Life as I know it

Hello All! J J

I can’t believe it is October. Where has the time gone? This past 24^th hit me hard. Shania turned 7 months?????!!!!! Where has the time gone?? She is army/semi normal crawling everywhere. She is all banged up because she pulls herself up everywhere. And she has a strong affection toward me her Momma. Which I figured it would happen being her primary caretaker but still. Its love hate thing. Mostly hate I won’t lie. If someone is holding her and I’m out of view its fine. It’s the part where she sees me and someone else is holding her. I haven’t parted with her very much. I’m trying to break her of the bottle and then hold till she falls asleep thing. Once I feed her and get her to lay down on her own I would like to leave her over night IF I could find a babysitter. Even typing that though makes me nervous. I was this same way with Sondra. Stuart I practically gave him away. Lol…maybe its because they are my girls. I don’t know. 

One accomplishment: I finished exclusively pumping. My first goal was to make it a full year but I'll be honest I was going nuts. Having this experience I know now what I will do for my next baby. I'm pretty proud that I made it close to 7 months exclusively pumping. Pumping is so inconvenient and I'm mad at myself that I thought that was the smarter easier thing to do for me. I am though proud. I'm proud I did that for Shania. I can tell you that the more formula I mix in with my frozen stash the more she spits up which was a very rare occurrence before. So I don't know what to do. Is it just normal or does she need a different type of formula. I'm not sure. But I do  know my milk didn't make her spit up. 

Life in the Clum household is going good. Our house as always is a bit chaotic. After 7 months being home I still haven’t got a spick and span home. I never find time to update you my blog. As I write all these things I think of a dear friend that told me that she missed seeing my creative side but understood that I was living the best times of my life. And well- I’d have to agree.  I was having a “difficult” Sunday that day and its exactly what I needed to hear from someone that was a working mom. Someone to not so directly remind me what I have and what these times in front of me are. I know this won’t last forever and I’m living for the moment. If you would have asked me 2 years ago if I would be a stay at home Mom and I would have laughed in your face. My big thing was I’d always work because someday I want to retire and not worry about money. That the kids will leave someday. And as I spouted  those words my next words would be BUT I do wish I could stay home. It was true. I have/had this strange relationship to my parental duties to my professional desires. I was am still very passionate for both fields. I love to be able to stay home and soak in the time. The special library trips, breakfasts, playing, giggles, and  ect with my family. But also- I have a desire to go back to school to do something that helps people. Will it happen I don’t know. I think once Stu goes to school things could change and maybe I’ll look into school again.  

Totally off subject- but PLEASE watch how you talk about your kid’s friend’s parents. This was a few months ago- but still rubs me the wrong way until I seen this sign on pinterest that kind of put it in prospective.  The sign reads:

 

Anyways- one of Sondra’s friend’s Mom doesn’t think I’m a “nice person”. The only thing that bothers me is if this little girl told adults- did she tell her and Sondra’s friends when they got to school? Was this going to affect Sondra? When I first heard this- I racked my brain and thought why would she think this? She is much older than me, never went to high school together, never have shared friends- so if she thought I was a mean person on the OLD immature high school girl me which even then I was never a mean/bitchy person. And if I’m not a nice person on the current me- I don’t know what to say. J   So fellow parents- being on the hurtful end of these type of situations- please watch what you say about your children’s friend’s parents. You may not like them for one reason or another- but you don’t have to insult them. 

Womens fellowship as started also! Its always fun and I look forward to the fellowship. I’m doing crafts for the retreat this year again too!...Last year I was a bit embarrassed. I didn’t take into account how busy I would be with a newborn. I feel like I lacked last year. So this year I’m excited and already getting ideas. I have so many baby food jars that I want to do a craft with those. I’ve always wanted something to hang that had everyone in my family’s birthdays. So I want something like that and also I’ve always wanted something to hang my kid’s artwork. Like something special that is everywhere right now..so hopefully do that one too. Who knows though I’m excited!!!

Sunday school has flamed my heart desire to studying/reading my bible. In class we do these "talk sheets" where we ask questions about situation ect ect. One week I forgot the book and so I was kind of flying off the seat of my pants b.c. the kids weren't really talking about school so I had my bible there and the kid's were talking about their sports ect and this and that... and it hit me... I asked the class what translation was their bible was. Some didn't understand the question I was asking. One said well its a "pink" bible. Some of these kids that all told me they had bibles but obviously wasn't reading them. Then I started asking who can tell me they read their bible everyday on their own... 2 said Me!..I then said the bible verse of the day app DOES NOT count!..okay only one kid. WOWZER I thought in my head. What about ONCE a week on their own? Not many Yeses either... jeeze.. I was strange when I was growing up. I can say I actually read my bible a lot and not because my parents made me. It fascinated me but yet I should have applied it more to my life may have kept me out of more trouble. Anyways- we ended class with this: Go home figure out what your bible translation was. Also for the following week bring back a bible verse and you will need to tell us what it means to you. It doesn't have to be your favorite just a verse. Also bring your bibles. The following week most of the kids had their verses. Some knew a verse but wasn't sure where it was in the bible. Some you could tell they were very genuine about the assignment and did it and just didn't show up that morning and pick something quick. So at the end of class   new homework. 2 people from class agreed to bring back their favorite bible story. The following week they read them and we discussed them. We are continuing to do that. Which I think it surprises all of us. Yea we hear these stories as young  children but then never actually read them as adults. You miss out on some details. So as you can tell I'm feeling fulfilled. I'm picking my bible up more. 

