Wednesday, July 24, 2013
breath of fresh Air!
so I haven't been all stalking this Royal Baby crap but I was pleasantly surprised to see the Mom one day after delivery and she was all natural and didn't hide the post baby belly... ALL first time moms should see an actual post baby belly. Or really every person should know and be educated in that matter. I can not tell you how embarrassed I was when I was asked a day or 2 after having Sondra a male asked me if I had another one in there...... how my brittle confidence just broke even more that moment.... :)
I know this is silly but thank you Kate Middleton...:) I'm done!
Friday, July 19, 2013
BABY on BOARD- Seriously Sondra- ForReal!
So- lets start from the beginning...
A few months ago Jake tells me he would like to look into adoption to see if its a viable option for our next baby and if that doesn't work out- then he would like to start trying for our next baby....hmm... I happy to look into adoption because I knew it would take a good year or more... we started researching options... a adoption agency first because I want a baby- I don't want my little man/girl to remember another family...I want them to remember us..not that I wouldn't tell them where they came from but I never want to compete for the role of Mommy... I think it would hurt..... so after going down that road and sadly realizing that going through a agency wasn't a viable option this time around... Jake asked maybe we should adopt through the county....after talking with a family friend about adopting her son through a county- it gave me mixed emotions. Nothing that she did or said anything wrong..I just didn't like the likely outcome.... I then the following week called our Allen County Agency and got... less then stellar news...a great thing about adopting through them is the fact that its pretty much free....then your child gets health insurance till they turn 18...wow..this sounds good...but the woman tells me that its VERY VERY unlikely that we would be able to get a child under 3 years old... that 1 their main goal is to reunite the child with its biological parents(which I feel they give them TOO many chances- trust me I have lived it and I can say that) and after that doesn't work- then usually the foster parent adopts them...hence why I should become a foster parent...lol..I told her that I grew up in a foster family my family did it for years and that I wouldn't get in that mess if you paid me millions.... I know she badly wanted to ask me who my parents were but I never said... you see... foster care is supposed to help kids... but a lot of times they let kids slip through the cracks...and a lot of it is about Money....I feel that Allen County children services is crooked all the way up to the top...if you knew some of the things they done to my parents and said about my parents...there would be a revolt...and if they did those things to my parents...I can't imagine what they have done to others...you see- the "family" I have made with a lot of my foster sisters or brothers is priceless...I learned a lot from being apart of a foster family...but I'm not sure I could take that kind of abuse from that agency and the only reason I can say it is because my parents are not longer foster parents... sorry for the side story there/....BUT then at a graduation party we talked to another foster family that we have known for a while and still...We had the realization that maybe adoption wasn't going to be the option this time around....
so that was it...we were going to try the old fashioned way :)....now if you know the history....it took us a while for Stuart...I seriously thought something was wrong with me...my Doctor ended up putting me on medication to conceive.... so I had some anxiety...we decided we wouldn't tell anybody...so I didn't feel the pressure... while we were talking about "what we were gonna do"... to trying we walked into a opportunity to maybe welcoming 3 kids into our home...3 kids that we knew...3 kids I felt like I had let down...so...a 6 year old, 5 year old, 3? year old....aw man...I prayed for it to work out...I posted prayer requests on my boards asking for people to pray that God would make a way..for God's will...I didn't know this..but Jake called our Pastor and told him the whole situation of currently trying...and then these 3 kids...and he had him praying for one or the other but it had to happen so we knew...well...from May 31st from when it started....to about June 13th...it was evident that it probably wasn't going to work out... the mother fell of the face of the earth once again when it wasn't looking like it would work out so now every few weeks I try to message her to see how she is....so as you can imagine...while in my car to and from places I cried...I cried because I was so sure this time around I would be the "WWJD" thing and step up... I fantasized about the kids sharing bedrooms and school drop offs..and the fact that I wouldn't "need" to adopt kids if I could just change these kid's lives give them a stable Christ centered home...get them out of a cycle that I have watched for the past 12 years to their family....but even now being pregnant without even blinking...I would still take those kids...when I messaged her telling her I was pregnant I said I want to be clear if the kids needed a home ever- they would be welcomed to come live with us...
