let me know if you guys have anything in mind... I mean look this is a common thing with these 2...: 

these 2 I feel like are always in trouble 

Welp I must be going... please pray for me and my own..and I can do the same for you!

6 days/Nurse/StuSchool/ECT

This time next week I'll be holding my baby girl probably blurry eyed because I'll restart the "whole not sleeping" thing... Less than a week...6 days...jeeze! We are slowly but surely getting ready...I've gotten 2 of the 4 rooms "cleaned" up for unexpected guests...but this week plan to get kitchen and living room finished...but those are high traffic get dirty easy rooms..but that will be done this weekend... and if your reading this...and you want to drop in..please call or text first..or even better yet...invite us over for dinner :) lol... 

just because my house will be a boobs out kinda thing for a while..I mean I should be covered up..but ya know..I can't count on what Shania will be doing... She has seen babies covered up while nursing but doesn't get what is going on... I can just imagine her walking around without a shirt feeding her baby...LOL... Sondra asked when I bought some bottles ...so are you going to feed this baby like me and stu or are you going to just pump or you going to nurse?  I told her my main goal is to nurse that I shouldn't ever have to feed her a bottle BUT I the bottles were for anybody else to feed her because I know her big sisters would want to!...and in the back of my head.... and Momma will need to be baby free every once and awhile so yeah!... Stu however asked me too in his funny way...I had my breast pump out of the box and he so affectionately talked "pump" ...he would imitate it while I did it....and he said are you going to be a "pumper" again...lol...no I don't plan on it full time...and he says so are you going to feed Skyla with your ..you know whats? the inappropriate word..lol... Yes Stuart I am going to feed Skyla with my Boobs. That is what God made them for its not inappropriate if that is what you are talking about. :) ... so it will be a adjustment...I've got 2 covers and a nice comfy bedroom that I can retreat too.

This week has been pretty busy too! Yesterday Stuart was tested for Kindergarten. I had some anxiety going into it. Even knowing that his teacher was already picked out but still for that test I was a little worried. Last year when he took the screening the first time I felt less than. I felt like I failed him. All along I'd been told oh he is a boy ect ect... he will be fine and then he was screened and walked out knowing we had a tough summer ahead of us because we had alot of things to work on before fall..and then a few days later receiving a call he couldn't get a spot in the 2 year program I was so upset. I recently had a IEP meeting with his teachers and Principal and we looked over his achievements and his yet to be achieved goals his IEP will follow him. So going into kindergarten screening his 2 areas he has issues with didn't worry me. It was his other stuff that he should be ready for. Our whole goal for him in preschool was to prepare him for the 1 year kindergarten program. So this was really in my eyes the "preschools" test if they got their job done. And you know what... going over his screening with the same person that did it last year it was great she was really impressed with what a difference had been made especially in his speech (she was my old speech therapist). The areas besides speech and fine motor skills he did great in he almost doubled his score in each area then his first screening. So that was a relief...seriously a big relief... I know next year will not be easy but I feel good him walking in the 1st day and his teacher knows his strengths and know his weaknesses....

Sondra has one more day of school left! I for the life of me still cannot believe that next fall she will be in 3rd grade. Oh Lordy...I again still can't believe she will be 9 June 27th... I think next year when she turns 10 it might even be harder...I'll turn 30..but her turning 10 will be a tough... double digits.... 

But once she is done with school hello sleeping in...well at least for a few days... I'm in the tough weeks where I'm going man this baby needs to get here..I'm not getting my usual 8-9 hours a sleep but past 2 nights I've barely gotten 5... lol... I've constantly have heartburn..I only get it when pregnant but it has never been nearly this bad...I sat up in bed for a few hours through out the night because I felt like I was going to puke! I think I'm going to try and sleep upright in my chair ..or at least start out there..I really love my bed so it drives me batty not sleeping in it! 

My last appointment went great on Wednesday. So my whole goal this pregnancy was not to gain as much weight as I did with Sondra or Shania... Sondra was close to 50lbs...Shania it was 35... I looked at my little card I took to every appt to track my weight and stats and seen if I didn't gain 8lbs in one week that I would be under. When I walked out I checked my card out and look at that!...I'm 10lbs less than I was at Shania's last baby doc appt.. I was so happy :)... this whole pregnancy I've tried to be more active ... and I have...I've intentionally been active and moving thank you  to my fitbit... it was a tough realization even before knowing I was pregnant at the time..but weighing myself and being absolutely uncomfortable with what it said...then knowing I was pregnant and deciding I'm not throwing it all to the wind just because I was preggers but don't get me wrong..I've ate like a pregnant woman But I've continued to move. My goal was to stay close to my "safe" number..so yeah...I feel pretty proud of myself...I have 20lbs to lose to get back to my happy number which feels attainable then from there will begin my "journey" into lets look like the "Joie" everybody remembers. lol..  

Well this weekend starts our weekend of getting stuff done and not doing anything we don't need to do besides Sunday... I'm going to a baby shower in greenville for a clum cousin then my parents have a 40th anniversary cook out that day too.. 

Well by the time I update you next I'll have my sweet babe...it might be a few weeks months or years lol....

Please keep me in your prayers especially Wednesday :) ... 

Love, 

Me 

  

  

14DAYS/ball/and stuff

Today..Officially 14 days till Skyla arrives...are you sick of the opening of my blogs...they usually begin with the countdown :)...currently I'm in the midst of washing the baby clothes right now... Once I get that done I'll feel really good!.. because my biggest worry stress of what am I going to do with my other 3 monsters while I'm in the hospital has been resolved too! With Shania ..school was still in and they were attending the Learning tree. So I was lucky enough my Mom was able to drop them off and pick them up while she was at work and  Jake and I were left to live a single child life living it up in the hospital! :)...Mommas are such blessings...I literally could not function without her as a parent... but anyways... school will be just out and I'm at home with them...luckily again..I'm blessed with lots and lots of cousins and my cousin Chloe will be watching the kids! Jake will be able to stay at the hospital the first night and then when he wakes up in the mornings he will just drop the kids to Chloe and pick them up later. I'm hoping or thinking I should be out on Saturday at the latest..have her Wednesday AM, stay Thursday Am, hey maybe I'll get out Friday lunchtime/evening...We'll see!.. but we are covered that is what matters!~.....

Softball and Tball are in full swing~... I'm really enjoying watching Sondra play... I didn't think or have said I wouldn't encourage Softball lol..but jeeze... its so much better than Tball... its coach pitch but its exciting...only down fall they do these cheers from the bench but many parents pointed out that it is very annoying but it keeps them involved and focus on the game and that they do out grow it... but these days..especially watching Sondra...I'm seeing her mature and wow she isn't a little baby no more she isn't a little girl no more either...She will be 9 next month....FLIPPING NINE YEARS OLD!...am I old enough to have a 9 year old??? dang... I blinked and here she is... my time hop has been blowing up with pictures of the kids and I just think...where did time go especially with Sondra.
Now Stuart and Tball... he has gotten better since last year... he likes to bat and is okay playing the field but you know his attention span so he does get reminded to focus..but I'm pretty proud of the kids...we got a young team and they are learning... Jake went in wanting to teach them fundamentals not just playing to win a tball game..but stepping when you throw know where the play is at..and that is what we are doing...there has been a lot of parent help so the few games I've been at its fun...except last night..last night it rained and we stood in the rain..no fun lol....

