So I’ve been a bit MIA this year. I can say I have
wrote more in my journal which is good for memories for my kids or grandkids
someday to read and think…oh my lord…she was literally crazy. J
My state right now?
Right now as everyone knows it is a few days before
Christmas and unlike normal I’m super excited! This year we have a “big” tree
with lights AND ornaments and it has even been up since since December 1st.
Yes, you can say I’m being very festive. I normally have a mini 3-4 ft tree and
that doesn’t even go up till the middle of December. I put off wrapping
presents because I HATE to wrap. Something changed this year. I’m not sure. I
don’t know if it’s because Jake & I’s family is getting bigger and bigger?
Or maybe I’m just “happier”? I’m really excited to see the kid’s faces
Christmas morning. Sondra has always loved her “American Girl” dolls and this
year she realized they were not actual American Girl brand but a cheaper
version. So- this year looking at Christmas money and their present budget I
was going to make it work for us to get her a actual American Girl doll. Shania
I’m super excited too for her to open her presents. She is getting for her
“want” a Bitty Baby from American Girl too. Then I well Santa got her a diaper
bag with some essentials and a couple preemie outfits to fit her baby and had 3
mini cloth diapers made for her too. Her sibling Gift well Stu was the one who
seen it at once upon a child a used fisher price cradle and he asked if he could
get her that for her gift. I know she will be getting a stroller too. I can’t
wait to see her react. Both the girls are getting special “want” presents.
Sondra is literally going to freak. We have talked a lot about this past year
how expensive they are and how we will eventually get her one but she just has
to wait…then when I started thinking on Christmas it just struck me that she
has made a lot of sacrifices too with this “new” life of living here and me
staying home. How she has really matured since Shania has come and has stepped
up and how hard I am on her (I hate to admit that don’t tell her Dad)…but I
thought we need to try and do this. So yeah…I obsessed and researched which one
to buy. I had one in mind the look a likes and when we were looking just to
look at them online she picked the one I thought looked like her most and would
be good. So yea I was elated. Shania getting a bitty baby mostly because I
needed to fill her budget and I got their dolls 20% off and free shipping. Here
is a makeup of how we do presents.
This is the 2nd
year of doing it last year they were a little annoyed but this year they didn’t
even bat an eye. They get 1 Santa present, something from their siblings,
Something to wear, Something to Read, and Something they need, and something
they want. Doing it this way has helped me to not just buy aimless crap. Or
cheap plastic crap that I’ll throw away before the next Christmas. My favorite
to buy is their something to read. I love books and with Stu I found a Jurassic
Dino Guide that tells about a whole bunch of dinos and has pictures which we
made one in a notebook but lacked a lot of pictures and he makes me just read
it to him so he will really like his book. Also- I got him the book “The Stinky
Cheese Man”. Shania got a Elmo book about sleeping in a big kid bed. And Sondra
got a certain book from a series she likes. She is getting pretty specific in
what she likes to read so I got to stick to it. Stuart was my hard one to buy
for. Shania I had to force myself not to buy a few extra gifts I kept reminding
myself that her birthday is in February it’s okay if she doesn’t get a Pony
Surprise for Christmas that can be her birthday present. But Stu every toy
commercial comes on he says I want that, I need that! He didn’t or couldn’t consistently tell me
one thing he really wanted. So I seen the 7” Kindle Fires for $35 and thought
perfect! He will love it since he plays games on Jake’s old iPhone that has a
cracked screen. It will be nice to have that as leverage over him. J
Then his Santa gift he got that big nerf module gun that he can change it or
whatever. He did tell me that a few times and I thought he will get in trouble
with it but yes boys and nerf guns it’s just a natural pair.
This Clum
baby #4 has me…anxious and undone. We find out next month what it shall be. We
are super excited! I’m also happy and relieved that I’m into my 2nd
trimester. I’ve always felt lucky to have normal pregnancies and miscarriage
has never had me worried but this time around it has. At my 12 week check up
the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat and I just got done asking her about if
something was wrong I would be bleeding or I would know something is wrong and
she said No. That she has had patients come in and have no idea or swore they felt
the baby move that day. Then she told me I shouldn’t sit and worry about it and
how miscarriage rates go way down in 2nd trimester. HEH..so yeah she
can’t find a heartbeat and she reassured me it was the Doppler that it had been
acting funny and my 3 c-section scar tissue didn’t help either. But told me I
could wait in the exam room or waiting room and they will get me in and do a
quick ultrasound. Let me tell you what- it was an eternity…but really a few minutes.