So while "recovering" from the "miscarriage" of my dream of a blended family I threw myself into "trying to have a baby" thing...not what you are thinking..but I down loaded this app that I put in my last monthly visitor and then it spit out my most fertile days... and then I read about increasing your chances to get pregnant and all that...and after reading all that..a lot of it deals with "timing"...was that all there was to Stuart...bad timing??/....I changed Gynos and they were concerned why my previous Doc would put me on a certain medication to conceive and after blood tests and such they said I really didn't need to be on it...that it probably caused me more discomfort... anyways... the week before my impeding period I just started having all these strange dreams... I mean weird vivid dreams... then I was waking up in the middle of the night...and inside I just thought...I can't be??? You know when you are just waiting on that disappoint of a negative test?...I know you are out there...Its just failure...I was expecting that feeling this time around..and was preparing for it..I was...I just knew it...I think that is why I was somewhat reluctant to try the "old fashioned way"... because I didn't want to cry each month and feel like a failure... but on the other hand I wouldn't deny my spouse his desire to have another baby...b.c. there will come a time where Jake will think he is "too old"..and this mamma will want a another baby to rock lol.... bahaha..so... I'm open to kids...and he even asked..after I said okay lets try...and he asks: "well do you think your ready"...and I said: I'll be ready by the time the baby gets here(little did I know it was going to be a lot sooner)..... but anyways... leading up to that weekend that I knew I could test I just was a bit "giddy" like maybe I am??.... and then I tested That Saturday..and there was a very faint line...I didn't believe I was pregnant..like...damn it..I should have bought the name brand test and not this cheap 88 cent test...my gosh this will tell me if I'm going to have a baby...why didn't I spend a few bucks lol...how cheap am I???... so I had a second cheap test and decided..I would try Sunday after Church..... well... I did..and I couldn't believe it... my gosh... TMI WARNING!!!!!.... my goodness we did the deed 4 times in that special week and the baby will be here in end of FEB/beginning March.... I guess I better get ready!...
I ended up giving Jake a pack of baseball binkys and he gave me this weird look and says "Your Pregnant???"..all surprised......
telling our kids on vacation was priceless... Stuart didn't care...he didn't really get it...but Sondra goes.."seriously? are you for real??? I want it to be a girl"...On our way home from myrtle beach I ask Stuart do you want a sister or brother?..his dead pan reply: "No thanks"....ohhh great...lol..
Sondra has made so many little comments..like she is saving her money for baby clothes...or how she will do everything for the baby...and seeing her step up her game around her little cousins I see I'm going to be very thankful for the spacing between my kids...I'm going to have a wonderful little helper....
I got for my first ultrasound Monday...I told them I needed one b.c. I needed to know that it was only ONE...it freaks me out...it freaked me out when I was expecting Stu before our first ultrasound...if I had twins with Sondra that would have been okay I wouldn't have known any better..but with Stu I thought oh no I can't have 2 Sondras...and then with this one... oh my gosh...I couldn't handle 2 Stuarts...trust me..he is a good candidate for "The Problem Child" movie...
now its deciding between names and the anticipation for the 20 week ultrasound....and looking for a stroller/car seat...play pen... and clothes...happy, happy, happy!
I do not even have enough time to explain to you how good God is. I am so excited for this baby to be born..I am.. and so I'll forewarn you I am sorry for my excitement and just ignore my posts... I know there are women out there who struggle with conceiving or carrying a baby and miscarriages...and I am sorry that this blog may bring sadness for you...but I can not hide my joy or my thankfulness...but know that struggling to get pregnant for 1 plus years isn't a big deal to some..but it was to me..so I know some of that pain and that is why I am so excited..please...don't write me off...
