Hello All!...I just "officially" changed my employment on facebook...jeeze... its still odd... I wouldn't without a second give back the time I have had with my kids...It hasn't been rainbows and sunshine either..but the time... the time... Its been nice... awkwardly though it was time for Sondra to go back to school...she really changes the dynamic of day to day...Its nice to see her go but we are happy when she gets home especially Stuart..he loves playing with his sister...
Summer was fun too... Sondra and Jake took a couple trips showing sheep...made a lot of great memories with her Daddy... We made it through fair too... camping with a baby plus pumping....jeeze we made it!
I thought to myself if I can make it through fair then I can make it to a year with pumping...it still changes...gave me a big confidence boost making it..but still I look at my freezer stash and say- I'm just going to stop pumping and feed her my freezer stash which should make it so long then give her formula...that was my thought today...last weekend I was telling myself I'll continue it as long as there is no issue with supply...it just changes daily.. I don't know what I need to convince myself one way or the other...
campout was last weekend..which was a lot of fun...we actually had a "planning meeting" for next year wrote it all down and everything..just short of a theme... Gram would be so proud... I wish all my immediate family was more involved..I'm afraid campout will die with my Mom's generation....that would be sad...but wouldn't surprise me..not exactly sure what to do about it.....whats wrong with our generation in general....we suck heh
I want to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Its always nice getting on FB and seeing everyone with you a happy birthday...I want to say it was a wonderful day ect ect..but it would be a lie... I woke up depressed... I just was to my limit..I missed Jake & Sondra..and felt so unimportant.....heh..I know that sounds silly and how dare you...but I have found staying home these days...I need affirmation on things... at work I had a boss telling me great job or thank you ect. That don't happen at home...no one is there saying Good Job Mom for making dinner..Good job Mom for keeping status quo on your messy house...I don't have Shania patting me on the back when she wakes up in the middle of the night when all I want to do is just sleep and all she wants is her damn bottle and why am I not getting it to her faster...I could go on and on..lol... but I was bored and just wanted to see Jake & Sondra... although I went to bed that night still pissy...I can confirm I woke with a better attitude...at least that is what I'm telling myself..... which leads me to something else...
I'm really trying to be more positive... I can be a real negative Nancy...and throw my kindness out the window on occasion... to my husband, kids, family...I am really going to try to be kind... I don't have to like someone to be kind to them.. I'm more than likely will backslide some..but I'm trying...
School has started and the schedule is in check... Women's fellowship is starting again too...I'm also considering going back to school... I thought I knew what I wanted but I'm not sure now... I really wanted to look into being a probation officer for juveniles or adults...and after talking to a another PO- I got a grim future like not worth it....so now I'm not real enthused about going back to school b.c. I thought I knew what I wanted... I just I don't know...I've always liked the thought of getting a degree and using it but having a baby was a bigger dream/wish after we got married...now..would be a perfect time to go back or when Shania gets older looking for a job that pays decent so I could afford that daycare bill...and most of all... as long as we still own the house in Lafayette we will not be able to build a new house especially if we are living on one income...SO that is another motivation to return to school.
Sondra- man she has matured into a beautiful girl... she is so grown and not a baby no more..makes me sick to my stomach..I love that girl..she is in 1st grade and becoming more and more independent...
Stuart- after realizing he will start his first year of kindergarten next fall...I've been in disbelief..there is no way he will be ready...well I'm not sure I'll be ready either
Shania- I just love her... she is army crawling everywhere... makes me sick she is growing up and then I get a pang of I want another baby...I quickly remember how much I hate buying diapers..no way I'd want to buy 2 different sizes of diapers lol.. but Shania has a kind heart..already she is so sweet...I still hold her every night till she falls asleep...
So there it all is..as is...what has been running through my head...pray for me I'll pray for you..or call me and we can pray together...
Love, -Me
