PregnancyPains/Christmas Excitement/TeddyBearStu/DressUpSondra

A few weeks ago I started having some tail bone pain..like if I sit on a hard chair/bench/ or long periods of time its a bitch just to stand up..walking up stairs..major pain...it felt like I had fallen and bruised it. But I hadn't fallen at all and hurt it... when I had a check up the nurse asks all those questions and usually I don't say anything b.c. its usually so minor and not worth mentioning... well I did at my last appointment and my doctor tells me its the baby causing that. There isn't no "cures" but told me a few things to try and I'll have relief once the baby is here....WHAT?... that's in 2 months!... lol... Now this week I have started to have pelvic pain... like mostly on the left side at my panty line... I really think its from sitting with my right leg underneath me...but I stopped doing that and it still hurts a couple days after -all the time...I'm walking real slow right now... Please pray for my broken down body...I don't even bother with taking Tylenol seems like it doesn't even touch it so why take it........ pray February 24 comes soon...

I also did survive the 2 day shopping trip with my family: Mom, Deb, Barb, Jessy, Kayla, Melissa, Brittany, and Me went :) oh how could I forget our chauffeur Uncle Dave...it was a fun couple days that resulted into getting Christmas shopping done... a lot of food ate...and a lot of cackling of laughter... We even Met My friend Andrea for dinner the first night at Red Lobster :)..too bad Joel was stuck back at the hospital....
I am so excited for the kids to open up their presents...I'm even more excited for the trampoline Santa is bringing for our family....aka Mommy's trampoline... I've really wanted one and we by chance got one Black Friday... so exciting!!...I can't wait for it to warm up so we can set it up.. I thought Stuart would be super easy to buy for...but he was my "harder" one this year..I had all of Sondra's presents bought even before going on the trip...of course...I bought her more which in turn made me have to buy more for Stuart... Girls are so easy to buy for... Shania even got a few things... all horse related of course... that was my reasoning...but there are horses on it..I just have too... :)....I encouraged Jessy to buy away on clothes too..since you know... Shania is getting her girl's handy me downs... lol....

Stuart today...I'm not looking forward to picking him up today at daycare..I know he probably got in trouble today... It was PJ day and so the only pair of matching ones I had at the moment clean are Power Ranger ones... He asks Mommy what are those..I say they are like Ninjas...instantly his leg flings out and nails me right in the tummy... I said Stuart! No That hurts Mommy/Baby..you can't kick me... instantly he starts to sniffle and have crocodile tears...and he just started to crumble...I pull him in and he just cries... he just got really excited...I felt bad to see him so hurt..I know he didn't mean it...when he left like always he comes gives me a hug and kiss and then hugs my belly and kisses it..and this morning he said Sorry baby... :).. he has such a gentle heart....although.. he don't always show it..but today I'm sure he went wild since he had power ranger pj's on and he is playing ninja!

Here is a funny- Sondra has a hard time getting up in the morning... like..she is her father's daughter... Jake has to dress her...Stuart is better at getting dressed in the morning... I have just had it this week..the girl is 6 years old she should be dressing herself... well- My solution for this... yesterday when she got home I got her clothes for the next day and made her practice getting dressed... Amazing thing this morning...she got herself dressed...lol.... if it continues it will be great if it does not... She will keep practicing!


Welp! I must be going... :)

Best Friends/lotzKIDlove/Endw/FUNNIES

Its been too long- I'm sorry! or maybe you are welcome... not everybody wants to hear my crazed train of thought or my sappy thoughts all the time..or any of the time I'm sure...that is why I blog... its a choice..you want to know what is going on with me...go ahead and follow the link... :)

So first and foremost... pray for Jake & I's friends: Joel & Andrea Schwartz plus their kids Cara and Connor... Joel is currently in the hospital in Columbus... this past week it was touch and go and thankfully he is recovering and will prepare to fight a battle with cancer... a lot has happened that I couldn't possibility be smart enough to detail. Just know Joel is a great guy with such a kind heart- and his wife..well this past week or so she has held that family together like glue..she is a strong women...I'd take her into any struggle battle by my side :)...love that family... although its been a little tough b.c. Jake was friends with both of them before we dated..and me and Andrea have became best friends and through this all- I've been the one to stay home with the kids... I struggle with I really really need to be there..and the other end is..I really really need to be a constant in our kids life's when their Dad is away...and then there is this crazy about me that I just miss my kids...
I don't know how Andrea has held up or Joel not being able to be with their kids.... We went and visited them in the hospital in Columbus 2 days in a row and the first night they ended up staying the night with Jake's Sister and husband..."unexpectedly" but was glad they could b.c. we wouldn't be home till midnight..and then the second night I said Yea just have them stay..but as soon as Grandpa Clum left with the kids- I cried... lol...I know... Jake came home and probably thought what the hell is the matter now???....She is upset that she isn't at the hospital and "stuck" with the kids...and Now she is upset that she isn't with her kids....I'm crazy...I am certifiably crazy... I am... self aware...

next order of business..."My Girls".... ahh.. I love saying that... I am so excited and will gush right now for the love of Miss. Shania...and for the love of being able to say "My Girls".... all you mothers of boys and don't want girls-- go ahead reassure your self that...there is nothing like taking a little lady shopping... or doing the princess stuff...or the tomboy stuff... Sondra is a lot like me when I was young...I loved babies and dresses...but I'd be riding my horse in a dress covered in dirt...me and Kristin invading my brother Jordan's fort... the life of a tomboy.. how could I help it?. I just can't help it... I always wanted Sondra to be a girl..I wanted a girl first..after I got at least one..I was at peace!... but then Stuart came along..someone or rather a gender I really wasn't interested in having..he has melted my heart even though he isn't the "traditional" Momma's boy...just in the privacy at our home...now if we are anywhere else..its Daddy, Uncle& and Grandpa...not Mommy....

When Sondra came along I had this big "job" to raise a young lady or perfect lady or so I thought.. but Stuart gives me much different goals and ambitions for him- I want him to be strong but gentle- not just respectful to everyone but especially to women..I want him to take care of his wife and be a awesome Dad.. so many things..I want him to be the "perfect husband"..which I know he won't be but I hope he strives to be that for some special lady someday... and especially all my kids- I don't want them to be like their Momma and follow the crowd as a teenager or at times lead the crowd into some stupid things..but be different...I think its very possible to be different and not be socially awkward.......many things that I need to instill now so hopefully they decide later on their own to follow their upbringing..... big job big job.. its daunting...

I pinned this a while ago but came across it and this is what I want... 

My family took a little road trip last night and after the kids went to sleep I explained to Jake that after him being gone like he has been lately I have realized that you know what is is going to matter if My kid doesn't finish his plate or has dessert for dinner?... What is it going to matter if they are running wild and having so much fun and really its just hurting my ears?..more or less- I just needed Jake to listen to me talk- b.c. I don't have the authority like he does to my kids..I'm their Momma..they test me much more or really more often... maybe needed him to just listen and not so much "disagree" with me...he was wise and kept quiet :)

we have been lax parents..somethings are non-negotiable..but especially to me..I don't look for ways to tell my kids no...I'm not all about "sensitivity to their self esteem shit" & trophies for all..I meant kid's self esteem is a important part but not the only part...but I'm not a hard core parent that its my way or the highway..line in the sand...But there are times I struggle with am I too lax.. or when I'm trying to be firm about something- and I second guess myself and say- are we doing the right thing here... Will I look back in 15-20 years and think... why would I do that??.. just thoughts I guess

I wonder how Shania will be... I'm afraid a wild women like Sondra- but Shania is much more wild here lately..she kicks up a storm.. to the point i wake up at night and just feel her craziness..I can't imagine much more... one thing I liked hearing Jake say..the other day..he says hopefully Shania comes our with a head of dark hair!... I think I'm converting him to my dark ways..lol.. I was a bit disappointed when Sondra was born..Sondra had dark hair for about a day or 2 and then it was gone and then for the 1st year I had a blue eyed blonde hair baby..that I could not come to terms with..lol..thankfully her eyes darkened and her hair some too...but Sondra is Sondra...Dark eyed light hair little gal...  she is a beautiful little girl that has a lot more of me in her than I ever knew...