My Younqiue make up party was a success! I was able to get some really great stuff! I can't wait to get it either! Like... really really excited!... I'm stalking my tracking thing a lot..its not coming till Monday but I hope its sooner!

we have started the renters search and will be showing it to a few people next week...please pray all goes smoothly and we find the right renters. :) I don't need no stress in that area..we would love to sell it but again..we can't take a loss! so we might be renting for a while..which means...we will be waiting on building our forever home... that is the only hard part...waiting...I mean..in Lafayette we knew it was our "starter home"...we stayed there 2 years longer than we wanted...but that is okay...and now.. although we are very happy where we are...a big change from Lafayette..but we are happy...but I keep thinking of well "when" we build our new home ect ect... that is just how life is..but sometimes it seems unattainable..but I know its not... I know it will happen... I only need to be patient.

I hope whoever may be reading this everything is well with you...I know its not perfect..but I hope you are well! Please pray for me and my own and I can pray for you. :) anything specific just message me! :) I might update before baby is here..but I can't promise anything :)...

Love,
Me

D-Day/WeekendPlans/PreschoolMothersDay/MakeUpParty

Skyla will be here in 26 days..I could tell you then how many hours, mins, and down to the seconds...lol... its really real....its so real that I'm saying to myself am I ready for this??? On one hand I cannot wait to hold my baby and with my newest niece Brielle being born its really fueled the fire of I want my baby right now!... but I can't wait to bring her home to her siblings, see Jake with another precious little girl- who will begin this intimate relationship with him that at times I get jealous of... the kids look at him like he hung the moon... I just can't wait for all this to begin...but then I look at the count down 26 days... 26 days and I'll be getting up every few hours to nurse a baby... 26 days and our whole family dynamic changes again... 26 days and Shania's world gets rocked... (Sondra & Stuart are pros at this)...  wow... 26 days...then if I had a 3rd hand I would say I have 26 days left of ever feeling a tiny little human in my womb. Like I have said before I'm waiting to hear how my doctor feels about having another baby ever...but I think I'm to that point physically without the doctor telling me... if anyone has ever carried a baby the experience is just profound. You are never alone in your thoughts. Especially now Skyla has a bit of a busy session and nap session..and then feeling her hiccups. I'll miss this season of my life. So 26 days till D day...


Whats on the menu for this weekend... Friday is up in the air...my favorite Saturday Jake and I are taking a Concealed Carry class. Coming from a family that loves to hunt and shoot their guns I can't tell you I have any memory of myself shooting any type of gun especially a handgun. I never once felt unsafe being home a lone at my house growing up. I never felt really unsafe being a lone at home in Lafayette...but man..there are times when Jake is away and I'm the "adult" at home now with the kids I get a little weirded out. I can't handle when cars drive slow by my house or have pulled in and sat there a minute or 2 ect ect.. Or watching the news and seeing a shooting in the parking lot where I shop...or how I was getting into my car at Walmart with my kids and this man starts talking to me in the next car about how he thinks he knows me and wants me to come over and talk to him (at the time I had my hand on my taser and still felt nervous!) ... I don't like feeling helpless so yeah I've wanted a gun and have wanted to take a CCW class so I feel confident in how to not feel helpless! So Jake got me a gun! :) My first time shooting I was  a little dismayed like I'm not sure I can do this... then second time and with a little pointers I finally figured out the aiming lol... I kept saying I am going to be so embarrassed if I'm the only one who can't hit the target! Well I'm not really great but I'm going to keep practicing! Its actually kind of fun shooting.
Sunday is church day and mothers day. :) ... I love Sunday b.c. its unscheduled. we don't have any sports and its what we want to do which is usually outside working on sheep or barn stuff or sometimes its just vegging out doing absolutely nothing.... I've been doing a lot of that lately during the week so I'm usually up to being outside with actual people even if its dragging a chair for barn to barn lol .....


Today I went to Stuart's school for the Mother's day Celebration. It was so cute! He greeted me at the door with a paper flower bouquet. We sat first to eat a snack. Then we went and planted some seeds in a little cup he had painted. He planted only grass in mine lol :)... Then he made me a paper wind chime...which the greatest part he drew a picture of me with Skyla in my belly and then added himself to when he was in my belly too! lol He loved taking his little sister Shania around show all the "centers" he plays at. The most humorous was when we are eating snacks and a little girl comes sits by us and Stuart goes that is my girlfriend Lilly! lol (I have heard so much about also)... He proceeds to get her a napkin and cup for her snack AND tells me to scoot over! ha... and recalling throughout the whole time we were there we were not too far away from Lilly. It was pretty cute. and I wondered if Lilly knew she was his girlfriend- and after chatting with her Mom she said she was pretty smitten with him too. :)

Me & Stu

It was really neat getting to see the faces with the names that Stuart talks about. And it was very funny or a little scary when a parent says OH that is Stuart who I hear about so much. LOL... I always worry about him and his wild boy ways that he won't have many friends but walking out the door today I can see I don't think he will have a problem socially really... he is a bit of a clown..now that could get him into trouble....

Another thing anybody reading...if you have ever heard of Younique make  up I'm having a book party/online party... if your interested let me know I'll add you to my party group...after going to a party and seeing the foundation I was like a believer.also their mascara is crazy too....I don't really wear make up anymore b.c. mine is so old and my lovely daughters have gotten into too...like my most recent stuff is like 4 years old from Mary Kay...then mixed in is "expensive" make up that my Gram Sondra had in her bathroom that was going to be thrown away and said I could use that!...so yeah..that was what almost 6 years ago!...jeeze..so ya I'm due for a few things...but yeah..I close my party the 12th if anyone needs/wants anything! here is the link: https://www.youniqueproducts.com/LeslieJones/party/4090428/view

alrighty! I must be going!!! I hope everyone has a happy Moms day celebrating their Momma's or you being celebrated as a Momma.. pray for those who still in the process of becoming a Momma...and I ask to pray for me and my little family and I'll pray for yours. 

Love, 

Me   

Update the MADNESS!

Oh Lord- its the middle of April... I can't believe how time has flown how fast this pregnancy has actually really gone... I've tried not to wish it away...savoring the baby kicks... savoring the time of Shania as the "baby"... as much as I have been counting down the days to Skyla's due date- now I'm fearing the dwindling days... I've got my breast pump, bottles, udder cover, baby carrier, 1 wubbanub bink (had a 2nd but Nia grabbed that one up), and new boppy pillow...I feel "prepared"... but I still need to get a few boxes of diapers to be prepared...and I still need to dig out the baby girl 0-3 clothes out and wash those.....I still need to deep clean the whole house...eeehhh.... including the kid's bedrooms...that is what I'm currently working on with them...eehhh...thats just the inside of the house....... so yeah.. Pray for my anxiety... pray I get a burst of energy to get my list done!

I cannot wait for school to be out! see that is my dilemma though...the kids are out the 27th- Skyla is born June 1st!....LOL... but yes...I'm ready for "easy" mornings... as far as...I'm ready for my alarm to not wake me up at 6:20 and I start the process of waking Jake, Stuart, and then super spy quietness of waking up Sondra BUT not waking up her little sleeping sister 4 feet away Shania...

