Wednesday, July 24, 2013
breath of fresh Air!
so I haven't been all stalking this Royal Baby crap but I was pleasantly surprised to see the Mom one day after delivery and she was all natural and didn't hide the post baby belly... ALL first time moms should see an actual post baby belly. Or really every person should know and be educated in that matter. I can not tell you how embarrassed I was when I was asked a day or 2 after having Sondra a male asked me if I had another one in there...... how my brittle confidence just broke even more that moment.... :)
I know this is silly but thank you Kate Middleton...:) I'm done!
Friday, July 19, 2013
BABY on BOARD- Seriously Sondra- ForReal!
So- lets start from the beginning...
A few months ago Jake tells me he would like to look into adoption to see if its a viable option for our next baby and if that doesn't work out- then he would like to start trying for our next baby....hmm... I happy to look into adoption because I knew it would take a good year or more... we started researching options... a adoption agency first because I want a baby- I don't want my little man/girl to remember another family...I want them to remember us..not that I wouldn't tell them where they came from but I never want to compete for the role of Mommy... I think it would hurt..... so after going down that road and sadly realizing that going through a agency wasn't a viable option this time around... Jake asked maybe we should adopt through the county....after talking with a family friend about adopting her son through a county- it gave me mixed emotions. Nothing that she did or said anything wrong..I just didn't like the likely outcome.... I then the following week called our Allen County Agency and got... less then stellar news...a great thing about adopting through them is the fact that its pretty much free....then your child gets health insurance till they turn 18...wow..this sounds good...but the woman tells me that its VERY VERY unlikely that we would be able to get a child under 3 years old... that 1 their main goal is to reunite the child with its biological parents(which I feel they give them TOO many chances- trust me I have lived it and I can say that) and after that doesn't work- then usually the foster parent adopts them...hence why I should become a foster parent...lol..I told her that I grew up in a foster family my family did it for years and that I wouldn't get in that mess if you paid me millions.... I know she badly wanted to ask me who my parents were but I never said... you see... foster care is supposed to help kids... but a lot of times they let kids slip through the cracks...and a lot of it is about Money....I feel that Allen County children services is crooked all the way up to the top...if you knew some of the things they done to my parents and said about my parents...there would be a revolt...and if they did those things to my parents...I can't imagine what they have done to others...you see- the "family" I have made with a lot of my foster sisters or brothers is priceless...I learned a lot from being apart of a foster family...but I'm not sure I could take that kind of abuse from that agency and the only reason I can say it is because my parents are not longer foster parents... sorry for the side story there/....BUT then at a graduation party we talked to another foster family that we have known for a while and still...We had the realization that maybe adoption wasn't going to be the option this time around....
so that was it...we were going to try the old fashioned way :)....now if you know the history....it took us a while for Stuart...I seriously thought something was wrong with me...my Doctor ended up putting me on medication to conceive.... so I had some anxiety...we decided we wouldn't tell anybody...so I didn't feel the pressure... while we were talking about "what we were gonna do"... to trying we walked into a opportunity to maybe welcoming 3 kids into our home...3 kids that we knew...3 kids I felt like I had let down...so...a 6 year old, 5 year old, 3? year old....aw man...I prayed for it to work out...I posted prayer requests on my boards asking for people to pray that God would make a way..for God's will...I didn't know this..but Jake called our Pastor and told him the whole situation of currently trying...and then these 3 kids...and he had him praying for one or the other but it had to happen so we knew...well...from May 31st from when it started....to about June 13th...it was evident that it probably wasn't going to work out... the mother fell of the face of the earth once again when it wasn't looking like it would work out so now every few weeks I try to message her to see how she is....so as you can imagine...while in my car to and from places I cried...I cried because I was so sure this time around I would be the "WWJD" thing and step up... I fantasized about the kids sharing bedrooms and school drop offs..and the fact that I wouldn't "need" to adopt kids if I could just change these kid's lives give them a stable Christ centered home...get them out of a cycle that I have watched for the past 12 years to their family....but even now being pregnant without even blinking...I would still take those kids...when I messaged her telling her I was pregnant I said I want to be clear if the kids needed a home ever- they would be welcomed to come live with us...