Well I must be going!! Pray for Miss. Shania..she is cranky on and off. I don't know if its teeth, or ears, or just a plain cold. But I'm sorry for this choppy update and hope to see you soon :)      

back, back to school oh yea

Hello All!...I just "officially" changed my employment on facebook...jeeze... its still odd... I wouldn't without a second give back the  time I have had with my kids...It hasn't been rainbows and sunshine either..but the time... the time... Its been nice... awkwardly though it was time for Sondra to go back to school...she really changes the dynamic of day to day...Its nice to see her go but we are happy when she gets home especially Stuart..he loves playing with his sister...
Summer was fun too... Sondra and Jake took a couple trips showing sheep...made a lot of great memories with her Daddy... We made it through fair too... camping with a baby plus pumping....jeeze we made it!

I thought to myself if I can make it through fair then I can make it to a year with pumping...it still changes...gave me a big confidence boost making it..but still I look at my freezer stash and say- I'm just going to stop pumping and feed her my freezer stash which should make it so long then give her formula...that was my thought today...last weekend I was telling myself I'll continue it as long as there is no issue with supply...it just changes daily.. I don't know what I need to convince myself one way or the other...

campout was last weekend..which was a lot of fun...we actually had a "planning meeting" for next year wrote it all down and everything..just short of a theme... Gram would be so proud... I wish all my immediate family was more involved..I'm afraid campout will die with my Mom's generation....that would be sad...but wouldn't surprise me..not exactly sure what to do about it.....whats wrong with our generation in general....we suck heh

I want to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Its always nice getting on FB and seeing everyone with you a happy birthday...I want to say it was a wonderful day ect ect..but it would be a lie... I woke up depressed... I just was to my limit..I missed Jake & Sondra..and felt so unimportant.....heh..I know that sounds silly and how dare you...but I have found staying home these days...I need affirmation on things... at work I had a boss telling me great job or thank you ect. That don't happen at home...no one is there saying Good Job Mom for making dinner..Good job Mom for keeping status quo on your messy house...I don't have Shania patting me on the back when she wakes up in the middle of the night when all I want to do is just sleep and all she wants is her damn bottle and why am I not getting it to her faster...I could go on and on..lol... but I was bored and just wanted to see Jake & Sondra... although I went to bed that night still pissy...I can confirm I woke with a better attitude...at least that is what I'm telling myself..... which leads me to something else...

I'm really trying to be more positive... I can be a real negative Nancy...and throw my kindness out the window on occasion... to my husband, kids, family...I am really going to try to be kind... I don't have to like someone to be kind to them.. I'm more than likely will backslide some..but I'm trying...

School has started and the schedule is in check... Women's fellowship is starting again too...I'm also considering going back to school... I thought I knew what I wanted but I'm not sure now... I really wanted to look into being a probation officer for juveniles or adults...and after talking to a another PO- I got a grim future like not worth it....so now I'm not real enthused about going back to school b.c. I thought I knew what I wanted... I just I don't know...I've always liked the thought of getting a degree and using it but having a baby was a bigger dream/wish after we got married...now..would be a perfect time to go back or when Shania gets older looking for a job that pays decent so I could afford that daycare bill...and most of all... as long as we still own the house in Lafayette we will not be able to build a new house especially if we are living on one income...SO that is another motivation to return to school.

Sondra- man she has matured into a beautiful girl... she is so grown and not a baby no more..makes me sick to my stomach..I love that girl..she is in 1st grade and becoming more and more independent...
Stuart- after realizing he will start his first year of kindergarten next fall...I've been in disbelief..there is no way he will be ready...well I'm not sure I'll be ready either
Shania- I just love her... she is army crawling everywhere... makes me sick she is growing up and then I get a  pang of I want another baby...I quickly remember how much I hate buying diapers..no way I'd want to buy 2 different sizes of diapers lol.. but Shania has a kind heart..already she is so sweet...I still hold her every night till she falls asleep...
 
So there it all is..as is...what has been running through my head...pray for me I'll pray for you..or call me and we can pray together...
Love, -Me