A few months ago Jake tells me he would like to look into adoption to see if its a viable option for our next baby and if that doesn't work out- then he would like to start trying for our next baby....hmm... I happy to look into adoption because I knew it would take a good year or more... we started researching options... a adoption agency first because I want a baby- I don't want my little man/girl to remember another family...I want them to remember us..not that I wouldn't tell them where they came from but I never want to compete for the role of Mommy... I think it would hurt..... so after going down that road and sadly realizing that going through a agency wasn't a viable option this time around... Jake asked maybe we should adopt through the county....after talking with a family friend about adopting her son through a county- it gave me mixed emotions. Nothing that she did or said anything wrong..I just didn't like the likely outcome.... I then the following week called our Allen County Agency and got... less then stellar news...a great thing about adopting through them is the fact that its pretty much free....then your child gets health insurance till they turn 18...wow..this sounds good...but the woman tells me that its VERY VERY unlikely that we would be able to get a child under 3 years old... that 1 their main goal is to reunite the child with its biological parents(which I feel they give them TOO many chances- trust me I have lived it and I can say that) and after that doesn't work- then usually the foster parent adopts them...hence why I should become a foster parent...lol..I told her that I grew up in a foster family my family did it for years and that I wouldn't get in that mess if you paid me millions.... I know she badly wanted to ask me who my parents were but I never said... you see... foster care is supposed to help kids... but a lot of times they let kids slip through the cracks...and a lot of it is about Money....I feel that Allen County children services is crooked all the way up to the top...if you knew some of the things they done to my parents and said about my parents...there would be a revolt...and if they did those things to my parents...I can't imagine what they have done to others...you see- the "family" I have made with a lot of my foster sisters or brothers is priceless...I learned a lot from being apart of a foster family...but I'm not sure I could take that kind of abuse from that agency and the only reason I can say it is because my parents are not longer foster parents... sorry for the side story there/....BUT then at a graduation party we talked to another foster family that we have known for a while and still...We had the realization that maybe adoption wasn't going to be the option this time around....
so that was it...we were going to try the old fashioned way :)....now if you know the history....it took us a while for Stuart...I seriously thought something was wrong with me...my Doctor ended up putting me on medication to conceive.... so I had some anxiety...we decided we wouldn't tell anybody...so I didn't feel the pressure... while we were talking about "what we were gonna do"... to trying we walked into a opportunity to maybe welcoming 3 kids into our home...3 kids that we knew...3 kids I felt like I had let down...so...a 6 year old, 5 year old, 3? year old....aw man...I prayed for it to work out...I posted prayer requests on my boards asking for people to pray that God would make a way..for God's will...I didn't know this..but Jake called our Pastor and told him the whole situation of currently trying...and then these 3 kids...and he had him praying for one or the other but it had to happen so we knew...well...from May 31st from when it started....to about June 13th...it was evident that it probably wasn't going to work out... the mother fell of the face of the earth once again when it wasn't looking like it would work out so now every few weeks I try to message her to see how she is....so as you can imagine...while in my car to and from places I cried...I cried because I was so sure this time around I would be the "WWJD" thing and step up... I fantasized about the kids sharing bedrooms and school drop offs..and the fact that I wouldn't "need" to adopt kids if I could just change these kid's lives give them a stable Christ centered home...get them out of a cycle that I have watched for the past 12 years to their family....but even now being pregnant without even blinking...I would still take those kids...when I messaged her telling her I was pregnant I said I want to be clear if the kids needed a home ever- they would be welcomed to come live with us...