Sondra has started her 1st yr of softball. :) She seems to really like it. She has practice 2 times a week and then Stuart next week will start T-ball..well Jake too... He will be coaching...so Stuart's practices start next week and are on opposite nights which is good...once Games start sadly looking at schedule their games are on the same night...and with Jake coaching I HAVE to then take Sondra's games and will miss all if not most of Stuarts.....which then 2 times a week Jake goes to open mats for wrestling(I have learned that this sport truly never ends)......and once school is out..I'm going to send Stuart with his Dad to get him outta the house!...oh and Sondra goes to Piano on Thursday evenings.. So although we are just starting this craziness...I cringe at the thought of our schedule...but hope I can keep up... the problems of having multiple kids.... :)...so yea.. pray for my sanity please...

I'm looking forward to this weekend :)..like really looking forward...  I've always wanted to go to the Vera Bradly sale..and finally I'm going! Originally I was going to go Friday night stay in hotel have a bit of a girls night just a "retreat" since wrestling season has been officiallyover..but things fell through and now I'm leaving EARLY Saturday morning...but I keep thinking at least I'm actually going to the sale!! I love Vera product..I'm not a fan of all their prints but all my Vera bags have been awesome quality and hold up great... I'm looking for a diaper bag to carry for the "girls"...so you know I'm looking for a  big ole girly print bag to carry all their crap ... also looking for 2 small bags for Shania and Sondra and would like to fill them with little things.. be their big sibling surprise when they come up to hospital to meet Skyla...

Friday Jake and I are going to town with the kids to get Sondra a new glove (we didn't even think about the difference in baseballs and softballs but her glove is too small)... and also she needs a batting helmet..then Jake is taking the older kids to look at sheep and me and Nia are going to run to wallyworld... so fun fun...

Today- I discovered Shania's last binky we said she would have has some holes in it. I intended to wean her from her bink after Skyla gets here...but now I have no choice. I'm not buying her a new bink and I can't have her using her current bink for much longer... so Friday is the night... friday is the special day!... friday  is D day... ..I've been dropping hints today...oh no this is almost broke...oh no.. we will cut this off tomorrow...  so sincerely PRAY Friday evening....Sondra had all types of binks and we had a "binky party"...we threw them in a bonfire and then gave her a small gift... I'm thinking while at Walmart pick something up and then telling her she can have it once we cut her last binky off....

hmm... problems problems... lol.. I'm really to blame... I should have taken it a while ago..but its like saying she isn't a baby no more without her bink...hmm... its inevitable her growing up well all the kids growing up...but very much so with her right now... its been hard...I only see her as a baby and with Skyla's arrival in June it will be clear...it will be fact she no longer is the baby... I stressed and agonized with Stuart's arrival for Sondra... and then for Stuart... how their world will change how they will feel about me and their new sibling... so.. its clear to me I'm doing this with Shania now...and feeling even worse with just the fact that she is younger she is used to having my full attention since I've been home from day one and it will be harder for her to comprehend what all is happening...


Jake and I will probably be putting our house in Lafayette up for sale our current renters should be out by the end of June...so anyone in the market for a 2 bedroom home in town hit us up! We would love to show you it give me a call or text! 419-204-2072....

welp! I must be going!!!.. I could go on for days of what is running through my head... I've got lots going on... lots of prayer requests...so please remember me and mine in your prayers and I can absolutely do the same for you... Until next time...

Love,
Me

Update :) Family, Retreat, The Sun will come out tomorrow???, Reunion,,

about a month later and Skyla has introduced herself to her siblings already... well Kinda..Last Saturday me and girls our laying in my bed and Skyla begins Kicking/punching.... I say Sondra watch this!! Look right here...and sure enough..Sondra yelps! and then goes ehh that is weird...she really is in there... lol ..yes Sondra...Mommy really does have a baby in her belly... I think Shania believes it more. Its like Shania looks at me like Mommy..but my belly is the baby like a whole second part. Give Mommy kisses for bed my girl..No BABY! AND she pulls up my shirt and hugs and kisses till I manage to pull her up to me! Also- she has taken a real liking to her Dad...like she has even ignored me when Daddy gets around...which I told Jake to get ready in a few months she will be up your butt for real! which in part makes me smile..its sweet to see her cuddle with her Dad in his chair..she'll get his blanket and bring it to him and cuddle.. and Stuart was able to feel Skyla move around in my belly too... the look on his face was priceless .....lol... he said it's alive!!!!!

 This pregnancy this time around is tiring...I'm never one to wuss out..but man... I'm sincerely ready for June 1st. Or hopefully maybe she decides to come in May which wouldn't surprise me...and selfishly I'd love my mothers ring someday to have more than just 2 colors since Sondra & Stu are June Babies and Shania is a February baby. :) Now if June was Diamonds it would be a different thing though. lol... anyways... since finding out Skyla is Skyla..I just want my baby. I feel like everyone around has their Baby!...and then on the other hand I look at Shania... and soak up these days of her being my baby...I feel a bit guilty that I gave my other 2 a full 3 years of being the baby. I still pick up Stu when he asks..(well not since I got big)....but I explained to Jake I just don't know when the last time will be so I just do it even though I know he is 5 almost 6 years old...I'm going to do it till I can't!..I can't remember the last time I pick Sondra up...makes me sad..so I look at Shania..try to make experiences that we will "remember" or take pictures of before this baby gets here.... one I'm really excited about... Sesame Street is going to the civic center and we are getting tickets to take Shania!... aahh..I can't wait to see her excitement..her Dancing..can't wait... I'm going to try and get to the zoo too before this baby gets here! The kids get out of school the May 27 I'm going to try to get to the zoo before Skyla comes the 1st. :)

What else.. the women's retreat is this weekend..which I cannot wait for!!!!! I'm excited to have a weekend with the gals and solely worry and take care of myself spiritual, emotionally, and physically. Seriously- ready for this! its always a great time to be with the women of our church...the retreat theme is the fruit of the spirit and an awesome speaker is coming and we are doing one of those Paint sessions AMA is coming in to teach us..and there is crafts ect..I'm anxious for Saturday.

Monday and Tuesday...man the weather was awesome!...I can't wait till that is a constant..it was so fun playing outside taking walks getting my "steps" in...nothing is worse watching TV standing in place walking..just isn't the same... :S I'm ready to pick up cloth diapering again... I stopped when I couldn't hang my clothes on the line...so I'm ready to start that again too!!! WELL I'm hoping Shania gets really serious about potty training too.. I've I was harder or more structured she probably would be... lol.. I"m not sure how much to push it with Skyla's arrival impending... oh and I'm a bad mom she still has her binks too...eeehhh... I don't look forward to taking those... after the baby..by 2 1/2 well maybe by September is the deadline...Sondra was over 2.5..right before Stuart arrived...we may be having another "binky" party... lol... oh well..the memories :)....

Another funny..this summer should be my class reunion of 10 years...jeeze...seems crazy...I'm hoping its far enough away from Skyla's due date..but ya know..depending on my confidence I may just go even if its a couple weeks after her birth.. eh.... I like seeing friends I haven't seen in ages :)... me and my BF said we would be skinny for our 5..then we revised it for our 10...well damn... I guess it will be for our 15 (do they do 15) or 20... I'll eventually get there :) after all this baby cooking though!...

welp I'll see you guys later...
PS Pray for me and my own..we always need it :)... pray for the AE community

Love,
Me

Just one thing! Vday

Skyla Rachel has made her presence known to her Daddy....Valentine's Morning in bed I quickly grabbed Jake's hand...him probably expecting something different :) ..but I say...keep it right there...can you feel her??...and he did..she kept kicking/punching... we laid there a few minutes just feeling Skyla show her Daddy who she was... probably my most favorite Valentine's ever.....