Update :) Pumping Misery

Hello all…Ifeel like I need to reintroduce myself everytime I blog these days because there is so much time in between. I have been good. Life is turning and staying busy for me at home. It has been a adjustment since being on “maternity leave” to this Stay at Home thing. I have learned when people ask how do you like being home I don’t say nothing besides Its going great I love it. As with working it presents it’s challenges but people don’t want to hear that. Emotionally I feel great I love this time I am having with the kids especially Stuart and Shania. You might think wow she left Sondra out of that- but with Sondra I have never felt like she has missed out on anything. She was my only baby for 3 years and even when Stuart came a long she still got my undivided attention. So for Sondra I feel like she is learning to not be the “star”. For Stuart when school was still in we pretty much did whatever he wanted. He would say Mommy when Shania goes to sleep can we go jump? Of course we can ect ect. Now that school is out it has changed things. I almost always make sure the 2 older kids are up by 9am. I prefer them up sooner just so we can get our day started.  As much as having Sondra at home changing the rhythm I have adored it. Whenever I pump or need a few minutes she is willing to watch her.
Tonight or “last night” we went to a surprise bday party for our brother in law Chris… which I took pictures of the Stark kids Friday and planned on editing pictures tonight..but after Chris’ party we went to a wedding reception which means we didn’t get home till after 11ish..I pumped at Midnight and didn’t start editing till 12:30 I wanted to get them done because I told them they would be ready sunday…which now it is 2am and I’m now finishing a blog I have had the first paragraph saved for weeks now. Lol… at the rate I am going I can pump at 3am…which gets me to what I want to talk about…
BREASTFEEDING. Fair warning..TMI maybe or maybe not… fellow breastfeeding mothers easily talk about nipples… cracks..sores…leakage..Pulling tugging whether be a baby or pump…. without batting a eye…its part of life. I’m not “technically” breast feeding anymore…well in my eyes I am but not directly… I made the mistake and started giving Shania a bottle more and more..and she loved it..but was still latching and nursing..but then that got to be too far in between and now she is full bottle. As much as I read on my “exclusively pumping” group they say try seeing if she will latch everyday…but to no avail when I try she laughs at it..and won’t… DAMN DAMN DAMN…I’m sorry for my potty language but that is my frustration. (next baby I’ll be the nursing nazi)… I’m conflicted on this whole issue. If you’re a regular you knew I “planned” to pump only in the beginning… but after trying nursing it was so easy..why not?..but then I got to the place where its like..its just so much easier to give her a bottle when we are out and about..no worrying about sitting in a dirty bathroom to nurse b.c. I was one of those amateur breastfeeders who has a hard time with a cover and our sexualized society just probably couldn’t handle seeing a boobie be used for its real intended purpose not that I would whip mine out to feed her b.c. I'd be self conscious....(OMG am I turning into one of those feminist crazy women)… There has never been a time that I wished I lived in 3rd world or in a foreign place but when it regards baring a breast to feed my child it would be then…   back to point… I rationalized in my mind or am now why I just so carelessly gave up nursing..and everyday while I sit for 15-20mins at a time listening to my pump make that almost lull of a lullaby of a noise that I curse myself..I WAS pumping every 3 sometimes 4 hours living and dying by how many ounces I got..My sanity just couldn’t take it...now I’m down to doing 4/5 pumps a day… I’m still pumping enough and putting away in freezer but every day no joke is tough… I’m not lying… My SIL told me it would be a lot more work to pump only and let me tell you what…Lesson learned..again did I say my next one I’m going to be a nursing Nazi??..yes I am…and my next blog I may have stopped pumping all together... who knows
Why Don’t I just stop?- Here is the funny… I’ve read, educated myself and see the benefits in myself and Shania that it keeps me going..everyday I may contemplate whether to stop I just don’t. Its like I need someone..I don’t know who …but to say hey you did a good job Cow..I mean Mom!.. I think of the frustration Shania had when she was a few weeks old and we tried giving her a formula bottle and she wouldn’t drink it or when we halved it with Breastmilk and still she would barely drink it… I just don’t know if its worth her frustration..she is thriving and I’m having no issues on supply…I try to do bad at it and still I supply more than enough…DAMN DAMN DAMN…again I’m sorry..  I just don’t look forward to fair time..that will be annoying…If I can make it through fair without going crazy..then I can surely make it to a year…and at the rate I am going with the liquid gold stash In the freezer I’ll be able to quit a few months before her 1st birthday..I’m seriously considering having a goodbye pumping party? Are those real??? Who is with me???

So as you can see that is ruling my life right now..lol… sorry for so much info… Besides that frustration life is going… I’ve found that I am thankful for my “community” (family and friends)… I hate that when I’m going through something I distance myself from everybody… I clam up and keep myself closed off… but being at home I’m already “closed” off so then I feel “frigid”… But I am working on it…. It could be something so small or just being stressed… but again I’m working on it…. I need a “Mommy group”..that just sounds fun lol…
On to bragging…
Shania- She is rolling! And last 2 days have found her feet. Its so cute. She is coming a long on her hand eye coordination..and hopefully so she will hold her bottle by herself better….She continues to smile and laugh out loud so much…seriously..this kid is so happy…I question if she is ours…which Jake says, “she is just like her Momma…She usually almost always is happy and jolly but when she is upset EVERYBODY will know it”… Jeeze babe I love you…
Stuart- He isn’t about me…I’ve realized its because I always have Shania in my arms but I’m trying to make a effort to carve out time for me and him…but I also have a belief that kids go through those stages..its not Shania’s fault  or his…but Shania needs me now..and it will get better soon..I’m aware I think is the big thing… I have planned to take him and me to the movies to see the new ninja turtle movie… a nice date  ..
Sondra- she has grown.. She has learned how to get her pony out of the pasture by herself and will soon be able to saddle herself too..which will be nice..but also bad b.c. right now she is always wanting to go back to the ranch to ride… She is past the little baby sister thing…she’ll help but sometimes she really gets annoyed so I’m thankful for my friend Heidi who has a son and she takes her on “outings”..its Sondra’s day away  ..I’m just going to have to keep a eye on her friend lance....she has had a marriage proposal from Lance which went like this: “You’re a Hot girl.. I’m going to marry you” LOL....which his “hot girl” = athletic outdoorsy girl = Sondra

