So I have had a pretty crazy few days lately... its 830 in the morning and I am yet not at work (which call me a bad Mom but I'd rather be at work under these circumstances) for the second day in a row and am at my parents house at home with the kids... Stuart had a cough the earlier week but there isn't anything you can do for a cough...feeling fine...no fever..eating great...well Friday it started getting worse...his cough...and he started to sound congested which he sounds like that half the time already..I didn't worry much.... well... Saturday I thought he seemed warm ....nope its 100..nothing in Doc's eyes to be worried about..but still coughing really bad..and started wheezing.... But no Fever... so I didn't worry...I would get him into the doctor Monday as soon as I could get a appt..So Sunday...his breathing was better..he was breathing very heavy..but no wheezing if hardly any...then that next morning... he woke up and was wheezing...when I picked them up from Amanda's to go to doc..he sounded even worse.... on my way to my appointment I knew this wasn't going to be good..I wasn't going to Tran but to a PA in his office....as soon as she seen him she says they wanted to start a breathing treatment now...did that no change...she checked his ears and she said they were fine...then she tells me that I need to take him to the hospital immediately b.c. she thinks and is pretty sure he has RSV....awww Great!... so...as I am gathering my things..I get in Car call Jake... tell him I am bringing Sondra to him and then have to go to hospital..trying to explain what RSV even is..I wasn't sure I just knew he would be admitted if that was really what it was... call my Mom and ask her to meet me there...bc 1. If me and Jake go..neither one of us knows what is going on... 2. She has a lot of experience with it b.c. both my brothers were in the hospital when babies w/respiratory issues.. So we are in Car and I turned off Sondra's Music so I can always hear Stuart breathing b.c. the lady I seen told me he looked blue and that I needed to rush him to ER...so I was assuming if he was turning blue he could go unconscious... Sondra is complaining about her music and I try to explain and I said is your brother awake b.c. he was being quiet and I knew he hadn't had his full nap... and she says his eyes are closed... and I ask her is he Blue Sondra??.. and she says No Momma he is green..I asked no is he blue..and then she tells me I don't know ...lol.. thank you..then I thought to myself..quit worry God has this..so we continue...then all I thought about how we had to take Sondra to the ER when she was about 12-15months when she fell and cut open her eyebrow...I just cried b.c I felt so horrible b.c. I was watching her and felt like it was my fault...of course Mommy guilt sets in and I just start to cry softly trying to stop my self..and Sondra says...Whats wrong Momma???..and I say I am just really Sad..Stuart is really sick and I am his Mommy and I shouldn't let this happen to him....and she tells me "Momma don't worry..Stuart is really busy baby and that is why he is sick but he loves you"...lol... that helped me. So I get Sondra dropped off...and I prepare myself...and Start to pray... "God- Make me the strong Mother that I need to be so I can be there for him and comfort him"...I just kept repeating that..I kept talking to him and saying that a crying woman won't do nothing to keep Stuart happy!"... and if you know me..I hate to cry... I hate it b.c. well...it shows your weakness..and I don't like to appear weak..only since I have had kids have I really allowed myself to show Sondra weakness b.c. ultimately if I can't show her how will she ever think it is OK to show how she feels...and that would "cripple" or handicap her as a individual someday...
So I get into the ER..remarkable God gave me my courage and I held it together..My Mom got there and helped explain what was going on since we had been staying with my parents she knew what was going on too..she talked "medical" with them... and they were much calmer at hospital which helped ease my emotions...we had a awesome nurse and really great ER Doc..he loved Stuart and both of them said you wouldn't he know he was sick by the way he is acting and eating! lol... exactly..and all the guilt started to ease away... I was thankful that his RSV and Flu test came back Negative...they did a Chest Xray and if any parents have had babies that needed that no need to explain but for people who haven't..they have to put your baby in this contraption seat and strap them up with their arms up in the air and the kids just scream bloody murder...the lady said to me..now its ok to get upset at this most parents do..and I just reply- I know it won't hurt him a bit and it needs to be done and this will help so we can find out what is wrong...I might even laugh so don't hold it against me...lol..and of course...I laughed... he just got so pissed off..he kept staring at her and would whimper when she walked us back to our room...so doc came in and told us that he had early pneumonia in his lungs and a ear infection in his right ear (which that was out of left field b.c. I have dealt with ear infections and he had not been acting like that at all)...that he was prescribing him a strong antibiotic and breathing treatments which 1st 2 days would be around the clock....(and that is why I feel deadbeat and wish I was at work) lol.. so that meant..he wasn't admitting him...thank you Jesus..b.c. if its preventable I have been told you don't want your baby admitted b.c. there are so many germs they can get in a hospital and 2... I would do if I had too without a second thought..but staying at the hospital is very expensive... thinking about makes me feel like a bad Mom..but I am human I guess...