Like always Jake spoiled his girls on Vday... Jake gave Shania a Baby ring of her birthstone with candy and a horse stuffed animal... Jake also gave Sondra her first pair of real diamond earrings and matching horse stuffed animal and candy.

For my valentine I gave Stuart a bunch of candy, gum, and tictacs (the kid's breath is disgusting) and a electric blanket. I busted out my electric blanket a few weeks ago and since then Stu had been stalking mine. Comes home from school strips down to his underwear and says I'll be laying on your heater blanket Mommy... :) So he has his own now for his bed...

When Jake told me what he got the girls I was like giving him a hard time and he asked if I was jealous...lol...and I said no i'm sure my valentine is making me a card at school and so I asked Stuart that day and he said No Mommy I am not...SO I acted sad...well the next day he came home with a card he had asked to make during his OT time and said I couldn't read it till valentine's day. :) So adorable... it had a cut out heart on front with Yarn strings on it and in the middle of the card Stuart had traced/wrote you pull on my heart strings and signed his name :) ... I love his OT helpers for doing that... also note... Stuart can be so very boy and tough and outrageous and uncontrollable and crazy and a rule breaker..but man....he is very sweet..not everyone does see it..but he is a lover for sure...

Jake and I are very intentional with valentine's day. I know its a made up holiday ect ect...but we take the opportunity for Daddy to shower his girls with love and special things and vice a versa with Stu and me. Eventually maybe Stu will want to take me out.. maybe next year :)

Until Next Time!
Love,
Me

SKYLA and SONDRA TIME

hello all! .... 

I cannot believe I'm half way through this pregnancy.  With all the kids I felt like I waited and waited for the halfway point..waiting for my 20 week ultrasound and finding out what the baby was... and then its like oh my gosh we are half way there....Jeeze!... well its old news but yes! We had our 20 week ultrasound...going into this pregnancy I'd be lying that I was wanting a boy. With Sondra it had to be a girl like mind over matter SHE was going to be a girl...seriously... with Stu I just knew.  Shania..I really didn't know either way my pregnancy with her was like both the kids... inside I wanted a girl for Sondra because she wanted a sister so naturally this time around inside I did want a boy. Sondra and Stu both wanted a boy. I reminded and reminded them that it was already decided what this baby was and God was giving us what we needed. I reminded Stu that plenty of people and friends he had only had sisters. So going into the ultrasound I was super nervous for Stu. I didn't want to disappoint him. Jake from the beginning said he felt like it was a girl. So it was no surprise to him! But thankfully she was cooperative and we found out it was a she. Wow!... We get in the truck and I'm looking at the ultrasound and Wow... 3 girls Jake...3 girls and Stu.. LOL... I had Jake stop at MelloCreme donuts because I really wanted a peanut butter filled stick and thought it might soften the blow for the kids. "eat your feelings kids"... but yeah..The kids sprayed silly string telling them what the baby was. Sondra starts screaming! lol.. Stuart his usual response to a girl...its a girl and hangs his head down..but thankfully quickly recovers and says well I don't have to share my room with her!!! Pointing at Sondra... SO that made it all better...Stuart still tells me time to time that its a boy..but I remind him NO I have pictures its a girl!... 

Then the next hard part... we could not decide on a name... like we had 2 names going in but once its like final or real you start to question them... They were Schuyler and Shawn... I liked them but the more I thought about it... They were so boyish...my first 2 girls have such feminine names.. would I really give my 3rd girl a boy name? another thing my 1st boyfriend was named Skyler... I'm sorry... that is just strange lol... so back and forth we went around and around..then one Sunday we made a note on Jake's phone... we put down all the names... we decided each day we would take one off... we got to about half way through the week and I asked Jake which name he was taking off that day and his reply was something to Skyla Rachel Clum - I think it's a meet in the middle. and there was some back and forth lol as usual.. and I said Okay then I guess she is named! .. lol.. Skyla was off a list of names me and Jess was going through one night we were hanging at her house. Once I looked up the meeting it means Scholar which so does Schuyler which then I read further was a Feminine variant. :) So sincerely Skyla was a perfect pick. My only take back was it "too different" in people's opinion I had that thought about Shania's name. But then you get to that point of its my child..I'm carrying the thing..I made it...so its none of your business. :) Only thing that matters is that me and Jake and the kids love it. of course Rachel is from my Sister in law. Leading up to the ultrasound I told Jake..."I think I want to use Rachel for a middle name if its a girl...well I know I want too"... so going into it at least we knew that :) .. 

On to much sadder things... I've heard of Sondra for the first time being "bullied"... like legit... she seemed a little off yesterday..but I was just assuming the whole..I'm a girl and I'm moody sometimes... then I seen a friend's status on Facebook that her daughter had a terrible time at school because she was picked on... I say Sondra... what happened today at school with said girl..you weren't being mean were you?.. (I don't really believe she would be but she is a kid its bound to happen but we are intentional at home how we treat people and differences ect ect but I'm not a fool and think my child is God's greatest gift :) ) She says no mom they were making fun of me and her laughing at us ect ect.... I said are you serious Sondra??? Did you tell the teacher??? and she said yea and the teacher said "ok lets not do that"...... so that is where I'm upset. Sondra and friend was straight legit bullied taunted like the kids surrounded them pointing their fingers laughing at them and that was the response. I never wanted to be that parent..but yeah... I emailed the teacher. I explained it bothered me that Sondra didn't think the kids were reprimanded for bullying them. Her teacher's reply this morning was she didn't even know they were making fun of Sondra too. (Sondra says when it happened teacher was out in hallway) Her teacher said that 2nd graders are mean one minute but friends the next. That if it occurred daily then that is considered bullying and a form would be filled out here at school.  And that to let me know it would be taken care of at school today. .... here is my issue with this... 1. you are made aware by a student kids were being "mean". You don't question further what was happening or who it involved? 2. Call it what it is. Even if it doesn't happen daily... they were bullied! (1 of 3 kids has already been in trouble for calling names Sondra said this past weekend) 3. Taken care of today?... I wonder what that involves....I don't think it needs to be something big...but something needs done or when I read my friends status and thought if Sondra has anything to do with this..she is writing those girls a letter about how sorry she was and how rude she was acting.... that is just me though... Students need to know when it is brought to their teacher's attention it will be taken care. I wonder why Sondra didn't tell me about it when she got home first thing... is it because Teacher didn't make a big deal about it so why should she??? I don't know. Just off-putting to realize it starts in 2nd grade... and like a good parent I'm giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt and believing it is being taken care today.  

I hope Sondra doesn't remember this like its not a big deal.. I remember when we first got into foster care and we started getting black kids and getting older ones around my age and they started school... I had never been around black people before but I was ignorant to the fact of racism ect ect. but I remember being called a "nigger lover" and not to eat after me because some of my friends were sharing a snack... obviously it was learned at home but still.. it was the first time I really even heard the word..but the first time I felt less than... that has always stuck with me so I hope Sondra just dusts this off her shoulders and moves on...I know its not the same being made fun of looks vs my situation..but still...its that first time in your life you really feel like you are the issue..its you..your different..in a bad way... 

which ultimately call it cheesy... I'm glad I have a bunch of kids. Because despite my failings and shortcomings of growing up and disappointing my parents because I was raised better... I get to do my best with my kiddos and instill the Strong and Kind attitude. That is what I call it..I messaged the other Mother and at the end I put Strong Kind Mommas Unite!.... Truly I want kind kids. 