Alright…its 3am…I gotta go rest…I got Sunday school today at 9:30.. HOPEFULLY I GET UP! Love you guys keep me in your prayers…

Update: Goodbye Office Hello Diaper Duty

You see this picture… today I sat down and pulled out my planner. A planner I pretty much coveted until I got one for myself…then I carried this planner wherever I went. I decided on purses on the sole reason if it fit my planner in it with the rest of my junk. Yes I love my planner seriously. Also- I have never believed that I am busy enough to need a planner but just writing down what you got going on daily makes you feel good? Does that make sense to anyone?? Anyways- this picture shows you something. Sunday night before I had Shania I took my planner out and moved my bookmark to the week that I would return to work. I was deciding then I wasn't going to be ruled by what day it was. I was going to sit and wonder at my sweet babe without worrying about what I was doing that day or the next. That is what I learned with my other 2 maternity leaves. This time if I didn't get the house cleaned or supper made… who cares! The planner has kind of been a symbol of going back to the “real” world where I don’t have time to hold my baby for 2 hours while she slept just because I want to really know and remember how it felt to hold her. Or the mornings when Shania is napping while Stu & I go have a morning jump session on the trampoline before 9:00am. So this bookmark was set and as the May 5th date became closer and closer I dreaded it. I emailed my boss and asked for the additional 2 weeks off so I would be off the full 12. Then as the new date started getting closer I dreaded it even more. I just couldn't get out of my head as I looked at my kids what I would be giving up to return to work and get very little of my paycheck after daycare & gas was taken out. Honestly I planned on working after Shania was born. It really started about 4/5 weeks ago. These feelings really snuck up on me and realizing it was doable for me to stay home just kind of made the choice for me.
On May 5th I went up to work and officially gave my “2 weeks” and oh my. That was a big relief. I had fears of disappoint from there. The tank wash isn't some big business it’s a family business that the Lawrence s and Kings own. I always believed I’d work there all my life. I took a lot of pride starting there my Jr. year in high school December 2004 and worked there ever since. I took pride that I started there answering a phone and putting bills in a computer. After I got done with bills then I did my homework. Over the years I have learned a lot and how the business functioned and have met some interesting drivers and  I took on more responsibility.  My title still remained “secretary” leaving- I felt like I wasn't “just a secretary”. After telling my boss Doug I wasn't returning I got in my   car and felt “free” yet so devastated. I just have never had another job besides this one and in reality I’m worked for my Mommy and Aunts/Uncles…no matter how well I did my job I know my Non related coworkers assumed I felt “entitled” or untouchable. That was the only downfall of working for your family business. I’d like to walk in somewhere and succeed on my own merit or really not having anybody think it isn't on my own merit. What will I miss the most?- working with my family. Sure things aren't rainbows and butterflies all the time and working with family is another whole stress category but it is nice too. I always laugh when a “regular” driver come in and think I was Deb & Doug’s daughter. LOL Deb & Doug are sister & brother and my Aunt and Uncle. By the end of it I wouldn't even correct it. Yes I will miss the people.
So yeah- I’m a Stay at Home Mommy. That sounds so strange to say! With the reality of this is my life- I have started to set a better schedule. Once Sondra is home for the summer it will probably get even stricter with the 2 older kids. I’m slowly somewhat cleaning up my house and it will get better and better.

enjoying Little Miss...

So- does it surprise you? Someone who worked full time and then tried taking care of her home and family- I never really accomplished that. I can certainly say to the working mothers- I don’t know how you do it. I could never do it or I did it but I wasn't happy with it. Keep your head’s up and call me if there is anything I can help you with….This is a new adventure in my life- and I’m excited to take advantage of these times with my kids. I’m not saying I won’t return to the workforce in a year or 2. Maybe I’ll finish college? Maybe I’ll find that I’m so content at home and have a few more babies? Who knows? But for the time being- I’m choosing time over money.    
Love,
ME

My Parenting Motivation..this is what I am thinking and working on.. 

Shania is here..and ONE Month today!

I’m here for an update! My beautiful babe Shania is here and is 1 Month old today!

It was so oddly strange this time around. We woke up pretty much laid around. It didn’t seem like forever or anything but just strange we were not getting up and rushing around to get to the hospital. On our way to the hospital Jake says: I have to tell someone this because if it does happen I need a witness. I had a dream last night that Shania came out with red hair and a boy. Now I would have taken the red hair but a boy I’d been a little upset. My heart was already set on a girl and have prepared for a girl with all the pink and purple things littering our home. Then another conversation to the hospital Jake says: “well are you ready for your last “real” delivery?”  (We want to adopt kids too so hence “real”) Which it perturbed me? Which led to questions of how many more do you want to actually have- ect ect? I just didn’t know at that point. I mean if we had a larger home and more room I would have more to begin with. I have a desire to adopt a baby(ies) also. After really thinking about it I postponed the conversation citing this wasn’t the time to be talking about this issue and let’s get this c-section over with. So yes on our way to go have our third babe we were arguing over our next kids coming and how we would receive them. J That is us.