I'm thinking all these parenting thoughts and wants and desires for them amount to Shania's impeding arrival... and impeding isn't till February lol... but I worry or anticipate for our family dynamic to change..I stressed or over thought Stuart's arrival..I wanted Sondra to meet her brother first..and very much the same when Shania arrives..my SIL will be picking the kids up and bringing them up to the hospital...its just... small matters to other people but to me I think its important...but yes..all these thoughts here today..have inadvertently ran together in my mind these past few weeks since I have last wrote...

I felt loved Sondra at school picked me to be thankful for- but loved she gave me a perky rack and rockin' gray hair w/purple highlights...even she knows her Momma will age gracefully or is this how she sees me now..I'm 26 yrs old kid..I don't have gray hair!!!!!! lol..I should have asked 

funny Sondra story: our Sunday school is going to the nursing home to sing to Christmas songs...Sondra asks me in the car "Mom when am I going to the funeral home to Christmas carol?"...lol..no its nursing home Sondra...No mom its the funeral home... lol...no the funeral home is where they take people that have died...OHHHH okay Mom....

Stuart story:...on Sunday I was telling Mom about how Stu never seen teenage mutant ninja turtles but was obsessed with them... finally I downloaded a season on my kindle and he has been in love... but as Stu walks through and Mom goes so Stu are you a ninja turtle man?...which what came out sounding was: "Nope  I a titty man"..... which he was saying "Nope I a kitty Man"... which we both agreed we knew some other "Kitty/Titty men" too...lol.... funny business  and please don't ask him if he is a titty man...he doesn't know what that means..

I'll be writing again "soon"....not knowing the true meaning of soon... :)

Love,
Me

Mommy & Stu time

I am savoring my time with my "current" baby right now.... I will tell you I feel the time drawing nearer and my time with my baby boy is getting counted down..he has had me in tears because he doesn't so much 'like" me right now...and I mean..its been like this for a LONG time (he loves his Daddy a lot) really but maybe its started to hurt since I know our family dynamic will change once again like when he came...so the prospect of a night of just me and Stuart kinda had me excited... 

so with Shania I have been craving sweet treats and such..or in Jake's opinion I've been craving anything food :)..but I realized I had all the ingredients to make some cinnamon rolls that I hadn't made since I was pregnant with Sondra last...so that was our mission...we get home and at first I thought it wouldn't be a good night b.c. Stu had a meltdown over 2 tractors I put in toy jail for pooping his pants 2 times in one day the previous day..both with me..gggrrrr....but once I told him we had some cooking to do..he perked up quickly... we started of as soon as we got home and started the rolls dough..got the bread machine (yes mom I have my bread machine back at my house it goes back and forth depending on how often I"m using it)...and got that going. b.c it took 1.5 hours for that part.....then we set off making Granola bars which is supper easy peasy..I've been craving them b.c. one of my favorite drivers brought me in the honey he collected..and let me just say..it just tastes better....one problem though...I bought the wrong kind of granola...I usually get it from  an Amish shop that we buy our apples from..and never bought it from Walmart..but the bars DID NOT stick together....and I never have that problem.and I followed the recipe to the T..and the only difference is the granola....anyways..that's when we decided on a nutritious meal of Chicken Nuggets and French fries...like your surprised?? lol... so after the dough cycle was done in the bread machine Stuart was ready to bake!- which was not so climatic since we just put the bread on a floury surfaced to rest for 10 minutes (and that's a long time for a 3 year old)..he says Mommy why does cinnamon rolls need to have a nap???...they do Stu its TV time... then we got the cinnamon and brown sugar mixture and lots of butter for the middle..then we rolled out the dough..spread the good stuff..and rolled them back up and cut the rolls..and then let sit again to rise again....hmm...these are going to be good I kept telling myself.. :) then we started off on making the Icing... I get out my mixer..which Stu asks Mommy what is that?..I'm embarrassed I haven't been doing much baking lately..I say its my beloved mixer Stuart...Oh mommy that is a nice machine..I like your big machine..its nice...then when I turned it one...he even lost it even more...what a nice machine Mommy...Mixer Stu..Mixer Stu... as I got the icing done it was in the mixing bowl where we were standing..I put away the mess..I turn my back for 5 minutes and then realize Stuart has eaten a good 3/4 to a cup of cream cheese icing.... I said Stuart! those are for the rolls..."it good mommy"... lol... okay so he can't be left alone with cream cheese icing..but also..if all else fails and he refuses to eat... this icing will do the trick!... so after another batch of icing is made our rolls come out of the oven looking ever so good and we ice them up and more than enough icing... and now I can't wait till tonight to enjoy them! :)

We cuddled last night before his bedtime...and talked about his baby sister..and asked "why is your belly so big" and such....in the tub we have a baby and he plays with it and says it Shania..which is adorable...but ultimately... the funnest is this video below...Hopefully this doesn't mar the whole night of Mommy & Stu time.. Now we did this 10 times before this video and he was laughing up a storm and I wanted to video it to send and this is what happens:  

the funniest thing: after he calmed down he looks at me and says straight face: "Mommy I said a bridge I didn't want you to hit my P - P...soo..hopefully I don't get no calls from Children services asking about why I hurt my son...lol.. 

Shania the Terror(please act surprised)/Sweet Miss Fly/Crying/Church Haven/Weekend

Shania girl- you are reminding me more often you are with me...sometimes its comical...like last weekend... I had been on my feet all stinking day and I finally plop down on the bed on my side and I get a few kicks/hits right on my side... just one after another finally I say FINE I'm rolling to my left side Jeeze!!!!... see if I drink another cold coffee for you again!... lol... that appalls some women probably..but me and caffeine do not exist without each other... with Sondra I tried cutting it out and had terrible headaches and just cut way back but still had them...Stuart I tried the same thing but eventually had a cup of coffee in the morning and a pop in the afternoon or evening....With Shania... there are no rules... :)... She does however seem to be a little Sondra...she kicks up a storm...I can feel it..but I haven't caught it yet with my hand...partially b.c. I'm lazy and another sick way of looking at it..I don't want to share her with anyone..there I said it... plus.. being over weight and pregnant you second guess yourself in am I showing or am I not thing... and so I've even been shy about people touching the belly...Jake has...and of course the kids even before the baby belly was there...I remember a few weeks after we told the kids..Sondra goes..so is that the baby Mommy?...lol...well Sondra its in there...but that is just left over baby belly from you and your brother.then Recently Sondra says: those lines mommy? what is that?...those are stretch marks from you and Stuart honey...and these bright ones...those are from Shania most recently... lol...

So- last weekend Jake & I went on a Sheep tour in Holmes county... I know how romantic..but it was kinda...we were surrounded with couples in their late 50s and older..which 50s isn't old but compared to us..it is..but it was all weekend just us..It was nice...