Well that is all the belly hollering I'm going to do today! ...  until next time

Love, 

Me 

Feeling Christmissy & Clum#4 & More

So I’ve been a bit MIA this year. I can say I have wrote more in my journal which is good for memories for my kids or grandkids someday to read and think…oh my lord…she was literally crazy. J

My state right now?

Right now as everyone knows it is a few days before Christmas and unlike normal I’m super excited! This year we have a “big” tree with lights AND ornaments and it has even been up since since December 1^st. Yes, you can say I’m being very festive. I normally have a mini 3-4 ft tree and that doesn’t even go up till the middle of December. I put off wrapping presents because I HATE to wrap. Something changed this year. I’m not sure. I don’t know if it’s because Jake & I’s family is getting bigger and bigger? Or maybe I’m just “happier”? I’m really excited to see the kid’s faces Christmas morning. Sondra has always loved her “American Girl” dolls and this year she realized they were not actual American Girl brand but a cheaper version. So- this year looking at Christmas money and their present budget I was going to make it work for us to get her a actual American Girl doll. Shania I’m super excited too for her to open her presents. She is getting for her “want” a Bitty Baby from American Girl too. Then I well Santa got her a diaper bag with some essentials and a couple preemie outfits to fit her baby and had 3 mini cloth diapers made for her too. Her sibling Gift well Stu was the one who seen it at once upon a child a used fisher price cradle and he asked if he could get her that for her gift. I know she will be getting a stroller too. I can’t wait to see her react. Both the girls are getting special “want” presents. Sondra is literally going to freak. We have talked a lot about this past year how expensive they are and how we will eventually get her one but she just has to wait…then when I started thinking on Christmas it just struck me that she has made a lot of sacrifices too with this “new” life of living here and me staying home. How she has really matured since Shania has come and has stepped up and how hard I am on her (I hate to admit that don’t tell her Dad)…but I thought we need to try and do this. So yeah…I obsessed and researched which one to buy. I had one in mind the look a likes and when we were looking just to look at them online she picked the one I thought looked like her most and would be good. So yea I was elated. Shania getting a bitty baby mostly because I needed to fill her budget and I got their dolls 20% off and free shipping. Here is a makeup of how we do presents.

 This is the 2^nd year of doing it last year they were a little annoyed but this year they didn’t even bat an eye. They get 1 Santa present, something from their siblings, Something to wear, Something to Read, and Something they need, and something they want. Doing it this way has helped me to not just buy aimless crap. Or cheap plastic crap that I’ll throw away before the next Christmas. My favorite to buy is their something to read. I love books and with Stu I found a Jurassic Dino Guide that tells about a whole bunch of dinos and has pictures which we made one in a notebook but lacked a lot of pictures and he makes me just read it to him so he will really like his book. Also- I got him the book “The Stinky Cheese Man”. Shania got a Elmo book about sleeping in a big kid bed. And Sondra got a certain book from a series she likes. She is getting pretty specific in what she likes to read so I got to stick to it. Stuart was my hard one to buy for. Shania I had to force myself not to buy a few extra gifts I kept reminding myself that her birthday is in February it’s okay if she doesn’t get a Pony Surprise for Christmas that can be her birthday present. But Stu every toy commercial comes on he says I want that, I need that!  He didn’t or couldn’t consistently tell me one thing he really wanted. So I seen the 7” Kindle Fires for $35 and thought perfect! He will love it since he plays games on Jake’s old iPhone that has a cracked screen. It will be nice to have that as leverage over him. J Then his Santa gift he got that big nerf module gun that he can change it or whatever. He did tell me that a few times and I thought he will get in trouble with it but yes boys and nerf guns it’s just a natural pair.

This Clum baby #4 has me…anxious and undone. We find out next month what it shall be. We are super excited! I’m also happy and relieved that I’m into my 2^nd trimester. I’ve always felt lucky to have normal pregnancies and miscarriage has never had me worried but this time around it has. At my 12 week check up the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat and I just got done asking her about if something was wrong I would be bleeding or I would know something is wrong and she said No. That she has had patients come in and have no idea or swore they felt the baby move that day. Then she told me I shouldn’t sit and worry about it and how miscarriage rates go way down in 2^nd trimester. HEH..so yeah she can’t find a heartbeat and she reassured me it was the Doppler that it had been acting funny and my 3 c-section scar tissue didn’t help either. But told me I could wait in the exam room or waiting room and they will get me in and do a quick ultrasound. Let me tell you what- it was an eternity…but really a few minutes. Jake had texted me to see what was taking so long at that moment I was regretting I never asked him to every appointment heh…holding my tears in sitting in the waiting room I let him know. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it now… but I sat and just thought how I’d tell the kids and EVERYONE else. I told myself I wouldn’t be bitter if I did indeed had lost the baby. I hate that “lost the baby”. Like its my fault? But I prayed to God. I prayed as I walked back to the ultrasound room and prayed that even though I hadn’t met this baby yet I prayed for him to let me keep it because I loved it…and didn’t actually realize how much I loved it till this moment. As soon as the lady put the cold jelly on my abdomen and the tv screen filled with our baby and I immediately seen the heart beating I just smiled. She looked at me probably seeing my huge smile and tears in my eyes she told me it looked perfect and everything was fine. She looked at everything got me a few pictures and showed me the babe in 3d and it just amazed me. This babe hadn’t been “real” to me that it was just a thought. I mean yeah I’ve had the pregnancy symptoms but just the thought of a 4^th child it hadn’t I guess really hit me. And as she was looking at the baby measuring ect I just said Oh my goodness that is a baby! It’s a baby in there it just feels so real seeing this. And she just smiles and says well Joie it is pretty real to me you see that is its arm and its other arm and showed me all of the parts laughing. This is my 4^th child I’ve seen many ultrasounds so yeah- I’m not making this up. It became really real that day so for that I’m thankful I was able to have an unexpected ultrasound. J Also- my 16 week check up Monday as soon as she put the Doppler on my tummy we heard the heart beat 150. That rascal!

So- this is the first year of the holidays without my last remaining Grandparent here. We still went to Gramps house for thanksgiving and will be for Christmas. It still seems so strange for Gramps to not be here. With Stuart and Shania I thought about how I was sad that Grandma would never meet them- but now this feeling is different. It makes me sad that Gramps won’t meet this one or this baby won’t brighten his whole day. Because gramps stayed home all the time and couldn’t leave the house much so when he seen one of his grandkids it surely made his whole day and everyone would hear who stopped by and what trouble or funny thing they did. Sondra has her “grandma cookies” and now Sondra, Stuart, and Shania have “Grandpa’s candy”. Little things that will keep their memory alive. It just seems weird though an unsinkable ship sunk when he passed away. I never believed he would make it far past grandma but then it came to be that he would probably never die in my thoughts- he always got better. So yea- I think you should make memories keep your traditions and hug your family every chance you get. You never know when you will lose any of your family. You can’t guarantee who sits at your table this Christmas will be at the next.