So while "recovering" from the "miscarriage" of my dream of a blended family I threw myself into "trying to have a baby" thing...not what you are thinking..but I down loaded this app that I put in my last monthly visitor and then it spit out my most fertile days... and then I read about increasing your chances to get pregnant and all that...and after reading all that..a lot of it deals with "timing"...was that all there was to Stuart...bad timing??/....I changed Gynos and they were concerned why my previous Doc would put me on a certain medication to conceive and after blood tests and such they said I really didn't need to be on it...that it probably caused me more discomfort... anyways... the week before my impeding period I just started having all these strange dreams... I mean weird vivid dreams... then I was waking up in the middle of the night...and inside I just thought...I can't be??? You know when you are just waiting on that disappoint of a negative test?...I know you are out there...Its just failure...I was expecting that feeling this time around..and was preparing for it..I was...I just knew it...I think that is why I was somewhat reluctant to try the "old fashioned way"... because I didn't want to cry each month and feel like a failure... but on the other hand I wouldn't deny my spouse his desire to have another baby...b.c. there will come a time where Jake will think he is "too old"..and this mamma will want a another baby to rock lol.... bahaha..so... I'm open to kids...and he even asked..after I said okay lets try...and he asks: "well do you think your ready"...and I said: I'll be ready by the time the baby gets here(little did I know it was going to be a lot sooner)..... but anyways... leading up to that weekend that I knew I could test I just was a bit "giddy" like maybe I am??.... and then I tested That Saturday..and there was a very faint line...I didn't believe I was pregnant..like...damn it..I should have bought the name brand test and not this cheap 88 cent test...my gosh this will tell me if I'm going to have a baby...why didn't I spend a few bucks lol...how cheap am I???... so I had a second cheap test and decided..I would try Sunday after Church..... well... I did..and I couldn't believe it... my gosh... TMI WARNING!!!!!.... my goodness we did the deed 4 times in that special week and the baby will be here in end of FEB/beginning March.... I guess I better get ready!...
I ended up giving Jake a pack of baseball binkys and he gave me this weird look and says "Your Pregnant???"..all surprised......
telling our kids on vacation was priceless... Stuart didn't care...he didn't really get it...but Sondra goes.."seriously? are you for real??? I want it to be a girl"...On our way home from myrtle beach I ask Stuart do you want a sister or brother?..his dead pan reply: "No thanks"....ohhh great...lol..
Sondra has made so many little comments..like she is saving her money for baby clothes...or how she will do everything for the baby...and seeing her step up her game around her little cousins I see I'm going to be very thankful for the spacing between my kids...I'm going to have a wonderful little helper....
I got for my first ultrasound Monday...I told them I needed one b.c. I needed to know that it was only ONE...it freaks me out...it freaked me out when I was expecting Stu before our first ultrasound...if I had twins with Sondra that would have been okay I wouldn't have known any better..but with Stu I thought oh no I can't have 2 Sondras...and then with this one... oh my gosh...I couldn't handle 2 Stuarts...trust me..he is a good candidate for "The Problem Child" movie...
now its deciding between names and the anticipation for the 20 week ultrasound....and looking for a stroller/car seat...play pen... and clothes...happy, happy, happy!
I do not even have enough time to explain to you how good God is. I am so excited for this baby to be born..I am.. and so I'll forewarn you I am sorry for my excitement and just ignore my posts... I know there are women out there who struggle with conceiving or carrying a baby and miscarriages...and I am sorry that this blog may bring sadness for you...but I can not hide my joy or my thankfulness...but know that struggling to get pregnant for 1 plus years isn't a big deal to some..but it was to me..so I know some of that pain and that is why I am so excited..please...don't write me off...