Monday- started off horrible....Let me say it again..Horrible...over the weekend our dog Fly got out and was out all weekend...we came home she was home.... So Monday morning like normal I...I myself put her out and  about 20 minutes later we hear a truck go by and it sounded like at first that the truck ran over something..Jake goes out...sure enough Fly is gone...WHY... why does that happen when she was out all weekend and that morning that happens?... it was just frustrating because no body could catch her while we were gone b.c. she is terrified of strangers..When I say how sweet of a dog she is...most people that have been around her probably don't believe it..but she was such a sweetheart...I'm thankful she was gone instantly...and it wasn't a question of what we should do because I would have spent THOUSANDS to fix her...I'm just at loss of words..I couldn't even talk Monday...I cried through out the whole day...putting on a somber face ...Sondra cried that morning too..I'm sure all of us cried that day....we thought it would be okay to let Stu help Jake bury Fly so he understood that she was dead and gone not coming back...I feel immensely frustrated and guilty especially when all weekend I was telling Jake if anything happened to Fly I just couldn't handle it and I'd be mad...it wasn't his fault yet I made him feel that way Monday without even saying it.....I know its a animal.. I know.... but my heart is broken.. feels like when I lost my horse Mystery... which I've come to the conclusion...I have a curse... I'm crazy I know...

When I was pregnant with Stuart my Grandma Sondra passed away...and then a month before Stuart was born- I had to make the decision to put my Myst down....this horse was ornery I guess..because she had suffered a few life altering injuries that I would think would only happen once in her life time..but then something else happened....I was convinced that when Stuart was born I was going to get my happiness and I did... but truly with this pregnancy I have been waiting for something bad to happen..I was thinking last week when my work bag that contained my ipad and kindle and other smaller things was taken that was the bad thing...I really didn't imagine something else would happen..let alone my dog.. then on Wednesday I'm leaving for work I go to grab my rings on my stand by my chair I only see my "fancy right hand" ring...where is my wedding set????? I tear apart the living room..go to work...JUST ONE MORE STINKING THING I think to myself(and I didn't say stinking) ...and when I get home that night from bible study I continue to look around my chair flip it over...closely starting to lose it... and Jake walks in and sees me and probably seeing I"m close to bursting in tears..asks what is wrong..and I tell him and he says just calm down quit stressing...I just couldn't take it..I go in the kitchen to cry... (crying is a common occurrence with this pregnancy) and he says Quit it I found it... I still cried... and it wasn't for joy...I have a sign by the sink and it says:

Just a reminder that yes- its okay to cry! 

Wednesday rolls around and I'm still down about a few things and I see people putting status about their heart's breaking and its a friend I ask her if everything is alright...and she tells me a girl a few years behind me in school had died in a car wreck that morning... a girl that had been to hell and back and survived and had her life back together and had a 2 year old daughter that has been left behind without a mother and also that Tuesday a wrestling family's house had burnt down and living through that I know how hard that is........aaaaaannnnnddd I'm depressed about a dog... wow Joie.... instantly prayers were sent up for their families and friends that were hurting..but still- I have been left questioning God why he would not interfere and save that girl...or that house...or even why my Dog...

Something I'm thankful for is my Church's Wednesday night Bible Study which we talked extensively about God's Will and that whole situation with that young lady...and then Thursday night we have at our church a women's Bible/Book study..which we are in a book right now..but it was all about how God didn't come to the world for the righteous..he came for the sick people..the sinners..and how God isn't a "fair" God... we don't get what we all really deserve... he is a merciful God...and that bad things do happen to good people...and the other way around..and God is here to comfort us and support us...He isn't going to ward off all the bad things...and he will allow something bad things to happen...so I don't know if my recent unfortunate events are just tests or what but that is how I was feeling last night...then last night I pull in my drive- I see my brother sitting in his truck... I started having a panic attack..Jake didn't answer my last text...I immediately call Jake and it goes to voice mail..and I'll admit I started freaking out..had to stop my self from crying...so much Bad stuff was happening I was afraid he was there to tell me something...I'm not one of those people that you can tell me something bad over the phone and expect me to drive after...especially right now... so... I just immediately just prayed that my family was safe..and he just needed something... I'm crazy I know...as it turns out he just needed something..no bad news...after my family gets home..I sit down and think to myself..you gotta calm down lady... SO- that is what I am going to do... after scaring the living shit out of myself last night I'm going to calm down!..I'm going to be thankful for what I have and as Sharon puts it "I'm going to make the best of the situation with God's help" or something like that..I should have written it down after she said it at bible study last night...man I'm thankful for those ladies..

what does my weekend entail..today I don't know..no football game..hopefully just taking it easy..I got laundry I need to do......then with a sheepish grin..my parents will have my kids this weekend...b.c. we have a adult only wedding/reception for Jake's cousin in Columbus on Saturday...I almost feel bad for my kids..2 weekends in a row we ship them off to grand parents lol... Sunday is a wonderful day..that it will be a early morning for us..b.c. we gotta make sure to be at Sunday school/church for our class and then my niece will be dedicated and also-  that evening we have 5 kids from our Sunday school class being baptized. its going to be a great day...Pray for my nerves..pray for my family... I'll talk to you soon..

Joie

Lock-IT-Up/GaurdianDog/Past/Gage/Study

Hello All!...Some stuff has been going on... Let me fill you in! 

1. Tuesday after work I went straight home was in a hurry and left then came home that night around 9:30ish and the one time in months or ever I leave my work bag in my car unlocked. I am a country living girl that has never locked her vehicle SO I don't want to hear it. Anyways..the next morning I get in my car and my glove box is left open with all the stuff on my front seat.....Shhhiiiiittttt....BUT my bible is sitting there which I noted that should be in my work bag... I get to work..hmm..I know my work bag wasn't by my chair at home where I usually put it...and then wasn't at work... fears confirmed...somebody got in my car and took it... What did my work bag contain???... Our Family Ipad, My Kindle Touch, Vera Bradley bag and a Full size purple ARC notebook (pretty much filled with different photography poses that I liked)....I text Jake..and disable everything on my Ipad its in lost mode...today I filed a police report..My aunt calls with info someone around the corner from us found a lot of our mail. (which I know was in my bag)..SO I'll be picking that up today..... so calling the friendly "neighbor" and telling me to come pick my mail up whenever just shattered my hope I misplaced my bag....  Truly the electronics isn't a big deal..Yes I should lock my car (which I am starting to do) but it scares me and I don't care whether my car was unlocked..someone got into it and took my things...why are people that evil... I mean I'm going to go through some withdrawal...and my Son shed a few tears for a good 10 mins. yesterday after I told him...but It scares me and shakes my "security" I've never really felt unsafe but it just is a odd feeling someone thought to go through a perfect strangers car and trespass on our property...but here is a positive: they didn't steal my bible... granted they probably need that book and I shouldn't be so happy they didn't..but man.. My Bible is MINE... I love it..I mark in it highlight underline write thoughts down... our Assistant pastor at our church has his bible..and it looks worn and beat up from all the reading and studying that man has done.....I look at and think man- I hope mine looks like that someday... I want to wear my bible out..and after all that loss of material things..I'm just thankful and happy I still have the one thing that truly was the most valuable in my bag... so not having my Ipad..maybe my bible might get a little more wear and tear than normal :) 

I've been against getting a "maremma" guardian dog (it lives out with our sheep but it protects our property..well it will be "HIS") but since this happening...I've pretty much told Jake..I want one when we can get one.... when we went to go look at our dog Fly the seller had a few of those dogs..and when we were walking up to the house I seen it jump a 3-4 ft fence coming right at us wanting to know what we were doing and why this was a little midget with us(Stu).... I picked Stu up immediately b.c. the dog was staring giving him the eye down.. that particular dog hadn't been around kids enough to not be weary... but Anyways.. You get them when they are pups and bring them up with your animals..and they are great with kids if they are socialized with them..and are protective of their land and family from Strangers especially when the owners are not present...at times it may be inconvenient to have such a dog..but I guarantee you it will scare the shit out of a unsuspecting thief! Here is what one looks like full grown: 

Another night this week I was able to put this sign in practice

When I pinned this on pinterest I knew exactly what it meant to me and was glad to share my experience and my thoughts with some of the people I love most... although some of it was embarrassing and some nervous laughs between us all...it was bearable... 