Shania and a new baby... I think baby 4 will shake Shania to her core lol... Well everyone knows it... Everyone that knows her says Oh my goodness what are you going to do?...I really don't know. There is nothing quiet or delicate about that girl...I'm amazed at how different my 3 kids are. I thought Sondra was a wild Lady...oh uh huh nothing compared to Nia. She is the child that NEEDS a younger sibling and I'm glad she will get one but man its scary... its scary because she likes me being hers... she is bossy....she is pushy...and she isn't afraid to fight for what she wants...so yes...we will have a big adjustment come June. (yes June...I thought I would get a may baby since I go a week early with a C/S but low and behold they move my due date back and it will be first week of June...3 flipping kids in June lol)....Anyways... my thoughts with getting her all decked out in Baby gear for Christmas is whatever I'm doing with Baby 4 she can do too... maybe she won't be so far up my butt fighting to get to my lap but also she will be sitting beside me taking care of her baby... Just start praying now :) 

So... its a little Abbey Evils day (that is a endearing name for my wild women)... I can hear the girls in their room awake from their nap... I must be going :)... I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!....PS if you would like to come to a Christmas Eve service Harrod Christian Church has one :) anyone and everyone is always welcome!

 

Apologies, Gramps, fair, hair, and Preschool goodbyes

Oh hello :)
1. I'm sorry its been a really long time since I've updated you. Seems as if life gets in the way of a SAHM. Sometimes I probably could update you and I feel like I have nothing to say. Other times I have  A LOT to say but just can't get it out. A lot of life has passed in these last few months..big changes..big loses..
2. My Gramps passed away.. I'm feeling more sorrow or pain you can say than I did leading up to it. I was actually happy. I was happy that he was reunited with Gram. I was happy he was in heaven enjoying life walking probably running without pain or struggle. Every time I had visited Gramps those past few times I heard him say something about Gram. I think he was really missing her. Then when his sister came and visited and his siblings and their families all reunited......I think he was good. Truly he had nothing keeping him in this world. Sure he loved his kids and grand-kids and great grand-kids..but I can tell you once I get to that age and if Jake is in heaven...I sure as heck will want to be with him. Every time I visited him in hospital I wondered if this was the last.... I'm happy I did see him awake. My parents kept the kids and I ran up there and My Aunt Darcy was there. His dinner came in and he wanted me to feed him. But Darcy insisted she would so I figured he wanted me up by him to talk to him. I showed him my latest 3 pictures of the kids (all include them at the end) and we both chuckled at each new story of their trouble. I also told him about how me and Jake forgot our 9th year wedding anniversary. He reminded me what a good man Jake was. After a bit I told him good bye and hugged and kissed him and told him I loved him and he returned the love yous. I went to the hospital 2 more times and both he wasn't exactly there. They called in hospice and he quickly passed after that. His funeral viewing felt like it lasted 20 hours...so many people came. It actually felt like 2 viewings... the the front was gramps in his casket then the back room was full of grand kids and great grand kids running wild... lol... I figured they might charge us double... Stu was taking the free mints and selling them :)... My favorite part was hearing all these Kenny stories... Of how he helped someone in a bind..whether financially or just by doing...Gramps was a very generous man. That is his legacy...he was a good christian man..that the lord blessed him in a lot of ways...and he was always quick to give back. I think the hardest part of that whole time was seeing my family's grief. I was a little bit relieved for my younger to kids. My gramps fell and by chance Jake and the 2 old kids and a cousin found him. He was coherent and talking so my kids did talk to him that day and seen him being taken by ambulance to hospital. So they knew he was sick and hurt and I told them I wasn't sure if he was going to come home from hospital but maybe he might go home to heaven. So it wasn't like they visited gramps one day and the new thing they knew he was gone. The day of the service at the end we had to tell him goodbye. Stuart not exactly sure but was okay...Sondra in tears. Now that...yea I bauled my Momma eyes out....just like I'm doing now thinking about it...  that..was the hardest part.

3. Fair  came and went. It was a lot of fun. also a lot of accomplishments for Colt and Chloe, and Sondra. They all get better and better..... jake's 30th bday was on the last day too. at the dance party we surprised him with a cake and all :) he danced the night away lol..

4. I think my mind is set on growing my hair out... I miss it super long... its just past my shoulders now...please hair just keep growing...    

5. Stuart has started school. Well preschool. He was supposed to start kindergarten but I guess they had other plans for him. So I took him to get screened and registered for kindergarten. They did all that stuff and was told his scores ect and was told he was recommended for the 2 year program. which was exactly what we wanted. I told her I knew we had a lot to work on over the summer but we were excited b.c. we had a great experience with Sondra completing the 2 year program. On a Friday after all the kids were screened and tested I was called and a kindergarten teacher said that I knew my child best and It was up to us but after looking at the results of all the kids Stuart had much lower scores and they wanted to see if we would be interested in sending him to the preschool they thought it would be more his speed only being there a few hours than all day. I told her I would have to think about it and talk to my husband (I wasn't exactly sure what he would think about it but I knew I didn't want preschool). She said thats fine just give them a call back. Well I called back that monday and left a message that we talked about it but we would like to keep Stu in the 2 year program we felt comfortable since having Sondra go through it. I get a call back from teacher and she told me after looking things over the school psychologist and teachers recommend him for 1 year. I said I don't want 1 year...I want the 2 year. She said with his scores he wouldn't be able to do that. I was a bit upset and said I didn't understand how he wouldn't be in the class after I was told he would be and I signed the paper agreeing with what was decided. I asked if he went into the 1 year would we just automatically be held back? Their response: No we won't say that we will just see how he does. I hung up not telling them either way of what I wanted to do. I was super upset. I was upset because I felt like it was my fault. Have I failed my little man. In reality I should of realized it wasn't nobody's fault..there is no guilt here.... All kids develop differently. Stuart may not be able to write his name or do the required things that he "should" know but the kid can drive a skid loader out work his own father and everyone knows his father's busy body syndrome. His problem is he doesn't have time to do that school work. :) So after Jake went through the chain of command we were assured preschool would be a good thing. Also it will be free and will be transported to and from. So there was 2 pros. After he was screened by the preschool I was happy he did do more things for the tester and his scores went up a little bit since his kindergarten screening. They explained to me the preschool wasn't free and wasn't guaranteed bus. They want to further test him for speech and OT. Once he qualifies for extra help there- then it will be free and they will transport him until then we will have to pay and take him to and from school. So in the end after speaking with the preschool I feel good. The school wasn't going to let stuart in the 2 year program so this was our best option from there. We didn't want to put him in 1 year and watch him struggle. I'm not here wanting to bring negativity to AE at all..I'm a big supporter..but I have issue with being told I know my child best and it was our decision only to be bullied into putting him into the preschool. I only say that because with each "special services" student the preschool has another place for a typical student opens up. I'm only curious to what are the benefits of AE and having kids going to the preschool besides the obvious one. I'm praying and hoping Stuart will benefit drastically and be ready for 1 year kindergarten. That is our goal. I already know he is benefiting. I pick him up today look in his book bag and oh my word.. a color page that he colored. not real perfect but he  SAT down and colored! He never does that for me. I'm happy. He seems to enjoy it and hopefully come October his cousin Jude will be attending too..he already has his friend Aiden from church there... add a third amigo and there would be trouble :)      

6. Well ... I must be going..I don't want to write too much..I've been trying to write more in my journal. I have this beautiful leather bound journal made in Italy that my parents got me a few years ago at Christmas... and I'm shamed that it isn't even half full..that is my goal..fill my journal with adventure.

please pray for a friend her new grand daughter is having some health issues also pray for her doctors and nurses that are figuring out what is going wrong.

