I’m here for an update! My beautiful babe Shania is here and
is 1 Month old today!
It was so oddly strange this time around. We woke up pretty
much laid around. It didn’t seem like forever or anything but just strange we
were not getting up and rushing around to get to the hospital. On our way to
the hospital Jake says: I have to tell someone this because if it does happen I
need a witness. I had a dream last night that Shania came out with red hair and
a boy. Now I would have taken the red hair but a boy I’d been a little upset.
My heart was already set on a girl and have prepared for a girl with all the
pink and purple things littering our home. Then another conversation to the
hospital Jake says: “well are you ready for your last “real” delivery?” (We want to adopt kids too so hence “real”)
Which it perturbed me? Which led to questions of how many more do you want to
actually have- ect ect? I just didn’t know at that point. I mean if we had a
larger home and more room I would have more to begin with. I have a desire to
adopt a baby(ies) also. After really thinking about it I postponed the
conversation citing this wasn’t the time to be talking about this issue and let’s
get this c-section over with. So yes on our way to go have our third babe we
were arguing over our next kids coming and how we would receive them. J That is us.
So we get there check in get to our room and that is when it
began. I’m not sure how to explain my mindset days leading up to the surgery or
if anybody really noticed but I was dreading it. I mean I was DREADING the
c-section. The actual surgery isn’t painful or anything. It is just very
uncomfortable. I had mentioned to Jake that I wasn’t looking forward to it but
probably didn’t mention how much. The night before my surgery I was taking a
shower and just cried. I don’t know why but I just was overwhelmed, Stuart was
already at his Aunt Brittany and Uncle Jordan’s and I thought next time I see
him he will probably be entirely disappointed and confused, I cried thinking
about Sondra feeling “replaced”, cried thinking about what if something
happened and my kids were left without a mother and Jake left raising 3 young
kids. It could happen- crazy things happen. I mean just a few months ago one of
our best friends was fighting for his life… although not the same situation but
crazy things you don’t think will happen….happen.
Alright so we are in my room they start monitoring Shania’s
heart rate and all that. I had 2 nurses-
a younger one and a older one. The young one went to put in my IV and couldn’t
get it after a few attempts then the older nurse got it. I’ve never had anybody
have trouble drawing blood or doing IVs. So I think that is when it started up.
I just started getting nervous. I answered all their pre surgery questions and
then the questions of is this your first? No..the next well how many do you
have at home? Oh Are they excited? If I could have a $1 every time I had that
question from the time I arrived to the time I left- I could stay home for a
year. I know it’s in all good intentions but answering it probably close to 20
times from the time I’m admitted to being in the actual OR was just…I don’t
know. Maybe they sensed I was really nervous and maybe thought that would calm
me down but whatever. So then we are getting ready to go to wheel me down and
in my mind I’m thinking…I could just run. I could just tell them I’m not ready
to have her today. I just can’t do this! I am not kidding. That seemed liked a
sane option. And If was anymore unstable I probably would have done it that day.
My actual surgery went fine. Shania is my 3rd so
I’m an old pro at it. And my feelings of craziness is what surprised me. I knew
what was going to happen. I did it blindly with Sondra and I went through with
Stuart great. With Sondra when they were putting in the spinal the nurses
commented how calm I was and asked if I had a c-section before. This time
around she kept asking how I was feeling and ect. I wasn’t outwardly freaking
out but was just very quiet and probably not looking real smiley. Then as they
are putting that cover on me that sticks and only shows where they are doing
the incision its like a big blue blanket and it also doubles as a curtain so
Jake and I can’t see what is going on- as they are putting that on me a tech/or
nurse I don’t know says: “STOP YOU SEE THAT THERE WE NEED TO REDO EVERYTHING
NOW” “DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING”….OH holy hell I thought to myself. Series of
unfortunate events I’m dying today I know it.
As I laid on the table waiting for Jake to come back in the OR I just
prayed to my Heavenly Father. Many of times my Pastor has said he has done some
of his best praying on his back in a hospital bed well that day I was doing the
same. I prayed for my doctor and medical people in there. Prayed that for some
reason if something happened that if I had anything in my heart not right to
please forgive me. I prayed to God asking him to speed up time and get it over
with. And maybe that is another reason why they kept asking me how I was
feeling- I should have just told them I’m fine but I’m praying stop
interrupting me! Before I knew it Jake was in there and holding my hand which I
think I gripped it very tight this time around. Surgery starts and I hear
comments from my doctor of look at that baby kicking? Then I hear I hear her.