So we get there check in get to our room and that is when it began. I’m not sure how to explain my mindset days leading up to the surgery or if anybody really noticed but I was dreading it. I mean I was DREADING the c-section. The actual surgery isn’t painful or anything. It is just very uncomfortable. I had mentioned to Jake that I wasn’t looking forward to it but probably didn’t mention how much. The night before my surgery I was taking a shower and just cried. I don’t know why but I just was overwhelmed, Stuart was already at his Aunt Brittany and Uncle Jordan’s and I thought next time I see him he will probably be entirely disappointed and confused, I cried thinking about Sondra feeling “replaced”, cried thinking about what if something happened and my kids were left without a mother and Jake left raising 3 young kids. It could happen- crazy things happen. I mean just a few months ago one of our best friends was fighting for his life… although not the same situation but crazy things you don’t think will happen….happen.

Alright so we are in my room they start monitoring Shania’s heart rate and all that.  I had 2 nurses- a younger one and a older one. The young one went to put in my IV and couldn’t get it after a few attempts then the older nurse got it. I’ve never had anybody have trouble drawing blood or doing IVs. So I think that is when it started up. I just started getting nervous. I answered all their pre surgery questions and then the questions of is this your first? No..the next well how many do you have at home? Oh Are they excited? If I could have a $1 every time I had that question from the time I arrived to the time I left- I could stay home for a year. I know it’s in all good intentions but answering it probably close to 20 times from the time I’m admitted to being in the actual OR was just…I don’t know. Maybe they sensed I was really nervous and maybe thought that would calm me down but whatever. So then we are getting ready to go to wheel me down and in my mind I’m thinking…I could just run. I could just tell them I’m not ready to have her today. I just can’t do this! I am not kidding. That seemed liked a sane option. And If was anymore unstable I probably would have done it that day.

My actual surgery went fine. Shania is my 3^rd so I’m an old pro at it. And my feelings of craziness is what surprised me. I knew what was going to happen. I did it blindly with Sondra and I went through with Stuart great. With Sondra when they were putting in the spinal the nurses commented how calm I was and asked if I had a c-section before. This time around she kept asking how I was feeling and ect. I wasn’t outwardly freaking out but was just very quiet and probably not looking real smiley. Then as they are putting that cover on me that sticks and only shows where they are doing the incision its like a big blue blanket and it also doubles as a curtain so Jake and I can’t see what is going on- as they are putting that on me a tech/or nurse I don’t know says: “STOP YOU SEE THAT THERE WE NEED TO REDO EVERYTHING NOW” “DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING”….OH holy hell I thought to myself. Series of unfortunate events I’m dying today I know it.  As I laid on the table waiting for Jake to come back in the OR I just prayed to my Heavenly Father. Many of times my Pastor has said he has done some of his best praying on his back in a hospital bed well that day I was doing the same. I prayed for my doctor and medical people in there. Prayed that for some reason if something happened that if I had anything in my heart not right to please forgive me. I prayed to God asking him to speed up time and get it over with. And maybe that is another reason why they kept asking me how I was feeling- I should have just told them I’m fine but I’m praying stop interrupting me! Before I knew it Jake was in there and holding my hand which I think I gripped it very tight this time around. Surgery starts and I hear comments from my doctor of look at that baby kicking? Then I hear I hear her. Jake confirms she has hair (not red) and it’s a Girl. Whew! She screamed and she screamed loud! I love newborn crying but I don’t love hers. It was loud from day one. They brought her up to my head for me to see. I seen her and was okay take her away. I don’t know why but I just want to get out of there. Take miss thing away and get her back to me pronto when I get to my room. Jake is the same way for entirely different reasons. He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby until he knows I’m okay. It’s a devotion thing. I can only imagine what the nurses think of a parent not wanting to be with his baby. Oh well- I know his heart. So I get back to my room and look at my Mom and say- I’m glad that is over with and look over to Jake and say: “I don’t know if I ever want to have another C-section again”. Argument settled! LOL  I can’t not even tell you or explain how relieved I felt. But as I sit here I’m still contemplating if I will have another baby or not via C-section. Are we done?? I’m not ready to decide at this point.  

