let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven

Matthew 5:14-16

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Introduction:

So after a few Sundays of great bible based preaching...I have had this laid heavy on my heart...  a few Sundays ago Gary preached about witnessing. He asked how many people have we shared our testimony too? How many tracts have we handed out to people?... when he asked those questions I was a bit.. embarrassed .. I can't actually name a number?... I have talked about my faith to people but to actually "share" my testimony... hmmm.. no... even worse... I have tracts in my purse to give out to people- but yet...I never have... how great of a Christian am I if I cannot even acknowledge when I should hand them out? Am I that out of tune with God? Gary brought up the point that being a Christian you should WANT to proclaim how much God has helped you! How FAR God has brought you... well.. I think my own "small country" living..I don't feel like my story really is something so great..but with further digging... and really putting it down... I hope that someone can relate to it. I decided to share it on my blog because I am better on "paper" when I think about my words. After looking at my stats for each post I see I have a 60-70 plus views each post and more on some..one even had 198...so if I can reach someone through this- I'm doing my job. Did Jesus imagine this is how I would share good news when he gave us the great commission?  :)

Please no critiques...this is sensitive..this is my heart...this is me...Here is my light.

Please feel free to read this again and again.. and share it with whoever you want on whatever you want... 

Your's Truly :) 

Sunday School Brat

on first thought as to why I am a Christian I believe is because I was dedicated as a child. It really meant nothing to me at the time like it means nothing to ALL babies at the time..who cares. BUT to my parents it was a BIG decision- they were making a commitment in front of their church family & God that they PROMISED not only to me BUT to God that they would raise me up to be a Christian. No- they wouldn't just make sure I attended Sunday school and church but that they themselves would try with all their might to set a example to me.  and just thinking about that chokes me up a bit. Just because I learned growing up not all families went to church and how much of a difference it does make (but more on that later).It chokes me up even greater being a mother. So yes growing up- Sunday mornings we were at Sunday School and then on to Church. I participated in Easter, Christmas, Bible School programs. I learnt a lot of the different bible stories in Sunday School Class. I was blessed to have several great Sunday School teachers. I think that is why I have volunteered to teach. I hope to impact kids like me. 

I had always considered myself Christian. When I got to middle school I learnt a new independence. I got to that point that I didn't always "want" to please my parents. I learnt to look one way and be another way. Then when I got to Jr. High there was a TFC program with 2 wonderful leaders: Jeff & Lori Hefner. I started going to TFC as soon as I could. I can't really remember if because my parents said you are going to go or maybe I wanted to go just to do "something" or really maybe I felt like I should. I really can't remember. But I watched that program grow from 7 to 10 kids to close to 40-50 a week. It was there in that TFC program I recited the sinner's prayer and accepted Jesus into my heart.  When I was there it was safe. But even then those 2 years in Jr. High being involved in a great TFC program I wasn't always acting like a Christian. That is where when I look back on my Christian walk that I feel embarrassed. On one hand I can tell you those 2 years my faith for Jesus really grew. I depended on him and asked him everything. That was the first time in my life I had actually felt truly close to God. BUT at that same time- I wasn't even truly fully committed. How is that? Was I just following along to what I seen. Going through the motions taking the next appropriate steps?  Only now I feel like I can answer that…

So after Jr. High I went on to high school. And it didn't get any better. Naturally I appear to be a good girl and I get more independence and I take advantage of it. I don’t need to go into detail of all my great short comings to my parents but I broke their hearts. And at those many times that I did break their heart’s I knew I had done wrong but I didn't realize the magnitude of hurt my actions caused my own parents. I just didn't get it. I felt like I was adult and I didn't need them. I was just not headed down the right path. I was still attending church every Sunday. No longer going to TFC. I met Jake through wrestling. Lol. My first thoughts when I seen him was…wow..he is hot…look at him he is a Mohawk man…he looks like he knows how to have fun. I was somewhat of a “partier”…so.. he looked like fun. …I laugh now- because after getting to know him- there wasn't one rebellious bone in his body. He was very good for me. We still had fun and party here and there- but he tamed me. I had always kept a journal and I love reading my words when we met. After the second or third time we talked on the phone- I wrote how I think he could be the one and how crazy it sounded but I felt like I could love him. I truly believe God brought Jake to me. So as most of you know I was that girl in high school that was engaged. I felt like my tummy was on baby bump watch! But no it wasn't a shot gun wedding. We just knew we wanted to be together and grow up together. Wasn't easy those couple years I can't say I was really being the "best" Christian but it was on my mind because even before we started getting serious one of my first questions was do you go to Church? What kind of Church? 

