Mommy & Stu time

I am savoring my time with my "current" baby right now.... I will tell you I feel the time drawing nearer and my time with my baby boy is getting counted down..he has had me in tears because he doesn't so much 'like" me right now...and I mean..its been like this for a LONG time (he loves his Daddy a lot) really but maybe its started to hurt since I know our family dynamic will change once again like when he came...so the prospect of a night of just me and Stuart kinda had me excited... 

so with Shania I have been craving sweet treats and such..or in Jake's opinion I've been craving anything food :)..but I realized I had all the ingredients to make some cinnamon rolls that I hadn't made since I was pregnant with Sondra last...so that was our mission...we get home and at first I thought it wouldn't be a good night b.c. Stu had a meltdown over 2 tractors I put in toy jail for pooping his pants 2 times in one day the previous day..both with me..gggrrrr....but once I told him we had some cooking to do..he perked up quickly... we started of as soon as we got home and started the rolls dough..got the bread machine (yes mom I have my bread machine back at my house it goes back and forth depending on how often I"m using it)...and got that going. b.c it took 1.5 hours for that part.....then we set off making Granola bars which is supper easy peasy..I've been craving them b.c. one of my favorite drivers brought me in the honey he collected..and let me just say..it just tastes better....one problem though...I bought the wrong kind of granola...I usually get it from  an Amish shop that we buy our apples from..and never bought it from Walmart..but the bars DID NOT stick together....and I never have that problem.and I followed the recipe to the T..and the only difference is the granola....anyways..that's when we decided on a nutritious meal of Chicken Nuggets and French fries...like your surprised?? lol... so after the dough cycle was done in the bread machine Stuart was ready to bake!- which was not so climatic since we just put the bread on a floury surfaced to rest for 10 minutes (and that's a long time for a 3 year old)..he says Mommy why does cinnamon rolls need to have a nap???...they do Stu its TV time... then we got the cinnamon and brown sugar mixture and lots of butter for the middle..then we rolled out the dough..spread the good stuff..and rolled them back up and cut the rolls..and then let sit again to rise again....hmm...these are going to be good I kept telling myself.. :) then we started off on making the Icing... I get out my mixer..which Stu asks Mommy what is that?..I'm embarrassed I haven't been doing much baking lately..I say its my beloved mixer Stuart...Oh mommy that is a nice machine..I like your big machine..its nice...then when I turned it one...he even lost it even more...what a nice machine Mommy...Mixer Stu..Mixer Stu... as I got the icing done it was in the mixing bowl where we were standing..I put away the mess..I turn my back for 5 minutes and then realize Stuart has eaten a good 3/4 to a cup of cream cheese icing.... I said Stuart! those are for the rolls..."it good mommy"... lol... okay so he can't be left alone with cream cheese icing..but also..if all else fails and he refuses to eat... this icing will do the trick!... so after another batch of icing is made our rolls come out of the oven looking ever so good and we ice them up and more than enough icing... and now I can't wait till tonight to enjoy them! :)

We cuddled last night before his bedtime...and talked about his baby sister..and asked "why is your belly so big" and such....in the tub we have a baby and he plays with it and says it Shania..which is adorable...but ultimately... the funnest is this video below...Hopefully this doesn't mar the whole night of Mommy & Stu time.. Now we did this 10 times before this video and he was laughing up a storm and I wanted to video it to send and this is what happens:  

the funniest thing: after he calmed down he looks at me and says straight face: "Mommy I said a bridge I didn't want you to hit my P - P...soo..hopefully I don't get no calls from Children services asking about why I hurt my son...lol.. 

Shania the Terror(please act surprised)/Sweet Miss Fly/Crying/Church Haven/Weekend

Shania girl- you are reminding me more often you are with me...sometimes its comical...like last weekend... I had been on my feet all stinking day and I finally plop down on the bed on my side and I get a few kicks/hits right on my side... just one after another finally I say FINE I'm rolling to my left side Jeeze!!!!... see if I drink another cold coffee for you again!... lol... that appalls some women probably..but me and caffeine do not exist without each other... with Sondra I tried cutting it out and had terrible headaches and just cut way back but still had them...Stuart I tried the same thing but eventually had a cup of coffee in the morning and a pop in the afternoon or evening....With Shania... there are no rules... :)... She does however seem to be a little Sondra...she kicks up a storm...I can feel it..but I haven't caught it yet with my hand...partially b.c. I'm lazy and another sick way of looking at it..I don't want to share her with anyone..there I said it... plus.. being over weight and pregnant you second guess yourself in am I showing or am I not thing... and so I've even been shy about people touching the belly...Jake has...and of course the kids even before the baby belly was there...I remember a few weeks after we told the kids..Sondra goes..so is that the baby Mommy?...lol...well Sondra its in there...but that is just left over baby belly from you and your brother.then Recently Sondra says: those lines mommy? what is that?...those are stretch marks from you and Stuart honey...and these bright ones...those are from Shania most recently... lol...

So- last weekend Jake & I went on a Sheep tour in Holmes county... I know how romantic..but it was kinda...we were surrounded with couples in their late 50s and older..which 50s isn't old but compared to us..it is..but it was all weekend just us..It was nice...