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Oops I did it again :)
SO...I did it again... I was going to let me hair grow out..but I'm blaming this on my sister in law Rachel..she got her haircut off to donate..but she looks so "refreshed"..and it made me think about how nice it feels..so I checked with my Cousin Megpie to see her plans if she had time..and sure enough... yes!... I really like it...Stuart got his hair cut for his pictures today...and after I got mine Sondra says I want mine cut like yours Mommy...UMMM No!.. your hair is too pretty to cut!~..... I don't hold on to my hair... like how people are attached.....but Sondra's...its a pain..but its so pretty! :) ..., Jake only knew I was getting it cut he doesn't like it when I cut it... Meg's exact words were::...Jake's gonna be mad at me!..but I won't see him for a while so its okay!!...LOL... and Jake's response... Well It isn't nearly as bad as last time lol.... Meg..I think its shorter than last time!.. lol :)...also I'll be to blame for my sister's and maybe even my best friend's hair cut...I told them to blame Rachel!..... anyways...there you have it... wanted to share :)
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| Got Home Last night and played with my hair |
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| this is will be different |
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| This morning when I got into work... |
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| didn't brush it... lol my kind of style just ran my fingers through this morning ! |
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| I'll post another pic in a few weeks to let you know if I'll keep this up |
Friday, June 14, 2013
Weekend Plan.. CleaninOut... Tball..Father's Day
I'm happy about the weekend's arrival! :) I'm ready...Friday Tonight- is a cook out at your's truly's home...some of Jake's aunts/uncles and siblings are coming to hash out details of our big Clum Adventure :)... So- it wouldn't surprise any of you if you know me.. I don't keep the super put together home.. lol :) You know that sign you see on Pinterest... "excuse the Mess: we are making memories"... I need that sign in my home...
I believe this religiously :)..or it makes me feel a little bit better when people stop by and our home isn't what I want it to look like lol
So- But Anyways... Last night we cleaned the house up...Sondra is at that age where she doesn't totally understand ..So I'll start telling you... When she was younger before Stuart got here..when it came to cleaning like living room and stuff..she didn't have a job... like I would ask her to help me..but nothing on a regular basis..(maybe I failed there)....when it came to her room:
This is what it looked like a lot of times...lol
but when it came to her room...I would clean it when I got sick of stepping on her toys and stuff..she would be int here with me and picking stuff up but the brunt of the job I did...I mean I guess I could make her clean it up...but that would require more attention and effort to telling her step by step directions on what to do...SOOO... now these days..she has a few chores she HAS to do....in the mornings we run around like crazy and change the kid's clothes in the living room and throw them on the floor..so when we get home after work..she puts away the dirty clothes...and then after dinner she rinses off the dishes... So..last night..I told her a couple jobs more b.c. I want the house in visitor condition lol..and I had Stuart pick up the shoes around the house and put them away... then he lost focus and I eventually put in a super hero movie for him...and I called out Sondra to the kitchen and told her what I wanted done....her reply "MOM that's is not fair! Stuart is watching TV~"....now- at first ya that doesn't seem fair..but here is my thinking.... I for the first 4 years of her life picked up after her and so forth... so that means...she can for the next few years clean up after her brother....THEN when our next one comes along... Stuart can help clean up after him... make sense??...made enough sense for Sondra last night to without complaint finish cleaning his room! :)... Either way..we got the house picked up...except for our bedroom which doesn't matter.. b.c. nobody will go in their...any Clums reading??...your not allowed in our bedroom.. :) You'd be scared what you might find in there lol :)
Saturday...Sondra has her last TBALL game that I probably don't have to go b.c. I'm maybe going to take some pics of my cousin's baby..then in the evening its a wrestler's Grad Party... one of my favorite Wrestling Family...gonna miss them next year...they are sitting out a year till the next son is in high school... ugh!...
Sunday- fun day..father's day! :) ... alright.. my kids are pretty lucky to have such a good Dad...I have a few awesome choices in my life..and he is at the top of my list...Then...the week starts all over again!...
TBALL- I'm so glad for Tball to be over... It really wasn't So Bad...but I'm happy its over... It made me happy that Sondra was happy and I was going to support her either way...Now...Wednesday Tournament game...I really wanted her to lose..but I did cheer her on... lol...if they lost they would have been done..but of course they won and they played last night and now Saturday... Thank you to all the family that came out and supported Sondra at her games :) ....Very Much Appreciated!~
also- I need extra special prayer..for God's Will and his guidance... I'd really appreciate that!
