Hello all…Ifeel like I need to reintroduce myself everytime I blog these days because there is so much time in between. I have been good. Life is turning and staying busy for me at home. It has been a adjustment since being on “maternity leave” to this Stay at Home thing. I have learned when people ask how do you like being home I don’t say nothing besides Its going great I love it. As with working it presents it’s challenges but people don’t want to hear that. Emotionally I feel great I love this time I am having with the kids especially Stuart and Shania. You might think wow she left Sondra out of that- but with Sondra I have never felt like she has missed out on anything. She was my only baby for 3 years and even when Stuart came a long she still got my undivided attention. So for Sondra I feel like she is learning to not be the “star”. For Stuart when school was still in we pretty much did whatever he wanted. He would say Mommy when Shania goes to sleep can we go jump? Of course we can ect ect. Now that school is out it has changed things. I almost always make sure the 2 older kids are up by 9am. I prefer them up sooner just so we can get our day started. As much as having Sondra at home changing the rhythm I have adored it. Whenever I pump or need a few minutes she is willing to watch her.
Tonight or “last night” we went to a surprise bday party for our brother in law Chris… which I took pictures of the Stark kids Friday and planned on editing pictures tonight..but after Chris’ party we went to a wedding reception which means we didn’t get home till after 11ish..I pumped at Midnight and didn’t start editing till 12:30 I wanted to get them done because I told them they would be ready sunday…which now it is 2am and I’m now finishing a blog I have had the first paragraph saved for weeks now. Lol… at the rate I am going I can pump at 3am…which gets me to what I want to talk about…
BREASTFEEDING. Fair warning..TMI maybe or maybe not… fellow breastfeeding mothers easily talk about nipples… cracks..sores…leakage..Pulling tugging whether be a baby or pump…. without batting a eye…its part of life. I’m not “technically” breast feeding anymore…well in my eyes I am but not directly… I made the mistake and started giving Shania a bottle more and more..and she loved it..but was still latching and nursing..but then that got to be too far in between and now she is full bottle. As much as I read on my “exclusively pumping” group they say try seeing if she will latch everyday…but to no avail when I try she laughs at it..and won’t… DAMN DAMN DAMN…I’m sorry for my potty language but that is my frustration. (next baby I’ll be the nursing nazi)… I’m conflicted on this whole issue. If you’re a regular you knew I “planned” to pump only in the beginning… but after trying nursing it was so easy..why not?..but then I got to the place where its like..its just so much easier to give her a bottle when we are out and about..no worrying about sitting in a dirty bathroom to nurse b.c. I was one of those amateur breastfeeders who has a hard time with a cover and our sexualized society just probably couldn’t handle seeing a boobie be used for its real intended purpose not that I would whip mine out to feed her b.c. I'd be self conscious....(OMG am I turning into one of those feminist crazy women)… There has never been a time that I wished I lived in 3rd world or in a foreign place but when it regards baring a breast to feed my child it would be then… back to point… I rationalized in my mind or am now why I just so carelessly gave up nursing..and everyday while I sit for 15-20mins at a time listening to my pump make that almost lull of a lullaby of a noise that I curse myself..I WAS pumping every 3 sometimes 4 hours living and dying by how many ounces I got..My sanity just couldn’t take it...now I’m down to doing 4/5 pumps a day… I’m still pumping enough and putting away in freezer but every day no joke is tough… I’m not lying… My SIL told me it would be a lot more work to pump only and let me tell you what…Lesson learned..again did I say my next one I’m going to be a nursing Nazi??..yes I am…and my next blog I may have stopped pumping all together... who knows
Why Don’t I just stop?- Here is the funny… I’ve read, educated myself and see the benefits in myself and Shania that it keeps me going..everyday I may contemplate whether to stop I just don’t. Its like I need someone..I don’t know who …but to say hey you did a good job Cow..I mean Mom!.. I think of the frustration Shania had when she was a few weeks old and we tried giving her a formula bottle and she wouldn’t drink it or when we halved it with Breastmilk and still she would barely drink it… I just don’t know if its worth her frustration..she is thriving and I’m having no issues on supply…I try to do bad at it and still I supply more than enough…DAMN DAMN DAMN…again I’m sorry.. I just don’t look forward to fair time..that will be annoying…If I can make it through fair without going crazy..then I can surely make it to a year…and at the rate I am going with the liquid gold stash In the freezer I’ll be able to quit a few months before her 1st birthday..I’m seriously considering having a goodbye pumping party? Are those real??? Who is with me???
So as you can see that is ruling my life right now..lol… sorry for so much info… Besides that frustration life is going… I’ve found that I am thankful for my “community” (family and friends)… I hate that when I’m going through something I distance myself from everybody… I clam up and keep myself closed off… but being at home I’m already “closed” off so then I feel “frigid”… But I am working on it…. It could be something so small or just being stressed… but again I’m working on it…. I need a “Mommy group”..that just sounds fun lol…
On to bragging…
Shania- She is rolling! And last 2 days have found her feet. Its so cute. She is coming a long on her hand eye coordination..and hopefully so she will hold her bottle by herself better….She continues to smile and laugh out loud so much…seriously..this kid is so happy…I question if she is ours…which Jake says, “she is just like her Momma…She usually almost always is happy and jolly but when she is upset EVERYBODY will know it”… Jeeze babe I love you…
Stuart- He isn’t about me…I’ve realized its because I always have Shania in my arms but I’m trying to make a effort to carve out time for me and him…but I also have a belief that kids go through those stages..its not Shania’s fault or his…but Shania needs me now..and it will get better soon..I’m aware I think is the big thing… I have planned to take him and me to the movies to see the new ninja turtle movie… a nice date ..
Sondra- she has grown.. She has learned how to get her pony out of the pasture by herself and will soon be able to saddle herself too..which will be nice..but also bad b.c. right now she is always wanting to go back to the ranch to ride… She is past the little baby sister thing…she’ll help but sometimes she really gets annoyed so I’m thankful for my friend Heidi who has a son and she takes her on “outings”..its Sondra’s day away ..I’m just going to have to keep a eye on her friend lance....she has had a marriage proposal from Lance which went like this: “You’re a Hot girl.. I’m going to marry you” LOL....which his “hot girl” = athletic outdoorsy girl = Sondra
Alright…its 3am…I gotta go rest…I got Sunday school today at 9:30.. HOPEFULLY I GET UP! Love you guys keep me in your prayers…