Jake confirms she has hair (not red) and it’s a Girl. Whew! She screamed and
she screamed loud! I love newborn crying but I don’t love hers. It was loud
from day one. They brought her up to my head for me to see. I seen her and was
okay take her away. I don’t know why but I just want to get out of there. Take
miss thing away and get her back to me pronto when I get to my room. Jake is
the same way for entirely different reasons. He doesn’t want anything to do
with the baby until he knows I’m okay. It’s a devotion thing. I can only
imagine what the nurses think of a parent not wanting to be with his baby. Oh
well- I know his heart. So I get back to my room and look at my Mom and say-
I’m glad that is over with and look over to Jake and say: “I don’t know if I
ever want to have another C-section again”. Argument settled! LOL I can’t not even tell you or explain how
relieved I felt. But as I sit here I’m still contemplating if I will have
another baby or not via C-section. Are we done?? I’m not ready to decide at
this point.
When they brought her back the first thing on the agenda was
trying to breastfeed. That was one thing I made clear to the nurses that one I
would need A LOT of help because I had never did it and I wanted to nurse her
as soon as possible barring any medical complications which would prevent it.
The nurse came in positioned my pillows and laid her down and showed me how to
latch and volia! She latched on first attempt and started chowing. My nurse
looks at me and says- I think this baby was born to breastfeed. Which made me
smile because if you have read this blog you know it’s something I wanted to
try and see if I wanted to do it and if I even could breastfeed. That same
nurse came back the day I was leaving hospital and wanted to check on me and
see how nursing was going. Said she was happy for me and proud that we got the
hang nursing. Shortly after we accomplished her first try Sondra and Stuart
arrive. Sondra’s face was priceless. Her first question as she walks in is
“what does she look like”. Stuart was just funny! Sondra held Shania for a
little bit and Stuart even asked to hold her. Stuart kept walking around and
when he got in touching distance he would pet her. Mom and Stuart left shortly
after for a appt and Sondra stayed for a bit. Jake’s parents came and while
they were holding her Sondra asks can I hold her?? Lol..Sondra loves to hold
her sister. It was funny. We had many visitors that day and I was a bit over
whelmed thinking when am I going to feed her? You almost feel like you are
playing host and don’t want to “inconvenience” your guests but I’m thankful
Jake was and is very supportive of this nursing thing. He made sure when it was
time that he was the one that said Joie needs to feed Shania so I wasn’t the
one saying hey you need to get out of here! Lol.. by the time our last guests
left I look at Jake and say I’m starving! I had not eaten since 8pm the night
before and it was well past 10pm and missed the lunch/dinner that was never
sent to my room. So I ate some crackers and vending machine food. I was less
than thrilled that I didn’t think to ask for something to eat sooner.
Visitors came the next couple days and I actually opted to
stay till Thursday afternoon on the sole reason I wanted to take it easy and
not do too much just yet and get the knack of nursing and have on hand help.
The last day I was a bit stir crazy!
So yeah- we are home its been 4 weeks. Stuart has enjoyed
staying home with me but he has mentioned I’m boring. Also, he tells me I am a
mean mom. He has learned that when Mommy is feeding Shania- he can do anything
and I won’t get up. That’s a bad thing but he pays for it later. I do want to
note that in the past 4 weeks I can count on one hand how many times he has
pooped his pants. Last night he even came down from his bed and went poop. I’m
happy that he hasn’t regressed but progressed. My Aunt Misty told me when
Shania got here he would quit pooping his pants and I just didn’t believe her.
Boy was I wrong! He always mentions that
Shania poops in her pants and big boys don’t. If he doesn’t want to take a nap
he will say “Big boys poop in the potty don’t have to nap!” I think to myself-
I’ll go with that.