Whelp!.. I must be going! :) Have a great weekend and see you next time :)
Friday, June 7, 2013
Vacay!...HerbLady..Reds..weekend Cowgirl
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| This is from Jordan & Brittany's Wedding walking in... :) Doesn't Jake look so lovely without his beard. HE thinks he likes his beard... |
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| My Potted Herbs |
Basil
Sage
Oregano
Parsley
Cilantro
Orange Mint
Lemon Balm-Melissa
Kentucky Colonel Spearmint
Garlic Chives
Eucalyptus
My Favorite.. Orange Mint smells so good!...Least Favorite...Eucalyptus...it just looks like it isn't doing to well..I don't know what else to do for it..I did however use my first fresh herbs... now mind you I know know very little about herbs...anytime I have questions I'm googling it..I have just been watering them...today I was reading when to harvest and how to....so anyways... On Wednesday I was reading about how easy Basil is to grow and was a bit disappointed b.c. mine was looking rather sorry and then I found a article about how they should be pruned..ohh okay..so I went home and pruned it..brought it inside to keep a careful eye on him...but I wasn't sure what to do with the leaves I took off..so I added it to supper... which was...Hamburger helper lol.... You might be a redneck.... you know what..it did make it taste better...I'm just a little embarrassed to tell people I did that... oh well..My next venture... I'm going to make some Pesto with my Basil produce..I see it all the time and wonder what it tastes like...
MY Weekend plans... hmm..lol..well.. unexpectedly We are going to a Red's game with my Great Aunt Catherine! Jake heard her say she wouldn't mind going to a reds game..so you know Jake..if there is a will there is a way...oh and also The Friday before our vacation we are going to a reds game and THEN driving to myrtle beach lol..... tonight is home doing laundry and more laundry...I hate trying to keep a tidy house..never seems to work! ....
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| Sondra was pretty excited about her new lasso & boots my Mom brought back from her trip. She had to dress up in FULL cowgirl gear the next day...yes lol..I know... |
Well- I gotta get going! :) I've got stuff to do!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
scatter brain....STu the big boy...mean mom ...
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| I have joined the Iphone world via Iphone 4 (free one) |
My days have been kept busy... why or why? this Tball shit...grr...am I the only parent in the world not to be excited about their kid getting into something...like...I'm happy for her..and excited for her..but this sucks...(bad mother thought)... well I know I'm not...last Saturday at her Tball game..ya SATURDAY @9AM...ya.. another mother on the other team comes up (one of my best friends from middle/high school)...and she went on to rant how she thought tball was stupid and blah blah blah...lol..I just kept smiling b.c. One..this is normal..or 2.. this is why we were such good friends in school... I wish we did more together... jeeze..I need slow down...or really..God can you just add 8 more hours into a day..or maybe..me be able to not have to work every stinking day?!?!?!?...
Mother's Day was good ....I got special things that they made a school........here is a picture of a questionnaire that Stuart answered about me:
as a mother I've realized I've lacked here lately... didn't realize it but I'm too hard on my oldest.... or more appropriately I'm mean to her.... I can tell you since Stuart turned 2 I have tended to lose it more..there are times that I just say kids get up to your room and stay up there till I call you down for supper lol.....or maybe its so noticeable because I've wanted to treat Stuart and baby him as much as I did Sondra..so it looks or feels like I am harder on her more... she is 5...6 next month... there are things and situations that I expect her to behave....I wonder what will happen when we add to our family next...will I be shipped off to the crazy place??.. :).. so please keep me in your prayers..for my sanity....
Here is some Awesome News.....STUART IS SEMI POTTY TRAINED.....and I was so excited to wake up to Stuart crying asking his Dad to pull up his pants at 4am in the morning last night ... he actually woke up and felt like he had to potty and he came down! :)... was it on purpose..I hope so :) ..he ended up sleeping in bed with me for the rest of the morning.. :).. the whole pooping thing he hasn't got down at all...at daycare he hasn't had any accidents this week..probably today sense I just shared none....but you know what did it??... instead of asking him if he wanted to wear big pants I told him You are putting your underwear on and instead of asking him if he wanted to potty.....I say its time to try..and if he says no..I don't give him that option.I then reward him with a stick and after 8 stickers he gets a price(which is cheap 99cent toys out of a bag)....now..I don't have to ask him to potty when he is outside..he loves to pee on random things..whether they are dead or alive... :)... hopefully this keeps up...I'm telling you..its the biggest parental hurdle for me... what does that say about me?? lol...