Love ME

halt the dead/bestbottomdiaper/badMom/PICS/Crossroads

Hello :).... You will never believe this but Jake & I have watched all of walking dead... lol... after we watched the season finale of season 5...he looks at me and says...SO..there is no more new ones???? ...lol...My reply..what are we going to do? LOL I love watching TV shows that way... I hate waiting week to week... but now..Jonas started us on a new show...its the vikings...its his favorite show..we haven't began it yet..but that's our next hopefully awesome show..

Shania's bum is pretty much all healed up... made me so sick..almost seemed it would get better than get bad again..then better....You'll never believe this next statement but we have been using cloth diapers too... well not full time...I have used disposals at night past 2 nights... after using those cloth "training pants" when she had diaper rash at its worst I thought to myself- well this isn't bad...and then I started researching and decided when we have our next I would like to to try it...then deciding on the same brand(best bottom diapers)  that my sister in law used with her 1st... I offered to buy hers and she is too kind gave me her stash..I thought..lets try with Shania... so far so good! Granted I started Saturday..but HEY!..Its a good start though... the only extra steps is the poo diapers...and luckily with Shania she is older and its more big girl poo so its not too bad...now if I cloth diapered a newborn I'd probably have to make Jake install one of those little sprayers on my toilet to clean off the baby poo..... but really if you want to get technical or frank...I'd rather knock some poo off a diaper insert and throw in a diaper pail and wash later then not buy diapers...lol... also these diapers are One size fits all..so they can go through multiple babies..so retail price they are 16.95 I found some for 15 ... I don't think that isn't too bad... I'll let you know on my next update how it goes!... so far so good... 

Mother's Day is this weekend....... I did something bad... I went to equine fair and saw all these pretty Montana west purses...and wanted to buy one so bad...but they were just so expensive...and then I thought...I was going to wait- I've got 2 4h friends that sell them..so I found one online that I really liked and they were able to track it down and get it...so I tell Jake last weekend...I've got a purse I'm getting and I'm going to give it to you and you and the kids can wrap and give it to me for mothers day lol... so ya My thought is this is truly the only holiday that its just about me..so I'm going to live it up lol... even if I picked out my own mothers day present I'm doing it...and the kids can think they did it I don't care..I'm going to act oh so surprised... and tell them what a good job they done! lol another great thing..this weekend is purse bingo!... I cant wait... a night out just me and friends... 

tonight I'm going to a Essential Oil Make and Take its mother's day theme..all stuff to pamper yourself...I'm excited!.. I love having the option of essential oils for anything...

Also- I took My cousins pictures for their grad party invite... I'm posting this one here since tateybutt didn't like it..so she won't see it here..but I love this one..its probably my most favorite lol not posed just goofing off laughing about who knows..it was a fun night..but at first I had some anxiety/nervous about I haven't taken any body's photos which is alright by me- I enjoy it as a hobby but that is it. being at home..I've come to realize my time is valuable...I'm with my 1 or all of kids literally 100% of the time almost always..so I don't always have time....but as we progressed taking pictures I got more and more comfortable with it...Makes me pretty excited for Stuart & Shania's pictures next...I'll probably throw Sondra in there too for a sibling picture and of course her "summer" picture.. 

Also- talking about my last post and my cross roads... My fasa came in and after thinking about it.. Me and Jake talking about it... it doesn't make sense to go to school right now... why go to school to wait another 7 years to use that degree.after all our kids are in school.... I'm thinking I'm going to put my application in at a daycare close to home and if something works out great...but if not that is okay too... I think I sometimes feel like I should be doing something because I'll only have one kid at home come fall and I'm less of a person. But I'm not...We will keep ourselves busy and hey maybe have a part time job..who knows!... 

welp I must be going..Mothers- enjoy your day hopefully you feel like its mother's day everyday! .. :) pray for me and my little family! ... 

Love, 

Me 

Here we go!

At a crossroads right now… Stu heads off to school in Fall… should I get a part time job? I know the family could really use it. Do I go back to school? Do I stay home and *think/consider* having my 4^th last baby? I have feelings of obligation- I very much love being at home- but I don’t think I will ever have a full time job again unless it was financially right… I like the idea the wife stays home with the kids and home and the husband comes home at night. but also the idea of school is really awesome- its just I have a few ideas of what I want to do but they are not panning out. My FASA should come back by the end of the week so we will see how that works out. When I was working I liked that I had no idea what I truly was missing. I worked because financially it was the best choice. Now- it would be a good choice but what number value do you put on time with your kids? I mean does Jake feel better that he knows I am home with the kids? Does he like having supper waiting on him when he arrives home? Does he enjoy having a cleaa….bahahaha… I don’t have a tidy home… but is he happy with me home?... hmm… decisions decisions..

My weeks have been good…it was really nice when the weather started warming up but its stagnant right now and has been chilly we have been starting our corn burner at night…I’m a newly super fan of walking dead…I know right?? Jake says I’m just 5-6 years late. Seeing how we do not have cable so our show watching is less than interesting…Walking Dead started playing on 8.2 at 10:30pm  on Wednesday nights and naturally I watched it some and was disgusted with it and so I would just watch late night…well- that kind of wore off of being disgusted or I just became desensitized and grew curious.. WELL we got a hold of the first few seasons and quickly got through them…Like..I cried in a couple episodes- I have a major crush on Darrel J I like to think if we actually had a zombie apocalypse Jake would be Darrel…plus… he kind of reminds me of Stuart …Darrel could be Stuart too.. lol… anyways..I’m crazy I know.

Sondra & Stuart have started tball… lol.. it is actually quite funny… this year marks Sondra’s 3^rd year and Stuart is just beginning. Sondra from the very beginning has always been a wonderful student. Wants to please and do her best. Stuart is a different story. He wants to do well but he and the other boys already goof off and just can’t keep their hands off each other. Boys and Girls are just so different! I very much appreciate seeing the difference. I’m happy and blessed to have both son & daughters. I’m looking forward to the games this year. Sondra will be our all star (that sounds like “that parent” doesn’t it?)… I’m just saying Sondra will be good this year being it her last year and truly she is a testament to good coaches and a good daddy playing catch with her anytime she asks… Stuart I’m excited to see his progress from first practice to last game and years following…I can see Sondra to continue the softball thing…I’m curious to see if Stuart will continue…I’m sure his Daddy wouldn’t mind…  

Shania has been my problem. She has a milk allergy. I lately have been putting a little milk into her Soymilk bottles. I just am annoyed with the fact she has this milk allergy. I hate having to get separate milk. Planning ahead when we go places knowing they wouldn’t keep soymilk in fridge. Just annoying! So Friday night I finally got up to 4oz milk and 4 oz soymilk. She had done okay with 3oz milk and 5oz soy. (sure you could tell in her diaper but nothing explosive or runny) Well she woke up with a horrible nasty diaper Saturday morning. I was gone all morning at a mom 2 mom sale and Jake was just figuring she had a bug or something. I feel horrible because he was just doing what I was telling him and he continued the soy/regular milk all day until we talked. By Saturday night he butt was flaming and was so uncomfortable we started Tylenol/Motrin to try keep her comfortable. By Sunday Jake stayed home with her while we went to church. It got worse and I was thinking I am not taking my baby to the ER for stinking DIAPER RASH. lol….so we suffered through Sunday (b.c. I was making supper and I wanted my Sister to see her diaper rash wanting to know if she thought I should take her to doc next day) and then leaving Sunday dinner early because she was just too uncomfortable. I have a lump in my throat writing about Nia’s pain. Nothing is worse then changing your babe’s diaper and her legs are trembling and she just keeps shaking her head back and forth screaming. ALL because of damn milk. Was happy I went to doctor. She gave me some nystatin that has steroids in it also. Her diaper rash is looking better but still feels like its taking forever to heal. Once this is cleared up I’m going to get her blood work done and her special order to test for Jake’s selective IGA blood deficiency. I’ve had the first 2 tested thinking they had the IGA thing but was surprised it came back negative. Hopefully Nia will surprise me and not have it..but my sis thinks she is my difficult one and will have it. So please I’m asking prayers for my little Shania for healing and comfort. She does have more good phases right now..but still is pretty sore. Please pray J thank you

 

As always keep me in your prayers please and I'll do the same for you... I'll be back soon :)

Happy Birthday Shania! EO

Wow! What a weekend we had..well what a week! .... Shania's birthday was last week!..I can not believe she is one. I know that is said so much..but literally it feels like just a few weeks ago she was born... I can not believe the time went by that fast... I can not believe I have been home for a full year. Don't worry..my house is still a complete utter mess and my children's bedrooms are clean for a few short days and back to a mess. 