Wednesday I had ANOTHER nephew born! His Name is Gage Reffitt! and he has DARK hair..how exciting..makes me excited to see what my Shania will look like...and gives me hope maybe I'll have a baby born with Dark hair!...I'm hopefully gonna see him tonight.... 

Last night was our first Women's Book/Bible Study... We are starting "The Christian Atheist"... so far its been good and the conversation last night between us was lovely..makes you feel not alone... I'm excited to see where it takes us in our faith...

Well- I gotta get going! :) ...I've got some work to do! 

Love you all and pray for my sanity and peace this weekend 

Shania Ross is on her way :)

I cannot tell you how happy I am that it is Tuesday! Today marks the end of a very busy week. It started with Wednesday & Thursday I had photo sessions, Friday was football night, Saturday was spent cleaning then got a break and did pictures in the even, and then Sunday was church day and then was spent cleaning some more and got away to do pictures in the evening again then ending with dinner with the whole family, and Monday was our little Baby #3 reveal!

Last week it was decided we were going to do cupcakes to tell our kids what we were having...We thought it would be polite to invite our parents and siblings if they wanted to come for dinner but not to fret that it was just for the kids and we would text everyone after...oh my lordy...can I tell you how loved we felt when 14 adults & 12 kids showed up!...wow!..it was a full house that spilled into our back porch and yard...

A little sister will be joining Sondra & Stuart in our family. A little girl?! I think I felt relief. Leading up to Monday I kept telling Jake it will break my heart if Sondra is in tears...well she was happy and Stu was mad but got over it...getting a special ninja turtle pillowpet dreamlite may have swayed his Baby Sister to be his favorite sister for the moment too..

Another daughter...wow.. a daughter...it hasn't really really sunk in...it has but it hasn't... a sweet little gal... my immediate thought..what is she going to look like??? Will she look like Sondra...or be a peanut like Stuart? Will she have hair or bald..man I am so excited...what outfit will I bring her home in? It has to be a perfect outfit...I'm thinking a bonnet of course..and some type of layette set since it will be colder out since it will be February... :) I'm on the search

Stu in his Trucker outfit

Sondra in her Dress & Cowgirl boots w/bonnet

and this girly's name: Shania Ross Clum - we actually officially decided on this last Friday.. All along we had been talking Schuyler for a girl but we were not in love with it...how do you explain that?...like we were talking about it..and Jake says well do you even like your name? Its a matter of you getting use to it.. lol...actually I really like my name and wished people would call me by my actual name!... its different..not the run of the mill kind of name.. Jonelle...how many Jonelle's do you know??? So- like when we named our first 2.. we just wanted something unique but not way out there...so then we started talking about other names and I threw out Shania...I love it.. I didn't think Jake would...he originally threw it out a few months ago... but he repeated it a couple times..lol..and was like...I could get use to that!... :)..I was officially excited to have either a boy or girl... I'll admit I was kind of hoping for a boy because we had a boy name picked out and I love it..but then we agreed on Shania...I was at complete peace! :) Her middle name is Ross...yes its a boys name...yes it is her father's middle name... yes I know..and no you don't need to give me other suggestions for other middle names...we pretty much had it in the beginning We would use Ross for either a boy or girl name... the only reason we not use it was if the girl's first name wasn't very girly.. hence why we were not completely in love with Schuyler..... and we just knew Shania Ross was it! :) :) 

It was so awesome to see an ultrasound... The lady kept saying the baby was moving so much..which I apologized for drinking a cup of coffee that morning.. :)...while waiting for our appt after the ultrasound we chatted with a dear friend and her daughter my friend was going for an ultrasound too :)...then after they were called back our old family doctor Dr. Tran came in and we chatted with him too!!!...a little reunion of sorts! :) ...makes me miss him!... 

BUT yes a girl!! The men in my house I think are just fearful b.c. they will be outnumbered...Jake's response was: He isn't sure if he can love another princess as much as Sondra...but my feelings is.. Daughters soften up their Daddy's...they love them tender.. maybe expecting Dad's are scared they won't teach their daughters how men are really supposed to love them...or what? I don't know..but Men always want Sons... they do.. that long need or WANT for someone to carry on their name...either way though... I know my babies' daddy will teach them how they are supposed to be loved and will Teach Mr. Stu how to love..

well- I need to get going!!!!! 

Joie

Women's Rights/19weeks!Gender/AuntTime/CheerUnderwhelm

Hello all :)

1. Wednesday Night Bible Study- I'm glad I got back to going once the kids club started again..the kids look forward to it..and I look forward to the "study"...when I mean study..we read verses and dissect it...we are in 1 timothy..and let me tell you what..its lively discussion...

it has made me really dive into my bible here lately...especially talking about women and their roles in the church... which ultimately made me question women in the bible..how they were treated how they were looked at....but ultimately how Jesus treated women.. as I started out last night trying to beginning looking in the right places about women in the bible..their roles at church..their roles in a marriage...then How Jesus viewed women..I was on to something but verses contradicted each other I thought... then looking this morning at a few articles... I have a better understanding of how I feel about it... If I'm ever a feminist its on these issues... as women it can be demoralizing to read the bible about their roles and what not...  Originally God created us equal but when Eve ate the forbidden fruit that is when things changed. Which I find irritating that it always comes back to EVE... either way...I don't think it would be a big deal to be submissive to a husband if 1. The husband loved his wife the way the bible says but also on the other hand I need to love my husband the way the Lord instructs wives to love their husband...hmm..i can see what this COULD turn into so I'll stop there... its just hard for me here lately studying Paul's writings in 1 Timothy because I feel like he is a "woman hater"... but ultimately I feel like he was talking to certain women in that time in certain congregations... my biggest hope or faith is the way Jesus broke from tradition with how he treated women. I'm still weary on if I believe or don't believe women should be pastors...or if wives should not work out of the home..or what is really a "submissive" wife or not one....or a lot of things..hmm I've stumped myself and will continue to read and study..and pray for wisdom for me :) ..oh and that I don't hate on Paul too much! 