I wanted to say.. my IAMSECOND sunday school class has been going good...ya..I'm a bit disappointed..but there are a few kids that are actually being honest and giving good input... I guess I kind of forgot how uncool it is to be truly authentic when your Jr/High school...or maybe how truly hard it is to be authentic... I don't know whether this is a success or a fail...I've lead it pretty much...we have a promise if we reach 22 people in our class next Sunday we will bring juice and donuts the following class.... :)..its the little things...our class likes the donuts...
also- my diet... I've lost over 10 pounds :)...I wish it were more...but I'm not doing radical things to lose weight...bc I won't be able to continue it..so I'm doing little things..switching stuff up...I'm not sure how I will do this week..I kinda fell of the wagon Sunday by making homemade pizza and have had a hard time getting focused .... pray...yes pray again..
well... I will be going.... please pray for me... I have a few decisions to think about and make.. please pray for wisdom and guidance...
Friday, May 3, 2013
The Ball Was in my court!!!...Weekend Update Plans
Howdy!
Have you ever heard the voice of God????
We discussed God's Guidance last Wednesday in bible study...when someone asked have you ever heard God's Voice.....hmm...I thought... well.. I can say I feel like I have recognized where God has guided me to situations... Where God has put certain people in my life.... But have I ever truly heard God's voice speak to me?? Wow...which I have really really thought about that... for the past few weeks... our bible study moves at a slower pace..so we have been talking about this subject last two weeks....so last weekend on our way to this dog clinic - bible study had got me thinking... if you know us..you know it is in our future to adopt... I know it will happen..Not soon enough for me I don't think..but I know it will happen...but we had this friend that need a lot of our support...I considered this friend family... well the friend had a 3rd baby on the way... and she was barely surviving with the 2...so I would here from her every so often it seemed like the last year we kept in touch b.c. she would call when she needed something...well..I get this call out of the blue...and she tells me how she is so embarrassed she is pregnant again..she don't know how far but she tried getting "rid" of it but couldn't follow through and what not...and asked me if Jake & I would adopt the baby when it was born.... I don't know what I was thinking...but I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth... No. I told her there were many many programs out there that would help her find a family for the baby and help her get back on her feet. That we didn't know what our future held and she told me she couldn't trust anybody taking the baby...and I said one way or another... then you need to keep this baby..you already have 2...this 3rd one someday will come looking for you. how will this baby feel when he/she realizes you kept his/her brother and sister...
it was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever had in my life..I didn't tell anybody till a couple days passed by... In my mind this friend needed some tough love...you might not think that but if you knew the full details...it was time for tough love... I didn't hear from her till after the baby was born..and I was surprised to hear her say thank you to me..for my support?????..lol..okay.. I thought surly I did the right thing... I only seen her a couple times after that... the kids eventually landed in foster care..and she ended up giving that 3rd child up for adoption....
When we talked about God's guidance these past 2 weeks...the first thing came in my mind was...did God allow me to know this person so that I could help her and she help me?...Did I ignore his direction..looking back it was the perfect situation...we could have avoided a "agency" fee... and all that crap...but what held me back?? I didn't want her to be in the picture. The baby we adopt someday..that baby will be our flesh and blood..he/she will be a clum..I wouldn't want the "mother" to still be in the picture.... BUT NOW looking back I should have....when I try to reach out to this person every so often..I'm ignored....I worry...I pray for her and all of her children... I just have this strong feeling- I dropped the ball and should have told her...Let me think about this and I'll call you in a few days... that has been on my mind a lot lately. God has given me a strong desire to adopt... it will happen..all in due time....