When they brought her back the first thing on the agenda was trying to breastfeed. That was one thing I made clear to the nurses that one I would need A LOT of help because I had never did it and I wanted to nurse her as soon as possible barring any medical complications which would prevent it. The nurse came in positioned my pillows and laid her down and showed me how to latch and volia! She latched on first attempt and started chowing. My nurse looks at me and says- I think this baby was born to breastfeed. Which made me smile because if you have read this blog you know it’s something I wanted to try and see if I wanted to do it and if I even could breastfeed. That same nurse came back the day I was leaving hospital and wanted to check on me and see how nursing was going. Said she was happy for me and proud that we got the hang nursing. Shortly after we accomplished her first try Sondra and Stuart arrive. Sondra’s face was priceless. Her first question as she walks in is “what does she look like”. Stuart was just funny! Sondra held Shania for a little bit and Stuart even asked to hold her. Stuart kept walking around and when he got in touching distance he would pet her. Mom and Stuart left shortly after for a appt and Sondra stayed for a bit. Jake’s parents came and while they were holding her Sondra asks can I hold her?? Lol..Sondra loves to hold her sister. It was funny. We had many visitors that day and I was a bit over whelmed thinking when am I going to feed her? You almost feel like you are playing host and don’t want to “inconvenience” your guests but I’m thankful Jake was and is very supportive of this nursing thing. He made sure when it was time that he was the one that said Joie needs to feed Shania so I wasn’t the one saying hey you need to get out of here! Lol.. by the time our last guests left I look at Jake and say I’m starving! I had not eaten since 8pm the night before and it was well past 10pm and missed the lunch/dinner that was never sent to my room. So I ate some crackers and vending machine food. I was less than thrilled that I didn’t think to ask for something to eat sooner.

Visitors came the next couple days and I actually opted to stay till Thursday afternoon on the sole reason I wanted to take it easy and not do too much just yet and get the knack of nursing and have on hand help. The last day I was a bit stir crazy!

So yeah- we are home its been 4 weeks. Stuart has enjoyed staying home with me but he has mentioned I’m boring. Also, he tells me I am a mean mom. He has learned that when Mommy is feeding Shania- he can do anything and I won’t get up. That’s a bad thing but he pays for it later. I do want to note that in the past 4 weeks I can count on one hand how many times he has pooped his pants. Last night he even came down from his bed and went poop. I’m happy that he hasn’t regressed but progressed. My Aunt Misty told me when Shania got here he would quit pooping his pants and I just didn’t believe her. Boy was I wrong!  He always mentions that Shania poops in her pants and big boys don’t. If he doesn’t want to take a nap he will say “Big boys poop in the potty don’t have to nap!” I think to myself- I’ll go with that.

Sondra & Shania

Stu & Shania

Daddy & his Princesses

Stu, Mommy, & Shania

LOL Stu's face while changing Shania's Diaper

Jake & the Kids Loving Shania

WARNING WARNING THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IS ABOUT BREASTFEEDING AND MAY HAVE TMI 

So this whole breastfeeding thing. My original thing was I was going to nurse till my milk came in and then exclusively pump because I wasn’t sure how I was going to “feel” about it. I’ve never did it before. It’s not something I was ever around. So being in the hospital and figuring it out and realizing man this is pretty “easy” per say. The actual act was coming easy to us. So I’ve continued it. I figure if all keeps going good I’ll keep doing it and start pumping so I can send bottles with the babysitter. One con about this whole thing is- going anywhere and the entire time I stake out places that may have a decent place like a family bathroom that I can use to feed Miss. Shania. Family bathroom so Stuart can move freely while I sit and feed and not worry. I would totally jump on the wagon of public places providing a place to breastfeeding Mothers. It is just someone like me I am not comfortable or confident enough to use one of those covers without worrying about something popping out and I prefer not to use a cover. It’s hot and Shania doesn’t nurse as well when using one so that’s why I prefer to go to a private place to feed her instead of covering up. I’m practicing but yes it’s a still a concern. One positive is we fixed our Buick and its back windows are somewhat tinted so I can feed in there while out and about in town and don’t have to preplan every trip to town or hope to God I can get back home within 3 hours.

Another thing about breastfeeding- I know I am not a skinny Minnie but  I have dropped 30lbs already by doing…NOTHING. I still have 20 to go and then I’d like to lose another 20-30 but here is to hoping. Once its nicer out I plan on walking and trying to be more active like jumping on the trampoline! Lol.. We are very close to setting that up!...

All in All nursing isn’t at all what I expected or how I would “feel” about it and I’m very happy I tried it this time around. Although it’s a big adjustment for everyone I’m thankful I have a very supportive husband and kids. Just listen to Stuart when Shania is crying…”Mommy- get your shoulder and feed Shania”…(boy is he going to have a surprise when he gets to health class J)

Shania Ross is completely different from her siblings. I mean all kids are different but she is just plain different. If she is a wake and in her carseat- she is probably screaming. I am not joking- we were in the car waiting on Sondra to get off the bus so we could run some errands and I had to drive up and down the driveway just to soothe her. My other 2 “lived” in their seats… Shania wants held, talked to, soothed too. It’s kind of nice though. Shania slows down time when she requires that extra attention. Might annoy my other family members because not a whole lot of cleaning or anything gets done- but yea I’m infatuated with this girl. I can report Friday night we were at the Abbey’s and she fell asleep on the way home. I just left her in her car seat expecting her to wake up in a hour or so to eat and well she did wake up but not till 6:55am the next day…I was feeling good! So good- I went to a Mom to Mom sale to look for a swing which I got a really good steal for $25. It’s one I always wanted but didn’t want to pay the money and what do you know- there was a used one there!