and also we were going to move home Monday and with everything we decided we would rather have a nurse on hand just in case... respiratory issues are very serious..I didn't want to trust my own judgement if he started to get worse...
So Stuart has been doing better this second day... yesterday he was still continuing still wheezing..but this morning...he has been sounding a little better..and it stinks in the morning b.c. at 4am yesterday he wouldn't go back to sleep...so then he fell asleep at like 630 or so I was wide a wake for a while...and then this morning at 5 am I gave him his breathing treatment and still didn't want to fall asleep...he just laid down right before I started writing this...
so through all this house stuff and then Stuart I have decided I have been doing something right b.c. the Devil is trying to reek havoc on our family's life...all day Monday at work I was trying to get my stuff done and then also trying to figure out what I still needed to do for the women's retreat but couldn't think straight b.c. I was worrying about Stuart..i really believe the Devil is trying to get in the way..and its just not going to happen!...
With our house over the weekend we bought that laminate flooring to replace all of our carpet..I am so excited to get that NASTY ASS white but now tan brown carpet out!..and I don't take back the bad word just don't tell my little lady..if you seen it you would agree its nasty ass carpet... what genius redid our house and put all WHITE carpet it in...a cheap one!!!!... so now before we move back in Jake is going to put that flooring in starting Friday..My cousin so generously offered to show Jake how to do it and what we hear it is really easy you just have to learn how but once you start its a cinch!...so that means..we will be at my parents till Sunday at the latest my hubby says... and I don't care!!..if that means carpet gone..I would stay in a cardboard box in the street if I had too!... I am so excited about fixing up our house and happy Jake is willing to learn how to do it himself makes him more and more valuable..don't worry babe if you continue this I won't trade you in..lol JK ..not that our house needs a lot of fixing up but we have neglected to make it our "own" b.c. we don't want to stay there..but with economy and everything I don't see us selling it with any profit right now and when the economy gets better I'm afraid we will lose money..which we will just have to do it...My Mom has all these ideas and I am so excited about it...after the flooring we are going to put up shelving in our back room b.c. we are not going to store anything in the back room again and our back room is just piled with things that were supposed to be taken down there but b.c. of my husbands extra curricular activities not a bunch got done in the last few months...so its a blessing in disguise! lol... but it will be nice to get shelves up and some organization back there...probably my favorite thing we purchased for house besides the flooring... a new deadbolt for our front door... lol... I broke my key off in it during the winter so we hadn't been locking our house...and so I have always told Jake even before..I want one of those doors I don't need a key for bc. a lot of times I forget my keys at work and then have no way to get in house which really pisses me off b.c. I don't like locking the door and so I either wait till he gets home in the car or go to somebody's house till he is off work......so he actually broke down and agreed to get one... he wasn't very happy but after putting it in and realizing it wasn't that hard to do...I think he is slowly ok with it..and one good thing is..its not all electronic there is a key override... it was worth the money I don't care what anybody says!.. also..if anyone has keys to our house...they don't work no more!!
Also..WW was yesterday...I have had a hard 2 weeks and knew it wasn't going to be good..probably a gain but one surprise I didn't gain..but lost .8 of a pound lol..a loss is a loss I hear..lol but hey I reached my 5% goal... which Jake informs I shouldn't put how much I have lost b.c. any person can easily figure out how much I weigh and he knows I am very insecure with my weight..which yes I am..but can't anybody know how much they weigh and can about guess by their weight how much other people are close too ....so ya its not a secret but he is right I don't want to proclaim my weight maybe once I get to my overall goal weight I will scream it from the mountain tops...this week I am getting back on track...Its time to get serious again..and it helps a lot wrestling is over!
so..I have went on for far too long...I must be going and probably won't write till next week..
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