Married Bliss

After being married we were a bit in Limbo not really attending church because of a current pastor. I lost some faith during that time. I wondered how such a corrupt crazy man would pastor our church. He started out great and little by little he just got crazy. I do not even need to go into detail about this guy but one story and you will know this guy was crazy. My Grandma had ovarian cancer. While she was battling cancer this man said the reason why she had cancer was because she did something bad and was being punished. A normal person would just go to a different church but it was though. I missed my church. Oddly enough we would go to church every now and then I don’t know why out of entertainment or what but finally one Sunday this crazy man walked out mid-service and took half the congregation. Things got much better. We got pregnant and was blessed with a little girl.

Mother’s Love

Welcoming Sondra into the world absolutely renewed my faith. When we decided to dedicate Sondra- it was like wow I have such great responsibility to this child. I alone can determine how she views the world. So when she was old enough we started to take her down to Sunday school while we were in class she starting building her own building blocks of faith. Soon after her first birthday we decided to have another.   With Sondra it took three months to conceive. With our next it wasn't happening. And it wasn't the lack of effort!

Soon Sondra’s 2^nd birthday passed and I was afraid and losing faith. Why was God putting me through this. The one thing that a woman was made for and this woman (me) wasn't at the time I seem I couldn't do it. Was I broken? I prayed and prayed some more. I prayed to God to open my womb and allow me to have a baby. At the same time as I was praying I was too losing faith. There were nights I would cry myself to sleep. There was a night that I was crying Jake woke up and asked what was wrong? And I brushed him off. I want to say there was a moment that I just had this awe awakening moment with God and then I was pregnant. But it wasn't like that. Just one month when I always knew when to test to see if I was pregnant like I did every month I took a test and finally I got a positive test. At that moment I just fell to my knees beside the tub and cried thanking God and my next thought was: “I have kids”.  I do not understand why  I had to "wait" that long to get pregnant. All I can say about it is...If I knew I was waiting on Stuart when we were trying- I would have waited any amount of years just for him... it is a privilege to be his Momma...

Welcoming Stuart in the world was pure joy. God fulfilled my desire and my prayers. We dedicated him and he is following in his sister’s footsteps of being a Sunday school brat.

So What Now? 

I do want to point out that if you are a parent the best place for you is getting involved at your church. You don't "officially" have to dedicate your children but it is a good idea because on that day its not only YOU guys promising but it is your Church Family promising to help make sure that your child will learn and know about God. And whether it is official or unofficial dedication don't take it lightly. You have one of his children in your care it is up to you to start them on the right path...Your child is near and dear to his heart... (read "Heaven is For real" Colton Burpo's book..he says several times about How much Jesus loves the Children)... 

Also throughout all my dark times I have had..through high school when I knew I was blatantly not doing what I was supposed I always had a tug at my heart..A familiar tug that kept telling me "this is not you".."you know better"... it was that connection with the Holy Spirit...and I don't think I would have had that if I hadn't been raised in church to know what it was... did I always listen..heck no..but it was there....and I can thank my parents, family, and church family for instilling in me...

Naturally- I want to say since then I've loved Jesus with all my heart and not one day goes by that I don't pray and am always a good Christian. It is just simply not true. I fail almost every day. Some days I don't even realize it. Other days I am stopped dead in my tracks and immediately ask Jesus to forgive me. I can even tell you this past year and a half  events and changes  have woke me. Like when my cousin Austin was in his car accident...that first night when I wasn't sure he would be alive in the morning I just prayed and prayed half the night pleading with God through tears that he needed more time..and throughout his recovery and still do I pray for him. Or my brother and SIL their journey to become parents...when they started going to a specialist and when I knew certain procedures were happening..I  can tell you their names were constantly on my lips sending prayers... or just everyday activities I had with my kids and I would think of my SIL and know she wished to be a mother and I'd pray more...or most recently when my Mom fell out of the hay mound. It was me her and the kids...I didn't know what to do..so after asking what I could do immediately I started praying... 

For Me- I have realized that it wasn't really hard accepting Jesus and believing in him. It's my everyday fight. I need to fight not to be lukewarm. I need to stay involved at my church. I need to be the best Christian everyday because my kids someday will probably not remember my words but my actions. They will remember me dragging their butts to Sunday school...they will remember us writing that tithe check and dropping it in the plate...they will remember me showing kindness by opening a door for a stranger..they will remember me lending a helping hand to family & whoever asks for it...they will remember me having a firm and steady hand when it comes to discipline...and they will remember me praying with them..and sadly they will remember me in my not so good moments....BUT  I am hoping they will remember more of my Good moments and not my bad. I have always remembered my Grandparents or parents or Aunts/Uncles actions.  I want to give them the best example so that one day they become Christians because heaven without them- wouldn't be my heaven....

So there it is.. that was my journey into my faith. It is by far not over but there it is thus far..  

Love, 

Me