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| Sondra & Shania |
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| Stu & Shania |
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| Daddy & his Princesses |
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| Stu, Mommy, & Shania |
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| LOL Stu's face while changing Shania's Diaper |
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| Jake & the Kids Loving Shania |
WARNING WARNING THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS ABOUT BREASTFEEDING
AND MAY HAVE TMI
So this whole breastfeeding thing. My original thing was I
was going to nurse till my milk came in and then exclusively pump because I
wasn’t sure how I was going to “feel” about it. I’ve never did it before. It’s
not something I was ever around. So being in the hospital and figuring it out
and realizing man this is pretty “easy” per say. The actual act was coming easy
to us. So I’ve continued it. I figure if all keeps going good I’ll keep doing it
and start pumping so I can send bottles with the babysitter. One con about this
whole thing is- going anywhere and the entire time I stake out places that may
have a decent place like a family bathroom that I can use to feed Miss. Shania.
Family bathroom so Stuart can move freely while I sit and feed and not worry. I
would totally jump on the wagon of public places providing a place to breastfeeding
Mothers. It is just someone like me I am not comfortable or confident enough to
use one of those covers without worrying about something popping out and I
prefer not to use a cover. It’s hot and Shania doesn’t nurse as well when using
one so that’s why I prefer to go to a private place to feed her instead of
covering up. I’m practicing but yes it’s a still a concern. One positive is we
fixed our Buick and its back windows are somewhat tinted so I can feed in there
while out and about in town and don’t have to preplan every trip to town or
hope to God I can get back home within 3 hours.
Another thing about breastfeeding- I know I am not a skinny Minnie
but I have dropped 30lbs already by
doing…NOTHING. I still have 20 to go and then I’d like to lose another 20-30
but here is to hoping. Once its nicer out I plan on walking and trying to be
more active like jumping on the trampoline! Lol.. We are very close to setting
that up!...
All in All nursing isn’t at all what I expected or how I
would “feel” about it and I’m very happy I tried it this time around. Although it’s
a big adjustment for everyone I’m thankful I have a very supportive husband and
kids. Just listen to Stuart when Shania is crying…”Mommy- get your shoulder and
feed Shania”…(boy is he going to have a surprise when he gets to health class J)
Shania Ross is completely different from her siblings. I
mean all kids are different but she is just plain different. If she is a wake
and in her carseat- she is probably screaming. I am not joking- we were in the
car waiting on Sondra to get off the bus so we could run some errands and I had
to drive up and down the driveway just to soothe her. My other 2 “lived” in
their seats… Shania wants held, talked to, soothed too. It’s kind of nice
though. Shania slows down time when she requires that extra attention. Might
annoy my other family members because not a whole lot of cleaning or anything
gets done- but yea I’m infatuated with this girl. I can report Friday night we
were at the Abbey’s and she fell asleep on the way home. I just left her in her
car seat expecting her to wake up in a hour or so to eat and well she did wake
up but not till 6:55am the next day…I was feeling good! So good- I went to a
Mom to Mom sale to look for a swing which I got a really good steal for $25. It’s
one I always wanted but didn’t want to pay the money and what do you know-
there was a used one there!
I was very excited for Shania’s arrival. As a mother I
wondered how I would feel about her. Obviously I would love her but would I be
as head over heels as I was when Sondra was born? Would I keep her in my arms
as much as I did with Stuart? I just wasn’t sure. But I’m in love. So much in love
that I’ve spent days just sitting in my chair or hours at night just staring at
her sleeping. I just feel like I want savor the moments with her. She yawns all
the time just like her sister and when her eyes are open she reminds me of
Stuart. As she becomes more and more full or in other words fatter- I swear she
looks more like Sondra but with dark hair. And they all look like their Dad
when they are born too. I have a hard time seeing who they look like between me
and Jake but I do see similarities with Sondra/Stu to Shania. At the Mom to Mom
sale I seen 2 different school friends and they both said how much Sondra
reminds them of me. Which is cool to hear.
Alrighty! So I’ve blabbed on long enough! I’ll update more
later…I’ve been enjoying my time off and as of now at 4 weeks I feel like I’m
going to have a really hard time going back to work. It may change in a few
more weeks. Who knows! Pray I get more done at home this week- my house really
needs a good clean! Also- Shania has a
appt Friday and pray for her bili levels to come back better..we have been
having to get her Bili tested every week to check her jaundice level. It’s
coming down but it’s not fun having her heel pricked each week.
Love,
Me