I was very excited for Shania’s arrival. As a mother I wondered how I would feel about her. Obviously I would love her but would I be as head over heels as I was when Sondra was born? Would I keep her in my arms as much as I did with Stuart? I just wasn’t sure. But I’m in love. So much in love that I’ve spent days just sitting in my chair or hours at night just staring at her sleeping. I just feel like I want savor the moments with her. She yawns all the time just like her sister and when her eyes are open she reminds me of Stuart. As she becomes more and more full or in other words fatter- I swear she looks more like Sondra but with dark hair. And they all look like their Dad when they are born too. I have a hard time seeing who they look like between me and Jake but I do see similarities with Sondra/Stu to Shania. At the Mom to Mom sale I seen 2 different school friends and they both said how much Sondra reminds them of me. Which is cool to hear.

Alrighty! So I’ve blabbed on long enough! I’ll update more later…I’ve been enjoying my time off and as of now at 4 weeks I feel like I’m going to have a really hard time going back to work. It may change in a few more weeks. Who knows! Pray I get more done at home this week- my house really needs a good clean!  Also- Shania has a appt Friday and pray for her bili levels to come back better..we have been having to get her Bili tested every week to check her jaundice level. It’s coming down but it’s not fun having her heel pricked each week.

Love,

Me 

Last post b4 Shania :)- a little everywhere today

I've always known I have some pretty awesome support but really I am blessed. No really- the daunting thing when expecting #3 was the fact that we needed some stuff... It's a awesome feeling when friends and family shower you with such things when they don't really have to.. Whether it was money to get something for Shania that she needed or specific things people knew I needed it's just a blessing.

The count down is on for this Mommy- I am so ready for Shania's arrival.....yet- emotionally I'm not... Make sense? I have hugged, loved, cuddled, held even when it hurts Mr. Stu just to soak up his last days of "the baby"... Sondra seemed so much more mature or independent when Stu was coming...not so much Stu... its odd... I'm sure I have said it before but I'm interested...fearful...ready for our family dynamic to change...things change when you add family members...I wonder how it will be... I'm excited to deliver Shania and to have those first precious moments of a little family together...then introduce her to her Big Sister & Big Brother...I know Sondra will be a MommaBear...And Stuart..I'm not sure...I ask him how he will hold his sister and he shows me but then says I will throw her too....yet he gives his baby hugs and kisses  (on my belly) every time we depart it seems.... lol...his reaction to all this or his settling in will be interesting...

I have been having Braxton hicks but last weekend and this week they are actually starting to not feel so good...which is kind of exciting because I never was able to experience "true" labor so it's cool to actually identify what was going on... 

When I found out I was pregnant I put a count down on my phone... Each time I looked at it I thought man that is so far away but now each time I look at it ... I get scared! lol not that I can't handle a baby but it seems so long ago since Stu... I'm not sure how it is to have a newborn in the house again.. 

In true fashion when something important  is about to happen one of my children get some type of infection.. A few weeks ago Stu had fifths disease and Monday when I picked him up from daycare I notice some spots on his face.. We take him to doc Tuesday night sure enough the doc prescribed a tube of Bactroban to treat his impetigo ... Deep breaths deep breaths... At least I have a big new tube of Bactroban to supply to my dirty adventurous children and the AE wrestling team... :) 

My last week of work is going slowish then fast.. I think in ready to deal with a crying newborn then some overgrown children... Does that make sense? I feel like I got some more stuff to get done but yet my fill in aunt misty will do just fine... I feel like this time around I have "bigger" responsibilities for a job and want her to be prepared. 

At times I feel like I'm going to die... Each time I stand up I feel like I gotta pee or I feel like this babe is about to pop out but yet my doc says she is head down but I'm "closed" whhhaat closed? I can't be which makes me wonder how much she will weigh just bc I have so much pressure .... Sondra was a 9 pounder .... Stu was a 7lb 8ozer ... I wonder if my babies will get smaller with each one of maybe I'll just have "big" girls which would make no stinkin sense at all...

Sondra has been especially excited for Monday...The other night when I said Brittany will pick you up from school and bring you up to the hospital... she says Mom..Can I hold her first before Stuart?..lol... Of course hunny.... (b.c. Stuart isn't as jazzed as you are about a sister).....so that's the plan... My C/S is scheduled for Noon.... My SIL is bringing the kids up about a hour and half later..and they are meeting their Baby Shania. Then let the visitors come :)...

Sondra is growing up..I mean growing up... this week she wanted to tell me something but we were in front of Jake & Stu..and I say what?? and she says- I'll wait..I need to tell you in private...my brain starts racing.. Oh my goodness what could it be... then once she tells me it was out of the blue...she says Mom: what if people make fun of me when I get a adopted brother?..... I'm not sure what it brought it up..we have talked we hope to adopt in a few years after Miss. Shania..maybe her impending arrival has made her think of this..but why??? and why did she need to ask me this privately? so grown..also yesterday we are doing laundry at my parents and she changes into a tank top and shorts and tennis shoes and begins making laps around the house running jumping everywhere... when asked what all of it was about she replied she needs to exercise b.c. she is so big and tall....also she says some of her friends are a lot skinnier than her..even their Mom is skinnier than her... gggrr...so if your related...or see Miss regularly..please don't mention or anything about her attributes... lol... I'm thinking about how to approach this skillfully... We insisted she was just right and everyone is different and it doesn't matter... but this "discussion" isn't over between Mother & Daughter...