I'm 19 weeks pregnant! and one day (today)... I can't believe it...I can't believe we will have our ultrasound next Monday at 8am!...I'm so excited! so we had been going back and forth how we wanted to tell our kids... if you have talked to them they are very adamant on what this baby is... either way we decided on a Cake.. thankful I have a awesome cousin that can bake anything agreed to make a cake for us. I'm excited to see the kids reactions!...Either way I will have a disappointed kid..I will...but I'm hopeful whichever one is disappointed takes it well :)...  Sondra did comment when we went to the zoo and her teacher's toddler son came along that maybe it would be okay if she had another brother since that little boy is so cute!...(Stuart was cute in the beginning too Sis didn't want to remind her of that) and also Stuart will have an episode where Stuart will say its a girl..but then quickly say No its a brother! lol...Jake says its a girl!!!...and really I'm most frustrated that I can't tell you my guess..its just IDK!... at times i think maybe this is a girl...but then I hear the heart rate and I think that's more like Stuart's numbers was... hmm....I can tell you I'll be thoroughly happy either way...and *hopefully* the baby cooperates and we can get serious about a name...we have a boys name..but not final on a girl..so we shall see...if you have any suggestions for a girl's name feel free to tell me!!!>..remember it has to start with a S and Middle name has to start with a R.... :) :) Thank you!   

this weekend was nice weekend... we stayed home Friday night since it was rainy out! Saturday we woke up and I made Breakfast bowels and burritos and me and Sondra went to Greenville with Grandpa &  Grandma Clum and Aunt Rachel & Kids to a bridal shower... love seeing our Greenville Clum family...then I did what I love most about being an Aunt...I got to watch my niece Kimberlynn- John & Katie's little lady. Which she was a doll of course....having a baby in the house made me kinda excited for ours to come..and holding her in my chair while she slept really made me want February to come even sooner..I can't help but boast but I have been blessed with some pretty cute Nieces and Nephews :)   ..but look at this little lady!  isn't she a doll!~  

Kimberlynn Jo :) 

Here is a funny...tonight Sondra has "cheerleader camp"... its Monday through Wednesday and then on Friday she cheers for a quarter at the game..lol... oh this should be fun!.... I've really got to remind myself this is just one week and doesn't mean she will always want to cheer..and I need to be "supportive"..but while talking on the phone at lunch with Jake he says: "this sounds bad but I hope she has the most awful time tonight!".... lol... Right there with you..I do not look forward to the days where my evenings are full of plans and we have to run around... its coming..but I'm still enjoying the laid back life with kiddies!

Well I gotta get going!!!!... Hope all is well and pray for me this week is going to be busy... Thursday is head-shots..Saturday is Sibling shoot and Sunday is Family, individual kids which includes a *six week old*photo shoot..how fun! 

PS. I have a special prayer request..I have a friend that is pregnant and needs prayer for a healthy and safe pregnancy. she is very early so not far a long and her first ultrasound is coming soon so please pray for good results... and pray for me and my ultrasound that is this Monday. that peanut is healthy and cooperates with us :) 

BABYLOVE/Bottles/Planning/Stu/FarmPumbaa

Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

"(13) For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. (14) I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (15) My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. (16) Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

After rereading different verses from the bible and how God feels about children, today I had a new thought. A lot here lately I've been talking about this little peanut I have and how much my life has centered around the babe. Well- my family too. It chokes me up when I go to pick the kids up from daycare and they both run up to me and hug my belly and say: My Baby. Or how last night both kids hugged around me and kissed my belly saying good night baby. Stuart even snored a few times and said night my baby. The sweet babe hasn't even cried its first cry but yet it is already a big part of their worlds. I almost feel like I have a little OCD because 9 our 10 thoughts in my head are about this little thing. I read extensively about its development each week or about breast feeding and such. I'm literally obsessed. I try to make a conscious effort not to talk in front of people about the peanut because I know it can be annoying I know- but man I'm just so excited. Getting to the point now- reading this verse I get the feeling God is a bit obsessed with us even the beginning when he is creating our inmost being.

Also- My first "real" baby purchase was yesterday: Bottles

I thought I would get a good start on this. with Sondra I had 10 million different kinds of bottles and it was ridicules. I always had a dirty bottle in the sink. Instead of reusing Sondra's bottles which you would think I would since I try to be frugal about things like that but I didn't. I seen how nasty some of those bottles got and thought I just will get different ones. Plus a lot of them were pink. Now with Stuart I got a certain kind after the drop ins didn't agree with him. Which they still are my favorite bottles. I learned though that you really don't need millions of bottles. Just enough for the day in each stage. So you are forced to clean them out right away and they don't get nasty. I don't think I'd like to smell some rancid breast milk bottles. It can't be good! I would have went with the same bottles as I had with Stuart but since I am going to be pumping I got the bottles that go with the breast pump so I could pump right into them and store them in the fridge.  

Sunday I was 17 weeks pregnant... wow.. it's like it felt like it took forever to get to 10-13 weeks and now it's like wow in a matter of a few weeks well will be going for our 20 week ultrasound and finding out what we are having...seems crazy... which after that it really flies... I am not looking forward to the first week after baby is born...The baby will be born the week of Wrestling districts. I'm pretty sure Jake leaves on Thursday night for districts..so I should be out Wednesday if I have the baby February 24 I should be out Wednesday or Thursday afternoon... then Jake would be able to go to districts... I'd just have to get Sondra on the bus in the mornings and my Mom told me she could take Stu to daycare and pick up. Hmm... 6 years ago I would have been ballistic to be planning around Jake's wrestling schedule- but now as long as things are taken care of- I think it will be fine and I'm going to *try* to be understanding.  Life has surely changed and I've matured or I have just given up.. lol

Stuart News!..he has went poo in the potty 2 of the 3 times he went.. last night was poo night but didn't go...I'm *hoping* he went today at daycare or he'll go for me tonight at home!... Potty training is incredibly hard...it's hard to stay happy and not be overboard on scolding when you should celebrate every positive and move on from the accidents... especially when you have everybody and their brother telling how it should be done or how he  (Stu) is just playing you...its silly...and really.. every method is different from each parent and unless you are cleaning the shit out of his pants don't tell me I'm doing it wrong...so here is to hoping...please when I pick Stuart up from Daycare they give me the big news he Pooped at Daycare today!?!!!! oh please lord (this is incredible sad that I'm hoping and praying for this surely another sign I am a parent)

as me and my friend were texting back and forth yesterday I was wanting a picture of her for my phone for her "contact pic"...and she tells me here is the only one I have all the others I am holding babies lol...like it's a bad thing...during our convo Jake & I was letting the feeder calves out to graze and I'm taking picture to send to her of the cute little cows...I realize looking through my phone I have pictures of the farm animals with or without my kids and that about it... lol... Oh the "farm life"...  

speaking of the farm life... our pig Pumbaa came back from the butcher and let me tell you...having a supply of bacon is powering lol.... funny?!..I'm serious... I'll be trying out our piggy tonight and after the kids eat I'll cue them in on that it was Pumbaa...lol... once they noticed puma was not at the farm Sondra franticly replies: "Did I eat PUMBAA????"...I told her not yet hunny! ... I reminded of all the pork foods that she liked and she said yes ..but as long as it's not pumbaa...lol...I should have video ready when I tell her she is asking for seconds..and said seconds are PUMBAA! LOL.. ...parenting win!

REST EASY IN OUR BELLIES PUMBAA

I gotta get going! :) have fun! maybe I'll check back in later in the week! 

fair/77/campout/Stu's baby/smilemoment/crazyhormones /weekend plans

We survived fair people! It wasn't easy... I was a lot of fun but by the end of the weekend it was time to get back to real life... it was so so nice being off for a whole week! It makes me look forward to after the baby is born...
For my Grandpa's 77th birthday I  decided to do "77 years of Memories" for him.. (I got the idea from my SIL who done it for my Father in law)...but it was quite a undertaking. It was all worth it. I don't think he truly understood what it really was till he got home that night. Some of us thought he would read all the letters that night at camp out..I was a bit disappointed..but walking into church Sunday morning he said he said up till midnight and read them all... which made me happy to hear... I'm glad he liked them..and hope someday to have a ## years of memories....
We had camp out again this year...it was much fun..seeing all the kids run around having fun with each other... we have decided to take on a Ronda/Sondra role and do some actual planning..have a few ladies meet a few times leading up to camp out for food and activity ideas and get it done dare I say maybe even a theme... oh my! that has Grandma Sondra written all over it.. ... we want to keep this going... it is so much fun..