Jake had texted me to see what was taking so long at that moment I was
regretting I never asked him to every appointment heh…holding my tears in sitting
in the waiting room I let him know. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about
it now… but I sat and just thought how I’d tell the kids and EVERYONE else. I
told myself I wouldn’t be bitter if I did indeed had lost the baby. I hate that
“lost the baby”. Like its my fault? But I prayed to God. I prayed as I walked
back to the ultrasound room and prayed that even though I hadn’t met this baby
yet I prayed for him to let me keep it because I loved it…and didn’t actually
realize how much I loved it till this moment. As soon as the lady put the cold
jelly on my abdomen and the tv screen filled with our baby and I immediately
seen the heart beating I just smiled. She looked at me probably seeing my huge
smile and tears in my eyes she told me it looked perfect and everything was
fine. She looked at everything got me a few pictures and showed me the babe in
3d and it just amazed me. This babe hadn’t been “real” to me that it was just a
thought. I mean yeah I’ve had the pregnancy symptoms but just the thought of a
4th child it hadn’t I guess really hit me. And as she was looking at
the baby measuring ect I just said Oh my goodness that is a baby! It’s a baby
in there it just feels so real seeing this. And she just smiles and says well
Joie it is pretty real to me you see that is its arm and its other arm and
showed me all of the parts laughing. This is my 4th child I’ve seen
many ultrasounds so yeah- I’m not making this up. It became really real that
day so for that I’m thankful I was able to have an unexpected ultrasound. J Also- my 16 week check up Monday as
soon as she put the Doppler on my tummy we heard the heart beat 150. That
rascal!
So- this is the first year of the holidays without my last
remaining Grandparent here. We still went to Gramps house for thanksgiving and
will be for Christmas. It still seems so strange for Gramps to not be here.
With Stuart and Shania I thought about how I was sad that Grandma would never
meet them- but now this feeling is different. It makes me sad that Gramps won’t
meet this one or this baby won’t brighten his whole day. Because gramps stayed
home all the time and couldn’t leave the house much so when he seen one of his
grandkids it surely made his whole day and everyone would hear who stopped by
and what trouble or funny thing they did. Sondra has her “grandma cookies” and
now Sondra, Stuart, and Shania have “Grandpa’s candy”. Little things that will
keep their memory alive. It just seems weird though an unsinkable ship sunk
when he passed away. I never believed he would make it far past grandma but
then it came to be that he would probably never die in my thoughts- he always
got better. So yea- I think you should make memories keep your traditions and
hug your family every chance you get. You never know when you will lose any of
your family. You can’t guarantee who sits at your table this Christmas will be
at the next.
Shania and a new baby... I think baby 4 will shake Shania to her core lol... Well everyone knows it... Everyone that knows her says Oh my goodness what are you going to do?...I really don't know. There is nothing quiet or delicate about that girl...I'm amazed at how different my 3 kids are. I thought Sondra was a wild Lady...oh uh huh nothing compared to Nia. She is the child that NEEDS a younger sibling and I'm glad she will get one but man its scary... its scary because she likes me being hers... she is bossy....she is pushy...and she isn't afraid to fight for what she wants...so yes...we will have a big adjustment come June. (yes June...I thought I would get a may baby since I go a week early with a C/S but low and behold they move my due date back and it will be first week of June...3 flipping kids in June lol)....Anyways... my thoughts with getting her all decked out in Baby gear for Christmas is whatever I'm doing with Baby 4 she can do too... maybe she won't be so far up my butt fighting to get to my lap but also she will be sitting beside me taking care of her baby... Just start praying now :)
So... its a little Abbey Evils day (that is a endearing name for my wild women)... I can hear the girls in their room awake from their nap... I must be going :)... I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!....PS if you would like to come to a Christmas Eve service Harrod Christian Church has one :) anyone and everyone is always welcome!