On Shania's birthday I tried switching her over to regular milk..I had no more soy formula and only had regular milk. So I said lets try it!... Not such a good idea... she had explosive gas and diarrhea. Yellow foamy..just nasty...so I broke down and got her soy milk...which she took without a hitch..and she also took regular milk no problem. My other two fought the  regular milk for a few days..Shania..nope..laid down drank her whole bottle like it was nothing... but after a day or so on soy milk her bowels are back to normal...grrr... I'm not sure if there is hope for her to switch to regular milk or what...

All last week I worked on stuff for Shania's party and am so thankful that it all came together...I'm also pretty thankful that my Sis Jess came to church and helped me get everything ready and helped while the party went on... I do have the best sister...OH ya and thankful for Jake b.c. he put up ALL the decorations... (sarcasm)... Her party was perfect except for the fact I couldn't find her 1 year candle...lol...later that night when I sat down after kids went to bed...I found it in my purse!....ggrrr!

Having a "cold" birthday was a bit different than my other 2... they are june babies...and their parties are normally outside or in my grandpa's garage where we are swimming ect...But hers I thought to have it at the church since we have such a great social room there. But it was a lot of fun and work decorating it but well worth it. B.c I know Shania WILL NOT remember this but when she looks at pictures I want her to see that she was just as special as her siblings. She wasn't my first baby girl or our first baby boy or she won't remain my "baby"...instead she was the 3rd child..which she will someday have a younger sibling and will be the "middle" child..so I just want her to feel special- that she mattered..that I was on the down hill or gave up caring about the details... 

Interesting.... 

So I have been playing with Oils......essential oils... literally name me anything you might be dealing with and I could tell you "there is a oil for that".... I might not know off hand but I could find out for you!.... My SIL has shared with me some EO (essential oils) when Shania was having Ear Infection issues...and they helped soothe the pain... then when she was having diaper rash really really bad...like I would have took pics it was so bad..but you know why I didn't..but Shania had broken skin all over her bottom..and EO with Coconut oil helped so much..I would put the oil mix down first then slather diaper rash or Vaseline over it and bam..It would make a difference in one diaper change... so naturally I wanted to learn more and get some... I didn't even realize we had been using a particular EO for quite some time.....concerning Skin infections we have this bottle that we lovingly referred to as the stinky stuff(Mike gave it to Jake)..whenever there was a rash or a few skin bumps that looked funny/red that may look like impetigo or could develop into impetigo or some other skin infection we would say: PUT THE STINKY STUFF ON IT!!!q.....well after researching EO ect I got the stinky stuff out and low and behold OH its Tea Tree Oil..... lol... well look at that??!! Another reason as to the effectiveness of Essential Oils and why I wanted more.. Finally I got a kit a couple weeks ago and wow.. its awesome... My SIL gave me her wax warmer and wax a month or so ago ...and now I can tell why... the diffuser I received with my oils is awesome!... I'm going to have to find someone to take the wax warmer b.c. the only thing I like to run is my diffuser and mix different combos... I'm finding more and more ways to use the oils and if you are interested at all let me know I have a 24% discount your welcome to use! .... 

Well- I'm watching the "evil abbey girls" today and I think I hear JoJo moving around in the crib!...I must be going...Gotta go rescue the sweet babe!... 

Talk to you Soon, 

Love, 

Me  

Knock Knock Knockin' on One Year's Door!

Knock Knock Knockin' on One Year's door... Shania will be one in 4 days...4. days.. where has it went??? I just can't believe it... I want to cry yet scream Yippee! I love this little lady. I already know how I will start out her 1 bday letter.... Dear Favorite Child...lol can a mother have a favorite... well really honestly it changes day in day out..she reigns more just because she takes regular naps :s ...oh and the cutest thing...she has fallen in love with her Daddy... She lights up and runs to him when he comes home...cutest thing ever...

Shania is the happiest baby I've ever had! She has been walking up a storm since 9 months old..which isn't fun for this momma... luckily though she loves to be held..so I haven't missed out to much...she plays..then looks to me comes for some snuggles and kisses then be back to playing... My Mom always asks how do I get anything done...well...I DON'T! lol

So Shania's party is coming up too.. Its March 1st. I originally wanted it to be a piggy theme but after a few days of seeing her stop what she was doing to watch sesame street and dancing around I gave up my dream of pink filled party to a primary color filled party.... it has actually been fun thinking and planning her party...I'm just trying to do my best ya know..I'm a stay at home mom..I should have time to do all that artsy fartsy fun craft stuff...lol... Well... I'm trying... and I'll have to post pics of party later... its just family and couple friends... but that quickly turns into a lot of people!!!!! Also-  I need to take Shania's One Year pictures. That is the tough thing about a cold weather baby!... I wish it was nice out..but maybe at Jessy's she has good light indoors I will try maybe Monday!...Wish me luck!

I don't know why but sometimes i feel disconnected from people... I've got a few close
friends but yet I feel disconnected.  Not from them but people in general.

This year has gone by fast... Going from a 2 full time working parents to 1 full time working parent household is a big difference. Not a bad different but its not easy....but its easy to decide to do and I'm glad we took that leap and decide X amount of money wasn't worth the time away.

Sondra has matured so much. It makes me sick...I look at Shania accomplish things and think to myself ....Oh I remember when Sondra did that... and then I look at Sondra and she is this 7 year old young lady.... I loved this valentines day when I asked her what her Sweetie (Daddy) was going to get her. Her reply: I want jewelry.. SO as I go to walmart to get the kids gifts..Jake texts make sure its nice... lol So I look and see rings...Jake loved the idea and I asked the counter lady for a ring box and then it was set I couldn't wait to see her face when her daddy gave it to her. I got my valentine Stuart a box of his favorite candy Reese cups..which then I was smothered in kisses and reminders of I was HIS valentine.. and Shania received a "ring" too..well its a teether shaped like a diamond ring... :) ...i love the idea of valentine's day being for our kids.. Jake is his daughter's valentine and Stuart is mine..

With this cold weather I'm so looking forward to family vacation this year! I'm just looking forward to fall too.. i love the not hot but not cold weather! well I must be going :) :) I  have a lot to figure out. I will be doing the majority of the birthday shopping this weekend..and also I need to get the gift bags completed and a few other little crafts...wish this Mommy luck!

 Love you and keep me on your prayer list..
Me