My kids swimming at camp out (pic courtesy of Mary)

Sondra started back at school and Stuart has started preschool...I am so happy to have them back there... I love the schedule...I love being back into school... only bad part...the kids gotta get to bed early so they are not little monsters in the morning... Sondra has dressed herself all week..sometimes with some motivation from me...but still...its nice... Stuart's teacher yesterday when I picked him up told me "Stuart is one popular little boy here".... lol... she didn't elaborate and I didn't have time to ask questions...just made me laugh..of course he is...he is such a class clown...he'll do anything for a reaction...

another thing is..Stuart has been so cute with his baby!... he calls peanut #3 his baby...and its a brother lol... but he'll rub my tummy...and want to sit with baby... :) seeing how he is acting now eases my fear for him... I think Sondra was mature leading up to Stu's arrival... I wouldn't exactly regard Stuart as Mature for his age lol....

his photo sess with peanut 

Made me smile Moment:
We were in the car yesterday and I hear Grandma Sondra ....and Stuart goes who Grandma Sondra...and Sondra goes..."Grandma Sondra is Grandma Dee's Mommy and I knew her and Mom and Dad named me after Grandma Sondra".... I look back smile and say you are right Sondra...does it make you happy we did that?..and she says "yes I really liked Grandma Sondra I miss her".... pull at my heart string girl make me choke back tears...

which I have noticed a lot this time around..my hormones are in full swing... I choked back tears as my mom tells me about a young girl going up for special prayer at church because her family had to put her dog down who had cancer or during the week of fair Sondra had to go to the doctor b.c. she still wasn't feeling very well and they were running tests to see if she had mono or if she had any type of infection..and I cried the whole way home that night because I was convinced something bigger was going on b.c. (my anxiety filled mind) has been convinced since she was born nothing can be this great and she must have some serious illness or one of my kids do and I'm just waiting for it to reveal itself..I know craziness...but I cried that night and now looking back feel like a major idiot..and maybe hey..its the hormones getting to me... or how my last blog a friend messaged me encouraging me about breastfeeding and if it didn't work out not to beat myself up about it..and I cried I just appreciated someone taking time to send me a note of encouragement... lol..wow... All this crying...I really need to stop... :)

well weekend plans weekend plans???... Tonight : Friday Night Lights Please :)..the HS boys play Col. Grove... then maybe to my sisters after game for bonfire... Saturday: my Niece Ainsley's 2nd birthday party...of course our gift is horse related... it goes with a Christmas gift we got her... Fisher price..princesses and to top it off horses...Yes Please! She needs it! :)  then Sunday is Church day :)... only things I wanna do day!... :)..Going to make a trip to findlay hopefully to get a few supplies to make extra women's fellowship books that I am officially done making! then it starts all over again! ...

welp I must be going! :) See you soon people!

Fair Fair Fair Ready or not here we come!

Ready of Not Fair Time is here! Man oh man!...I'll be honest I'm not exactly ready. Like I'm ready for the week of vacation but the whole preparing part- I'm not too sure about!... I've got about all the food and snacks...and Sondra is all packed..Me & Stu are going home at night to feed the Calves.... and take care of the dog. I kinda don't mind it...I'd mind less if I didn't have to feed the calves  but Since Stu was born I've stayed home at night instead of up at fair...I've became a home body I guess... I like the fair..but I like going home...
Fair Fair Fair....I look forward to fair every year... I like people watching..I of course like the food... I like the 4h family and goofing around...although next year I need to get with the plan and be ready for Lead Line for Sheep next year... we decided to just show Pee Wee showmanship for sheep and hogs this year instead doing lead line...We have been pre occupied with other things and totally lost track of when we were supposed to sign up for! and then the getting a wool outfit together just wasn't going to work after I started looking and said- I'm not going to stress about this when Sondra has barely helped with Sheep this year...so there it is...

Fair Preparations! Breakfast Sandwiches and burritos 

We have had some bug in our house this week... one of the kids brought it home from Wagon Train... and it hit Sondra and Me and Stu... Sondra has had the worst of it..but hasn't been too bad on me b.c. she is to the age of I'll puke in my own bucket and not on myself like I use to which was nice...I'm not sure I can handle puke right now...I have vivid memories of catching Stuart's puke in my hand....I don't think I can do that right now at this time...I'd probably join the puke-e.... what else?

Thursday I told her I had to go to work so she hung out with me- she was a bum! 

Sleeping on the job! 

I finally feel like I am getting my energy back from this energy stealin' peanut!....I still have no idea what this baby could be...at time since I"m craving the sweet stuff like with Sondra maybe a girl...then I have this dream of U/S day and we find out its a boy and I baul b.c. I know how disappointed Sonnie will be... hmm... who knows... I can tell you honestly I have no leanings of wanting towards either way...I will be delightfully happy... Stuart has gotten on with this whole baby thing... I ask him where is your baby Stuart?? and he says cooking in your tummy... and its HIS baby..and its a brother lol


STUART STORY
So the second day of sickness in our house Jake stayed home with the kids... I thought I woke Jake up enough before I left...but then I got a call from Jake saying he woke up from a phone call from my Dad... he says Jake- do you know where Stuart is at???? Jake looks around and says well No?... Stuart had got up and put his rubber boots on and walked back to his grandparents house....  That my friends was one of the 1st times he has pulled that he has been caught in the act but he was successful ... he is a brave boy...I think its deadbolt time? DO you?

also... Breastfeeding!... hmm... So I've literally have been a wee bit crazy about this issue...my husband says that for a person to be "opposed" to it for 6 years and now feels like she financially needs to do it ...it doesn't make her hubby feel too good about himself b.c. he can't provide the formula...1. Sexism (we both work 40 hours a week its not up to you to provide the milk money) 2. I was never against it- I just didn't have the NEED to do it what so ever or desire 3. I wasn't educated on the whole pumping part I didn't realize you could exclusively pump...here is my plan... its not motivated just for Financial reasons... its just silly of me not to try it... then after learning my health insurance will pay for a brand new electric pump why not try? I have been reading this breastfeeding book and the more I read it the more I don't know if I really want to...then I got to the pumping part...the more I feel like this could work!... my plan is to breast feed the first few weeks if able...and to pump too so I get my "supply" and then eventually just pump...I didn't like the idea of only me feeding the baby..I want its siblings and Daddy be able to feed the peanut....so hopefully it all works out.

So fair fair fair... treat me well..don't be too tough. or hot and sweaty..I'd rather wear long sleeves then sweat.... please keep my kids semi good or the best that they are able to be ! lol.... I'm gonna miss riding rides this year with my Sondra...I want to plan a trip to kings island or cedar point next summer!...

Also Also! Our house in Lafayette is on the market! if you are interested in seeing it talk to our Realtor:
http://www.realliving.com/Bruce.Binkley/homes-for-sale/OH/Lafayette/45854/124-High-St-98124358

Whelp I must be going! Love you all!

here is another pic I found in my desk at work? I know? but this is me as a newborn..like just a few days old my Mom took me to our family reunion theme was of course Indians :)  

Bottle Feeding already/MegPieLove/Pumpin/weekendPlans

So its Friday..thank you Friday for being Friday..I needed you! ....

Last night was a adventure.... my hubby and brother and SIL ...nephew Colt..and Jake graciously took the kids went off to pick up 6 bottle calves for us to start feeding and raise for beef... I don't think I have ever felt richer than when we filled our freezer up last August with Beef...Pork...chicken...lamb....well..its less than half full and we have a piggy that will be butchered on 9/11..the irony I know...and we have a few lambs that will be getting butchered too..I've found out..Lamb isn't too bad when its cooked right...no ground though..NO!...and now feeding out a calves... its just so nice to have the meat out there and cuts your grocery bill down plus.. its not as expensive either..and its a slow expense...