So while "recovering" from the "miscarriage" of my dream of a blended family I threw myself into "trying to have a baby" thing...not what you are thinking..but I down loaded this app that I put in my last monthly visitor and then it spit out my most fertile days... and then I read about increasing your chances to get pregnant and all that...and after reading all that..a lot of it deals with "timing"...was that all there was to Stuart...bad timing??/....I changed Gynos and they were concerned why my previous Doc would put me on a certain medication to conceive and after blood tests and such they said I really didn't need to be on it...that it probably caused me more discomfort... anyways... the week before my impeding period I just started having all these strange dreams... I mean weird vivid dreams... then I was waking up in the middle of the night...and inside I just thought...I can't be??? You know when you are just waiting on that disappoint of a negative test?...I know you are out there...Its just failure...I was expecting that feeling this time around..and was preparing for it..I was...I just knew it...I think that is why I was somewhat reluctant to try the "old fashioned way"... because I didn't want to cry each month and feel like a failure... but on the other hand I wouldn't deny my spouse his desire to have another baby...b.c. there will come a time where Jake will think he is "too old"..and this mamma will want a another baby to rock lol.... bahaha..so... I'm open to kids...and he even asked..after I said okay lets try...and he asks: "well do you think your ready"...and I said: I'll be ready by the time the baby gets here(little did I know it was going to be a lot sooner)..... but anyways... leading up to that weekend that I knew I could test I just was a bit "giddy" like maybe I am??.... and then I tested That Saturday..and there was a very faint line...I didn't believe I was pregnant..like...damn it..I should have bought the name brand test and not this cheap 88 cent test...my gosh this will tell me if I'm going to have a baby...why didn't I spend a few bucks lol...how cheap am I???... so I had a second cheap test and decided..I would try Sunday after Church..... well... I did..and I couldn't believe it... my gosh... TMI WARNING!!!!!.... my goodness we did the deed 4 times in that special week and the baby will be here in end of FEB/beginning March.... I guess I better get ready!...
I ended up giving Jake a pack of baseball binkys and he gave me this weird look and says "Your Pregnant???"..all surprised......
telling our kids on vacation was priceless... Stuart didn't care...he didn't really get it...but Sondra goes.."seriously? are you for real??? I want it to be a girl"...On our way home from myrtle beach I ask Stuart do you want a sister or brother?..his dead pan reply: "No thanks"....ohhh great...lol..
Sondra has made so many little comments..like she is saving her money for baby clothes...or how she will do everything for the baby...and seeing her step up her game around her little cousins I see I'm going to be very thankful for the spacing between my kids...I'm going to have a wonderful little helper....
I got for my first ultrasound Monday...I told them I needed one b.c. I needed to know that it was only ONE...it freaks me out...it freaked me out when I was expecting Stu before our first ultrasound...if I had twins with Sondra that would have been okay I wouldn't have known any better..but with Stu I thought oh no I can't have 2 Sondras...and then with this one... oh my gosh...I couldn't handle 2 Stuarts...trust me..he is a good candidate for "The Problem Child" movie...
now its deciding between names and the anticipation for the 20 week ultrasound....and looking for a stroller/car seat...play pen... and clothes...happy, happy, happy!
I do not even have enough time to explain to you how good God is. I am so excited for this baby to be born..I am.. and so I'll forewarn you I am sorry for my excitement and just ignore my posts... I know there are women out there who struggle with conceiving or carrying a baby and miscarriages...and I am sorry that this blog may bring sadness for you...but I can not hide my joy or my thankfulness...but know that struggling to get pregnant for 1 plus years isn't a big deal to some..but it was to me..so I know some of that pain and that is why I am so excited..please...don't write me off...
A few months ago Jake tells me he would like to look into adoption to see if its a viable option for our next baby and if that doesn't work out- then he would like to start trying for our next baby....hmm... I happy to look into adoption because I knew it would take a good year or more... we started researching options... a adoption agency first because I want a baby- I don't want my little man/girl to remember another family...I want them to remember us..not that I wouldn't tell them where they came from but I never want to compete for the role of Mommy... I think it would hurt..... so after going down that road and sadly realizing that going through a agency wasn't a viable option this time around... Jake asked maybe we should adopt through the county....after talking with a family friend about adopting her son through a county- it gave me mixed emotions. Nothing that she did or said anything wrong..I just didn't like the likely outcome.... I then the following week called our Allen County Agency and got... less then stellar news...a great thing about adopting through them is the fact that its pretty much free....then your child gets health insurance till they turn 18...wow..this sounds good...but the woman tells me that its VERY VERY unlikely that we would be able to get a child under 3 years old... that 1 their main goal is to reunite the child with its biological parents(which I feel they give them TOO many chances- trust me I have lived it and I can say that) and after that doesn't work- then usually the foster parent adopts them...hence why I should become a foster parent...lol..I told her that I grew up in a foster family my family did it for years and that I wouldn't get in that mess if you paid me millions.... I know she badly wanted to ask me who my parents were but I never said... you see... foster care is supposed to help kids... but a lot of times they let kids slip through the cracks...and a lot of it is about Money....I feel that Allen County children services is crooked all the way up to the top...if you knew some of the things they done to my parents and said about my parents...there would be a revolt...and if they did those things to my parents...I can't imagine what they have done to others...you see- the "family" I have made with a lot of my foster sisters or brothers is priceless...I learned a lot from being apart of a foster family...but I'm not sure I could take that kind of abuse from that agency and the only reason I can say it is because my parents are not longer foster parents... sorry for the side story there/....BUT then at a graduation party we talked to another foster family that we have known for a while and still...We had the realization that maybe adoption wasn't going to be the option this time around....
