Today is just one of those days.... 2 years has gone by since Grandma passed away...I still miss her... I can say though it doesn't hurt "as much"... I can say not as many tears have fallen like they did last year.the tears have been replaced with remembrance.....but today they are flowing for some reason... please not at work I beg...why doesn't my body obey me?.... either way..I woke up got ready... put my "armor" on... (doused myself with Grandma's Soft Musk Perfume) and went on my way...
Before I started writing..I reread my blog a year ago today..and in it I was still very much hurting...badly...I miss her so much...but a lot of times this year...when tears came.. it was when I knew someone else was missing her..or more in difficult times when I knew she would know what to do... and although I didn't cry for her as much this year...I still missed her everyday... there wasn't one day that I did not think of her...one day that I didn't see something. a color, or do something that made me think of her..i would hear songs..and think of her. does that ever end?... some new stories....
One story I heard about Grandma was when Grandpa and her had a milk cow..and one day she was out milking the cow and someone came to the house...she hid out in the barn and pretended not to be home..b.c. she didn't want the visitor to see her in her good shoes and house coat milking the cow. :)
I'm not sure If I shared this over this past year...but when we were cleaning out my Grandma's clothes and bagging them up for donation... a lot of her clothes had the sizes marked out and a different size was wrote in with permanent marker. lol....I know her sewing for many years I think she did that b.c. she believed that was the size it actually should be like they were miss marked or something...but for me..I think I am just going to start doing that..I'm going to mark in the size in my jeans that I want to be...Size 6...well yes I am! :) just look at my tag.. lol...
I can tell that Grandpa has really missed her...he misses her companionship. The calls for chit chat... or times when Jake goes loads hay and he doesn't get home till hours later.....its alright though... we all miss her..but still I can't imagine losing your partner after being together for that long...its going to be tough if Jake goes before me...
I still haven't got the hang of talking about Grandma in past tense you know? Same with my horse Mystery...its so strange still to walk into my grandparents house and she isn't in her chair. And also her house has been changed around.. things different... her desk is cluttered with things that don't belong to her...her shoes are not lining the closest.. she had so many... she had so many wonderful pretty clothes.....
my biggest hurt or ache...would have to be hearing her talk. I can still hear the sound of her voice... but I wish she could have got to know Stuart. I wish I could have heard her thoughts on him you know. She would say- your mother acted just like Sondra did. Or "Sondra just "sparkles" Joie." Or..my personal fav...."Joie, Sondra is not a bad baby- She just wants to explore and see the WHOLE world. That's it!"... and I know that they will meet someday in heaven... but I wish she was here to experience it the first time around with Stuart or any of my future kids... but hey that isn't how life is... is it!
my little girl and her handy me down name... still doesn't understand it...just in general I feel like my Sondra is pretty special little lady.. but this past year a few people or Grandpa's friends will talk to her...and some have said..hey.. did you know I knew your Grandma Sondra...you guys have the same name! lol..she just kind of grins..like ok? tell me something I don't know... lol..Sondra talks about Grandma here and there..or when people have made comments to her..she'll be in the car..made comments like..Me & Grandma Sondra have the same name..but its MY name! lol.. either way it makes me :)... but I look at her and can't think of any other name that would fit her..I was afraid at first when she was born like what if it just doesn't fit her..but it has....the special smile people give me when I tell them my daughters name that knew her... and we give each other a nod and know : yup.. Grandma Sondra was one special lady..
There are many things in life that I have yet to experience and there will be many times..like a little girl...that I will stop and shed a tear or two & miss my Grandma and wish she were there..but that is what life is about. It is what has made me stronger. Made me wiser.. made us as a family accept change better...
Grandma- I am so very proud when people ask me if i'm one of "Sondra's Grand-Daughters"... or ask me which Daughter of Sondra's I belong too...I'm proud of the woman you were and how you handled yourself..nothing but a lady!..I'm proud of the woman you helped me to be! Love you
also stay tuned..I have more to blog on other happenings :)
Love,
Me
Before I started writing..I reread my blog a year ago today..and in it I was still very much hurting...badly...I miss her so much...but a lot of times this year...when tears came.. it was when I knew someone else was missing her..or more in difficult times when I knew she would know what to do... and although I didn't cry for her as much this year...I still missed her everyday... there wasn't one day that I did not think of her...one day that I didn't see something. a color, or do something that made me think of her..i would hear songs..and think of her. does that ever end?... some new stories....
One story I heard about Grandma was when Grandpa and her had a milk cow..and one day she was out milking the cow and someone came to the house...she hid out in the barn and pretended not to be home..b.c. she didn't want the visitor to see her in her good shoes and house coat milking the cow. :)
I'm not sure If I shared this over this past year...but when we were cleaning out my Grandma's clothes and bagging them up for donation... a lot of her clothes had the sizes marked out and a different size was wrote in with permanent marker. lol....I know her sewing for many years I think she did that b.c. she believed that was the size it actually should be like they were miss marked or something...but for me..I think I am just going to start doing that..I'm going to mark in the size in my jeans that I want to be...Size 6...well yes I am! :) just look at my tag.. lol...
I can tell that Grandpa has really missed her...he misses her companionship. The calls for chit chat... or times when Jake goes loads hay and he doesn't get home till hours later.....its alright though... we all miss her..but still I can't imagine losing your partner after being together for that long...its going to be tough if Jake goes before me...
I still haven't got the hang of talking about Grandma in past tense you know? Same with my horse Mystery...its so strange still to walk into my grandparents house and she isn't in her chair. And also her house has been changed around.. things different... her desk is cluttered with things that don't belong to her...her shoes are not lining the closest.. she had so many... she had so many wonderful pretty clothes.....
my biggest hurt or ache...would have to be hearing her talk. I can still hear the sound of her voice... but I wish she could have got to know Stuart. I wish I could have heard her thoughts on him you know. She would say- your mother acted just like Sondra did. Or "Sondra just "sparkles" Joie." Or..my personal fav...."Joie, Sondra is not a bad baby- She just wants to explore and see the WHOLE world. That's it!"... and I know that they will meet someday in heaven... but I wish she was here to experience it the first time around with Stuart or any of my future kids... but hey that isn't how life is... is it!
my little girl and her handy me down name... still doesn't understand it...just in general I feel like my Sondra is pretty special little lady.. but this past year a few people or Grandpa's friends will talk to her...and some have said..hey.. did you know I knew your Grandma Sondra...you guys have the same name! lol..she just kind of grins..like ok? tell me something I don't know... lol..Sondra talks about Grandma here and there..or when people have made comments to her..she'll be in the car..made comments like..Me & Grandma Sondra have the same name..but its MY name! lol.. either way it makes me :)... but I look at her and can't think of any other name that would fit her..I was afraid at first when she was born like what if it just doesn't fit her..but it has....the special smile people give me when I tell them my daughters name that knew her... and we give each other a nod and know : yup.. Grandma Sondra was one special lady..
 |
| The Day Sondra Delle met Sondra Ray 6/27/2007 |
Grandma- I am so very proud when people ask me if i'm one of "Sondra's Grand-Daughters"... or ask me which Daughter of Sondra's I belong too...I'm proud of the woman you were and how you handled yourself..nothing but a lady!..I'm proud of the woman you helped me to be! Love you
also stay tuned..I have more to blog on other happenings :)
Love,
Me
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