Monday- started off horrible....Let me say it again..Horrible...over the weekend our dog Fly got out and was out all weekend...we came home she was home.... So Monday morning like normal I...I myself put her out and  about 20 minutes later we hear a truck go by and it sounded like at first that the truck ran over something..Jake goes out...sure enough Fly is gone...WHY... why does that happen when she was out all weekend and that morning that happens?... it was just frustrating because no body could catch her while we were gone b.c. she is terrified of strangers..When I say how sweet of a dog she is...most people that have been around her probably don't believe it..but she was such a sweetheart...I'm thankful she was gone instantly...and it wasn't a question of what we should do because I would have spent THOUSANDS to fix her...I'm just at loss of words..I couldn't even talk Monday...I cried through out the whole day...putting on a somber face ...Sondra cried that morning too..I'm sure all of us cried that day....we thought it would be okay to let Stu help Jake bury Fly so he understood that she was dead and gone not coming back...I feel immensely frustrated and guilty especially when all weekend I was telling Jake if anything happened to Fly I just couldn't handle it and I'd be mad...it wasn't his fault yet I made him feel that way Monday without even saying it.....I know its a animal.. I know.... but my heart is broken.. feels like when I lost my horse Mystery... which I've come to the conclusion...I have a curse... I'm crazy I know...

When I was pregnant with Stuart my Grandma Sondra passed away...and then a month before Stuart was born- I had to make the decision to put my Myst down....this horse was ornery I guess..because she had suffered a few life altering injuries that I would think would only happen once in her life time..but then something else happened....I was convinced that when Stuart was born I was going to get my happiness and I did... but truly with this pregnancy I have been waiting for something bad to happen..I was thinking last week when my work bag that contained my ipad and kindle and other smaller things was taken that was the bad thing...I really didn't imagine something else would happen..let alone my dog.. then on Wednesday I'm leaving for work I go to grab my rings on my stand by my chair I only see my "fancy right hand" ring...where is my wedding set????? I tear apart the living room..go to work...JUST ONE MORE STINKING THING I think to myself(and I didn't say stinking) ...and when I get home that night from bible study I continue to look around my chair flip it over...closely starting to lose it... and Jake walks in and sees me and probably seeing I"m close to bursting in tears..asks what is wrong..and I tell him and he says just calm down quit stressing...I just couldn't take it..I go in the kitchen to cry... (crying is a common occurrence with this pregnancy) and he says Quit it I found it... I still cried... and it wasn't for joy...I have a sign by the sink and it says:

Just a reminder that yes- its okay to cry! 

Wednesday rolls around and I'm still down about a few things and I see people putting status about their heart's breaking and its a friend I ask her if everything is alright...and she tells me a girl a few years behind me in school had died in a car wreck that morning... a girl that had been to hell and back and survived and had her life back together and had a 2 year old daughter that has been left behind without a mother and also that Tuesday a wrestling family's house had burnt down and living through that I know how hard that is........aaaaaannnnnddd I'm depressed about a dog... wow Joie.... instantly prayers were sent up for their families and friends that were hurting..but still- I have been left questioning God why he would not interfere and save that girl...or that house...or even why my Dog...

Something I'm thankful for is my Church's Wednesday night Bible Study which we talked extensively about God's Will and that whole situation with that young lady...and then Thursday night we have at our church a women's Bible/Book study..which we are in a book right now..but it was all about how God didn't come to the world for the righteous..he came for the sick people..the sinners..and how God isn't a "fair" God... we don't get what we all really deserve... he is a merciful God...and that bad things do happen to good people...and the other way around..and God is here to comfort us and support us...He isn't going to ward off all the bad things...and he will allow something bad things to happen...so I don't know if my recent unfortunate events are just tests or what but that is how I was feeling last night...then last night I pull in my drive- I see my brother sitting in his truck... I started having a panic attack..Jake didn't answer my last text...I immediately call Jake and it goes to voice mail..and I'll admit I started freaking out..had to stop my self from crying...so much Bad stuff was happening I was afraid he was there to tell me something...I'm not one of those people that you can tell me something bad over the phone and expect me to drive after...especially right now... so... I just immediately just prayed that my family was safe..and he just needed something... I'm crazy I know...as it turns out he just needed something..no bad news...after my family gets home..I sit down and think to myself..you gotta calm down lady... SO- that is what I am going to do... after scaring the living shit out of myself last night I'm going to calm down!..I'm going to be thankful for what I have and as Sharon puts it "I'm going to make the best of the situation with God's help" or something like that..I should have written it down after she said it at bible study last night...man I'm thankful for those ladies..

what does my weekend entail..today I don't know..no football game..hopefully just taking it easy..I got laundry I need to do......then with a sheepish grin..my parents will have my kids this weekend...b.c. we have a adult only wedding/reception for Jake's cousin in Columbus on Saturday...I almost feel bad for my kids..2 weekends in a row we ship them off to grand parents lol... Sunday is a wonderful day..that it will be a early morning for us..b.c. we gotta make sure to be at Sunday school/church for our class and then my niece will be dedicated and also-  that evening we have 5 kids from our Sunday school class being baptized. its going to be a great day...Pray for my nerves..pray for my family... I'll talk to you soon..

Joie