so that was it...we were going to try the old fashioned way :)....now if you know the history....it took us a while for Stuart...I seriously thought something was wrong with me...my Doctor ended up putting me on medication to conceive.... so I had some anxiety...we decided we wouldn't tell anybody...so I didn't feel the pressure... while we were talking about "what we were gonna do"... to trying we walked into a opportunity to maybe welcoming 3 kids into our home...3 kids that we knew...3 kids I felt like I had let down...so...a 6 year old, 5 year old, 3? year old....aw man...I prayed for it to work out...I posted prayer requests on my boards asking for people to pray that God would make a way..for God's will...I didn't know this..but Jake called our Pastor and told him the whole situation of currently trying...and then these 3 kids...and he had him praying for one or the other but it had to happen so we knew...well...from May 31st from when it started....to about June 13th...it was evident that it probably wasn't going to work out... the mother fell of the face of the earth once again when it wasn't looking like it would work out so now every few weeks I try to message her to see how she is....so as you can imagine...while in my car to and from places I cried...I cried because I was so sure this time around I would be the "WWJD" thing and step up... I fantasized about the kids sharing bedrooms and school drop offs..and the fact that I wouldn't "need" to adopt kids if I could just change these kid's lives give them a stable Christ centered home...get them out of a cycle that I have watched for the past 12 years to their family....but even now being pregnant without even blinking...I would still take those kids...when I messaged her telling her I was pregnant I said I want to be clear if the kids needed a home ever- they would be welcomed to come live with us...
So while "recovering" from the "miscarriage" of my dream of a blended family I threw myself into "trying to have a baby" thing...not what you are thinking..but I down loaded this app that I put in my last monthly visitor and then it spit out my most fertile days... and then I read about increasing your chances to get pregnant and all that...and after reading all that..a lot of it deals with "timing"...was that all there was to Stuart...bad timing??/....I changed Gynos and they were concerned why my previous Doc would put me on a certain medication to conceive and after blood tests and such they said I really didn't need to be on it...that it probably caused me more discomfort... anyways... the week before my impeding period I just started having all these strange dreams... I mean weird vivid dreams... then I was waking up in the middle of the night...and inside I just thought...I can't be??? You know when you are just waiting on that disappoint of a negative test?...I know you are out there...Its just failure...I was expecting that feeling this time around..and was preparing for it..I was...I just knew it...I think that is why I was somewhat reluctant to try the "old fashioned way"... because I didn't want to cry each month and feel like a failure... but on the other hand I wouldn't deny my spouse his desire to have another baby...b.c. there will come a time where Jake will think he is "too old"..and this mamma will want a another baby to rock lol.... bahaha..so... I'm open to kids...and he even asked..after I said okay lets try...and he asks: "well do you think your ready"...and I said: I'll be ready by the time the baby gets here(little did I know it was going to be a lot sooner)..... but anyways... leading up to that weekend that I knew I could test I just was a bit "giddy" like maybe I am??.... and then I tested That Saturday..and there was a very faint line...I didn't believe I was pregnant..like...damn it..I should have bought the name brand test and not this cheap 88 cent test...my gosh this will tell me if I'm going to have a baby...why didn't I spend a few bucks lol...how cheap am I???... so I had a second cheap test and decided..I would try Sunday after Church..... well... I did..and I couldn't believe it... my gosh... TMI WARNING!!!!!.... my goodness we did the deed 4 times in that special week and the baby will be here in end of FEB/beginning March.... I guess I better get ready!...
I ended up giving Jake a pack of baseball binkys and he gave me this weird look and says "Your Pregnant???"..all surprised......
telling our kids on vacation was priceless... Stuart didn't care...he didn't really get it...but Sondra goes.."seriously? are you for real??? I want it to be a girl"...On our way home from myrtle beach I ask Stuart do you want a sister or brother?..his dead pan reply: "No thanks"....ohhh great...lol..
Sondra has made so many little comments..like she is saving her money for baby clothes...or how she will do everything for the baby...and seeing her step up her game around her little cousins I see I'm going to be very thankful for the spacing between my kids...I'm going to have a wonderful little helper....
I got for my first ultrasound Monday...I told them I needed one b.c. I needed to know that it was only ONE...it freaks me out...it freaked me out when I was expecting Stu before our first ultrasound...if I had twins with Sondra that would have been okay I wouldn't have known any better..but with Stu I thought oh no I can't have 2 Sondras...and then with this one... oh my gosh...I couldn't handle 2 Stuarts...trust me..he is a good candidate for "The Problem Child" movie...
now its deciding between names and the anticipation for the 20 week ultrasound....and looking for a stroller/car seat...play pen... and clothes...happy, happy, happy!
I do not even have enough time to explain to you how good God is. I am so excited for this baby to be born..I am.. and so I'll forewarn you I am sorry for my excitement and just ignore my posts... I know there are women out there who struggle with conceiving or carrying a baby and miscarriages...and I am sorry that this blog may bring sadness for you...but I can not hide my joy or my thankfulness...but know that struggling to get pregnant for 1 plus years isn't a big deal to some..but it was to me..so I know some of that pain and that is why I am so excited..please...don't write me off...
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