This weekend????? Tonight shopping in Findlay .. Tomorrow Jude/Dane's pictures...Sunday... Sydney's 1st birthday!!!... how fun how fun.... and this is a slow weekend for us..lol...don't seem real slow huh?...
much love..
keep me in your prayers... our church has a group down in Haiti right now too..so keep them in your prayers too!!!
also WW...I've been losing at a very slow pace...something has got to give!...Jake Has done wonderful...I've heard he looks like a "skeleton"...grrr...my whole thing was I didn't want to be his "fat wife"....I want to be his hot wife..lol...oh well... please pray for my will power to keep on this..its a lifestyle change that I am trying to make!
Love you
JOie
Have you ever heard the voice of God????
We discussed God's Guidance last Wednesday in bible study...when someone asked have you ever heard God's Voice.....hmm...I thought... well.. I can say I feel like I have recognized where God has guided me to situations... Where God has put certain people in my life.... But have I ever truly heard God's voice speak to me?? Wow...which I have really really thought about that... for the past few weeks... our bible study moves at a slower pace..so we have been talking about this subject last two weeks....so last weekend on our way to this dog clinic - bible study had got me thinking... if you know us..you know it is in our future to adopt... I know it will happen..Not soon enough for me I don't think..but I know it will happen...but we had this friend that need a lot of our support...I considered this friend family... well the friend had a 3rd baby on the way... and she was barely surviving with the 2...so I would here from her every so often it seemed like the last year we kept in touch b.c. she would call when she needed something...well..I get this call out of the blue...and she tells me how she is so embarrassed she is pregnant again..she don't know how far but she tried getting "rid" of it but couldn't follow through and what not...and asked me if Jake & I would adopt the baby when it was born.... I don't know what I was thinking...but I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth... No. I told her there were many many programs out there that would help her find a family for the baby and help her get back on her feet. That we didn't know what our future held and she told me she couldn't trust anybody taking the baby...and I said one way or another... then you need to keep this baby..you already have 2...this 3rd one someday will come looking for you. how will this baby feel when he/she realizes you kept his/her brother and sister...
it was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever had in my life..I didn't tell anybody till a couple days passed by... In my mind this friend needed some tough love...you might not think that but if you knew the full details...it was time for tough love... I didn't hear from her till after the baby was born..and I was surprised to hear her say thank you to me..for my support?????..lol..okay.. I thought surly I did the right thing... I only seen her a couple times after that... the kids eventually landed in foster care..and she ended up giving that 3rd child up for adoption....
When we talked about God's guidance these past 2 weeks...the first thing came in my mind was...did God allow me to know this person so that I could help her and she help me?...Did I ignore his direction..looking back it was the perfect situation...we could have avoided a "agency" fee... and all that crap...but what held me back?? I didn't want her to be in the picture. The baby we adopt someday..that baby will be our flesh and blood..he/she will be a clum..I wouldn't want the "mother" to still be in the picture.... BUT NOW looking back I should have....when I try to reach out to this person every so often..I'm ignored....I worry...I pray for her and all of her children... I just have this strong feeling- I dropped the ball and should have told her...Let me think about this and I'll call you in a few days... that has been on my mind a lot lately. God has given me a strong desire to adopt... it will happen..all in due time....
This weekend????? Tonight shopping in Findlay .. Tomorrow Jude/Dane's pictures...Sunday... Sydney's 1st birthday!!!... how fun how fun.... and this is a slow weekend for us..lol...don't seem real slow huh?...
much love..
keep me in your prayers... our church has a group down in Haiti right now too..so keep them in your prayers too!!!
also WW...I've been losing at a very slow pace...something has got to give!...Jake Has done wonderful...I've heard he looks like a "skeleton"...grrr...my whole thing was I didn't want to be his "fat wife"....I want to be his hot wife..lol...oh well... please pray for my will power to keep on this..its a lifestyle change that I am trying to make!
Love you
JOie
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