BUT ANYWAYS... they set out to pick the calves up....I was at my parents childless odd I know...and so Jess got her keys to her house and I was excited to go see it.... I'm a horrible aunt to by the way.... as me and Syd are hanging on the couch she falls and gets a little goose egg on her forehead....then when we are outside in front of her new house she is walking around and falls down in the drive way and gets a sizable goose egg in the middle of her forehead... I then took her straight to her car seat and said you are staying here till its time to go..My Mom joking sang to her..."somebody is ready for bed, Somebody bumped her Head"...and I added..."Somebody's gonna have to wake you up every 2 hours b.c. of a concussion".... one good thing... Syd didn't hold it against me..she still loves me... I'm going to really miss her when she isn't back at my parents to steal... but I went home around 8ish 9ish? ....end up sitting down on couch fell asleep till Jake & kids got back at 11....lol... got a little nap to be ready to feed the babies and and instead of 6 he brought back 7 calves

But this time we got bottle calves..last night as we fed I thought...this sucks...waking up at 530 to feed snot nosed silly cows...I thought this sucks... I'll probably feel this way over the next few weeks... until we don't have to bottle feed..its kind of funny the zoo we have at our home..but hey... when we are enjoying home grown steak and hamburger roast and whatnot... it all pays off...

Another PLUS PLUS PLUS....I'm still in disbelief actually.. Sondra went over to my cousin Megan's(usually refer her as Megpie) house to play with her daughter for the day and she ended up sending me home with some maternity clothes and also she told me I could have her car-seat/stroller and pack and play when the baby is born..her Ryker should be done by the time baby comes... seriously... that is a huge relief...I can't believe it.. I've been stressing about that....and it was a answered prayer...she is a angel and so generous..I'll always be her girl..kinda like Taty butt was my side kick..I was hers..and how Sondra is Taty's...its a never ending process..I really wish MegPie lived closer..I make trips over there but still I wish she could babysit the baby in march... :(...

TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI
Here is another: after work today I'm going to go pick up a breast pump.... now breastfeeding is something I never gave a try because I really didn't have to..but this time around...I need to give my best effort and try to breastfeed for financial reasons... I'm not going to exclusively breastfeed..I'll probably mostly in the beginning but once I get my "supply"..I'd like to pump... I'll be honest... maybe its a immature thing..but I don't "fancy" a kid hanging off my tit... I just..doesn't sound like my kind of thing...but you know its free...its natural...and I'm going to try...everyone that i have talked to that has tried has said they wished they would have "tried" longer or stuck with it...so why not lets try people!.... so I found a pump at a reasonable price... and I'm going to give it a try..

So tonight we have some Nungester Cousins coming over to help feed the calves..so it shall be fun..I'm going to run home...clean up the kitchen bathroom and living room as much as possible!!! oh well the life of Joie..cleaning just isn't in my repertoire...but it will be this weekend on Saturday... on Monday we have a appraiser coming to the house..   so I gotta kick it in high gear...

breath of fresh Air!

so I haven't been all stalking this Royal Baby crap but I was pleasantly surprised to see the Mom one day after delivery and she was all natural and didn't hide the post baby belly... ALL first time moms should see an actual post baby belly. Or really every person should know and be educated in that matter. I can not tell you how embarrassed I was when I was asked a day or 2 after having Sondra a male asked me if I had another one in there...... how my brittle confidence just broke even more that moment.... :)

I know this is silly but thank you Kate Middleton...:) I'm done!

BABY on BOARD- Seriously Sondra- ForReal!

So- lets start from the beginning...

A few months ago Jake tells me he would like to look into adoption to see if its a viable option for our next baby and if that doesn't work out- then he would like to start trying for our next baby....hmm... I happy to look into adoption because I knew it would take a good year or more... we started researching options... a adoption agency first because I want a baby- I don't want my little man/girl to remember another family...I want them to remember us..not that I wouldn't tell them where they came from but I never want to compete for the role of Mommy... I think it would hurt..... so after going down that road and sadly realizing that going through a agency wasn't a viable option this time around... Jake asked maybe we should adopt through the county....after talking with a family friend about adopting her son through a county- it gave me mixed emotions. Nothing that she did or said anything wrong..I just didn't like the likely outcome.... I then the following week called our Allen County Agency and got... less then stellar news...a great thing about adopting through them is the fact that its pretty much free....then your child gets health insurance till they turn 18...wow..this sounds good...but the woman tells me that its VERY VERY unlikely that we would be able to get a child under 3 years old... that 1 their main goal is to reunite the child with its biological parents(which I feel they give them TOO many chances- trust me I have lived it and I can say that) and after that doesn't work- then usually the foster parent adopts them...hence why I should become a foster parent...lol..I told her that I grew up in a foster family my family did it for years and that I wouldn't get in that mess if you paid me millions.... I know she badly wanted to ask me who my parents were but I never said... you see... foster care is supposed to help kids... but a lot of times they let kids slip through the cracks...and a lot of it is about Money....I feel that Allen County children services is crooked all the way up to the top...if you knew some of the things they done to my parents and said about my parents...there would be a revolt...and if they did those things to my parents...I can't imagine what they have done to others...you see- the "family" I have made with a lot of my foster sisters or brothers is priceless...I learned a lot from being apart of a foster family...but I'm not sure I could take that kind of abuse from that agency and the only reason I can say it is because my parents are not longer foster parents... sorry for the side story there/....BUT then at a graduation party we talked to another foster family that we have known for a while and still...We had the realization that maybe adoption wasn't going to be the option this time around....

so that was it...we were going to try the old fashioned way :)....now if you know the history....it took us a while for Stuart...I seriously thought something was wrong with me...my Doctor ended up putting me on medication to conceive.... so I had some anxiety...we decided we wouldn't tell anybody...so I didn't feel the pressure... while we were talking about "what we were gonna do"... to trying we walked into a opportunity to maybe welcoming 3 kids into our home...3 kids that we knew...3 kids I felt like I had let down...so...a 6 year old, 5 year old, 3? year old....aw man...I prayed for it to work out...I posted prayer requests on my boards asking for people to pray that God would make a way..for God's will...I didn't know this..but Jake called our Pastor and told him the whole situation of currently trying...and then these 3 kids...and he had him praying for one or the other but it had to happen so we knew...well...from May 31st from when it started....to about June 13th...it was evident that it probably wasn't going to work out... the mother fell of the face of the earth once again when it wasn't looking like it would work out so now every few weeks I try to message her to see how she is....so as you can imagine...while in my car to and from places I cried...I cried because I was so sure this time around I would be the "WWJD" thing and step up... I fantasized about the kids sharing bedrooms and school drop offs..and the fact that I wouldn't "need" to adopt kids if I could just change these kid's lives give them a stable Christ centered home...get them out of a cycle that I have watched for the past 12 years  to their family....but even now being pregnant without even blinking...I would still take those kids...when I messaged her telling her I was pregnant I said I want to be clear if the kids needed a home ever- they would be welcomed to come live with us...

So while "recovering" from the "miscarriage" of my dream of a blended family I threw myself into "trying to have a baby" thing...not what you are thinking..but I down loaded this app that I put in my last monthly visitor and then it spit out my most fertile days... and then I read about increasing your chances to get pregnant and all that...and after reading all that..a lot of it deals with "timing"...was that all there was to Stuart...bad timing??/....I changed Gynos and they were concerned why my previous Doc would put me on a certain medication to conceive and after blood tests and such they said I really didn't need to be on it...that it probably caused me more discomfort... anyways... the week before my impeding period I just started having all these strange dreams... I mean weird vivid dreams... then I was waking up in the middle of the night...and inside I just thought...I can't be??? You know when you are just waiting on that disappoint of a negative test?...I know you are out there...Its just failure...I was expecting that feeling this time around..and was preparing for it..I was...I just knew  it...I think that is why I was somewhat reluctant to try the "old fashioned way"... because I didn't want to cry each month and feel like a failure... but on the other hand I wouldn't deny my spouse his desire to have another baby...b.c. there will come a time where Jake will think he is "too old"..and this mamma will want a another baby to rock lol.... bahaha..so... I'm open to kids...and he even asked..after I said okay lets try...and he asks: "well do you think your ready"...and I said: I'll be ready by the time the baby gets here(little did I know it was going to be a lot sooner)..... but anyways... leading up to that weekend that I knew I could test I just was a bit "giddy" like maybe I am??.... and then I tested That Saturday..and there was a very faint line...I didn't believe I was pregnant..like...damn it..I should have bought the name brand test and not this cheap 88 cent test...my gosh this will tell me if I'm going to have a baby...why didn't I spend a few bucks lol...how cheap am I???... so I had a second cheap test and decided..I would try Sunday after Church..... well... I did..and I couldn't believe it... my gosh... TMI WARNING!!!!!.... my goodness we did the deed 4 times in that special week and  the baby will be here in end of FEB/beginning March.... I guess I better get ready!...

I ended up giving Jake a pack of baseball binkys and he gave me this weird look and says "Your Pregnant???"..all surprised......

telling our kids on vacation was priceless... Stuart didn't care...he didn't really get it...but Sondra goes.."seriously? are you for real??? I want it to be a girl"...On our way home from myrtle beach I ask Stuart do you want a sister or brother?..his dead pan reply: "No thanks"....ohhh great...lol..
Sondra has made so many little comments..like she is saving her money for baby clothes...or how she will do everything for the baby...and seeing her step up her game around her little cousins I see I'm going to be very thankful for the spacing between my kids...I'm going to have a wonderful little helper....

I got for my first ultrasound Monday...I told them I needed one b.c. I needed to know that it was only ONE...it freaks me out...it freaked me out when I was expecting Stu before our first ultrasound...if I had twins with Sondra that would have been okay I wouldn't have known any better..but with Stu I thought oh no I can't have 2 Sondras...and then with this one... oh my gosh...I couldn't handle 2 Stuarts...trust me..he is a good candidate for "The Problem Child" movie...

now its deciding between names and the anticipation for the 20 week ultrasound....and looking for a stroller/car seat...play pen... and clothes...happy, happy, happy!


I do not even have enough time to explain to you how good God is. I am so excited for this baby to be born..I am.. and so I'll forewarn you I am sorry for my excitement and just ignore my posts... I know there are women out there who struggle with conceiving or carrying a baby and miscarriages...and I am sorry that this blog may bring sadness for you...but I can not hide my joy or my thankfulness...but know that struggling to get pregnant for 1 plus years isn't a big deal to some..but it was to me..so I know some of that pain and that is why I am so excited..please...don't write me off...

Oops I did it again :)

SO...I did it again... I was going to let me hair grow out..but I'm blaming this on my sister in law Rachel..she got her haircut off to donate..but she looks so "refreshed"..and it made me think about how nice it feels..so I checked with my Cousin Megpie to see her plans if she had time..and sure enough... yes!... I really like it...Stuart got his hair cut for his pictures today...and after I got mine Sondra says I want mine cut like yours Mommy...UMMM No!.. your hair is too pretty to cut!~..... I don't hold on to my hair... like how people are attached.....but Sondra's...its a pain..but its so pretty! :) ..., Jake only knew I was getting it  cut he doesn't like it when I cut it... Meg's exact words were::...Jake's gonna be mad at me!..but I won't see him for a while so its okay!!...LOL... and Jake's response... Well It isn't nearly as bad as last time lol.... Meg..I think its shorter than last time!.. lol :)...also I'll be to blame for my sister's and maybe even my best friend's hair cut...I told them to blame Rachel!..... anyways...there you have it... wanted to share :)

Got Home Last night and played with my hair 

this is will be different 

This morning when I got into work... 

didn't brush it... lol my kind of style just ran my fingers through this morning !

I'll post another pic in a few weeks to let you know if I'll keep this up

Weekend Plan.. CleaninOut... Tball..Father's Day

I'm happy about the weekend's arrival! :) I'm ready...Friday Tonight- is a cook out at your's truly's home...some of Jake's aunts/uncles and siblings are coming to hash out details of our big Clum Adventure :)... So- it wouldn't surprise any of you if you know me.. I don't keep the super put together home.. lol :) You know that sign you see on Pinterest... "excuse the Mess: we are making memories"... I need that sign in my home...

I believe this religiously :)..or it makes me feel a little bit better when people stop by and our home isn't what I want it to look like lol 

So- But Anyways... Last night we cleaned the house up...Sondra is at that age where she doesn't totally understand ..So I'll start telling you... When she was younger before Stuart got here..when it came to cleaning like living room and stuff..she didn't have a job... like I would ask her to help me..but nothing on a regular basis..(maybe I failed there)....when it came to her room: 

This is what it looked like a lot of times...lol 

but when it came to her room...I would clean it when I got sick of stepping on her toys and stuff..she would be int here with me and picking stuff up but the brunt of the job I did...I mean I guess I could make her clean it up...but that would require more attention and effort to telling her step by step directions on what to do...SOOO... now these days..she has a few chores she HAS to do....in the mornings we run around like crazy and change the kid's clothes in the living room and throw them on the floor..so when we get home after work..she puts away the dirty clothes...and then after dinner she rinses off the dishes... So..last night..I told her a couple jobs more b.c. I want the house in visitor condition lol..and I had Stuart pick up the shoes around the house and put them away... then he lost focus and I eventually put in a super hero movie for him...and I called out Sondra to the kitchen and told her what I wanted done....her reply "MOM that's is not fair! Stuart is watching TV~"....now- at first ya that doesn't seem fair..but here is my  thinking.... I for the first 4 years of her life picked up after her and so forth... so that means...she can for the next few years clean up after her brother....THEN when our next one comes along... Stuart can help clean up after him... make sense??...made enough sense for Sondra last night to without complaint finish cleaning his room! :)... Either way..we got the house picked up...except for our bedroom which doesn't matter.. b.c. nobody will go in their...any Clums reading??...your not allowed in our bedroom.. :) You'd be scared what you might find in there lol :) 

Saturday...Sondra has her last TBALL game that I probably don't have to go b.c. I'm maybe going to take some pics of my cousin's baby..then in the evening its a wrestler's Grad Party... one of my favorite Wrestling Family...gonna miss them next year...they are sitting out a year till the next son is in high school... ugh!... 

Sunday- fun day..father's day! :) ... alright.. my kids are pretty lucky to have such a good Dad...I have a few awesome choices in my life..and he is at the top of my list...Then...the week starts all over again!... 

TBALL- I'm so glad for Tball to be over... It really wasn't So Bad...but I'm happy its over... It made me happy that Sondra was happy and I was going to support her either way...Now...Wednesday Tournament game...I really wanted her to lose..but I did cheer her on... lol...if they lost they would have been done..but of course they won and they played last night and now Saturday... Thank you to all the family that came out and supported Sondra at her games :) ....Very Much Appreciated!~ 

also- I need extra special prayer..for God's Will and his guidance... I'd really appreciate that! 

Whelp!.. I must be going! :) Have a great weekend and see you next time :)