One thing though..I am not looking forward to the whole C/Section part...I don't even know how to explain it...its so...uncomfortable..not painful..but just awkward... I'm ready to get it over with...I don't look forward to the recovery either...its a painful first few days..but I'll get through it!...its all worth it in the end..

My weekend???.. Friday I have my 10 year Anniversary...lol...Saturday actually marks 10 years...but its been 10 years since I so boldly talked to Mr. Clum and advised him he should call me to hang out sometime... this time of year is always sentimental and gooey for me :)...at the time my math teach/Wrestling coach gave me the paper to jot my number down..which turns into my brother in law which makes me laugh.. I asked for it and he says WHO??..I said Jake Clum..then he goes oh okay!... a few years later.. Jake comes over to Allen East to help coach...whose the greatest matmaid of all time...this girl in my opinion lol :)....SO!...how are we celebrating our 10 year meeting?...lol..Well Jake will be at districts all weekend while I go out to a nice dinner with My Sister & best friend Andrea on Friday... lol... :)...no kids nothing..I'm excited...and then Jake will get home late Saturday night and on Sunday we will be doing "last" minute things ending with Sunday Dinner..then..Shania comes Monday..wow... its kinda of funny... on our wedding anniversary in June we got to have our first ultrasound and Shania's arrival is right after our "10 year"....    

So Please if you could send prayers up for a safe delivery a fast recovery...and a pleasant "acceptance" from my kids for Shania's arrival in the family.. :) - see you on the other side!

    

funny stories/EPing/or/EBF/TodoShania/proud

Please forgive me its been over a month since I have wrote... I actually have started a few but couldn't find time to finish them.... here are a couple funny stories to start off....

1. Sondra was off school yesterday for MLK JR day... when I tell her we are going straight back to ranch to do laundry she gets mad b.c. she wanted to go home and play in her room and I said we its not happening I have to do laundry...and she then tells me she just needs a day to herself...how did she spend her day off of school..she lounged around watching movies all day at my sister in law Brittany's  house..and Sondra still feels she needs more ME time lol...grrr...

2. a couple Sundays ago we decided in Sunday school we are going to go to Cabela's in MI right after church. on our way driving past the Perrysburg exit we see that mosque and the kids immediately say they want to stop at the castle..LOL...instead of explaining I'm not sure if it was me or Jake but one of us says you have to be a royal or be royally invited to visit the castle...I then ask..well what princess you think lives there..and after thinking Sondra says..I think it looks like Jasmine's castle... :).... we wholeheartedly agreed with her..she is so smart. They were excited about and Sondra asked what other castles we would see. I told her the princesses lived all across the united states! She then wondered out load where prince Eric lived since  she thought he was cute...lol..made me laugh..she is moving up..a few years ago she told me she loved the beast and not to worry he didn't scratch her with his claws...lol... at Cabela's Stuart loved all the deer and stuffed wildlife BUT he didn't like the scary polar bear scene where its hunched over "eating" another animal..I had to bribe him telling him if he didn't smile while taking a picture in front of mommy's favorite animal (polar bear) there would be no new gun!!!>.....Sondra walked away with her first compound bow in pink...I think she likes the thought of it being like Merida from brave..as soon as we got back home her and Jake went out and tried it out... :) it was a fun filled trip and that's what I like... spur of the moment just us!...

3. Stuart loves "punching time" with his Dad... he will just run up to him and scream "punching time"..and they then start punching each other...well last Sunday right before we are leaving...and I kept telling them nagging them..COME ON! Its time to go... Stu ended up crying this punching session... and while in Sunday school in front of all the kids when my comes to him to ask how his week went he says bad acting all sad..and My mom goes well why??..and he then demonstrates how his Dad punched him in his face, head, stomach ect. lol..Sweet boy he is..  

Okay..enough of funny stories..If I think of more I'll add them..3 is probably good so far!.. lol

Christmas was great... the kids loved their gifts...especially the trampoline which we have been itching to put up but wanting to wait for warmer weather...I can't wait till Shania is born and me and the kids go out jumping having a ball. I'm fortunate Jake was very open to getting a trampoline.. I didn't realize how much I missed playing on one till I seen my kids having a ball playing at the Massie's...

How about Shania?? ... she of course hasn't let me forget she is in charge... She kicks her Daddy & Siblings when they snuggled close up to my tummy...so hard..even Stu looks up at me and says: Mommy Shania kick me in my Head!!!!... Sondra the one night was checking out my bare belly and and watched Shania keep shifting her weight and my belly was misshapen and Sondra exclaims: EEEEHHHHH THAT'S WEIRD!! I sincerely was counting the days till she is in my arms... but I can wait somewhat...today marks one month of work left till my last day then off for at least 10 wks... here lately..I'm looking forward to it...hormones & dumb-asses have got me feeling that way :) I know that isn't nice or christian to say..but facts are facts...

I've lately been consumed with reading learning the whole breastfeeding thing... at first I was all formula feeding gal..but then learning about how insurance covers a pump I thought maybe I should give this breast feeding a try... then I was all about exclusively just pumping...and now I'm to the part of I'll try breast feeding and then eventually pumping when I go back to work... and now reading more and more... I wonder how I will feel about the breastfeeding issue...its the most natural way a mother has fed their child from the beginning of time...but I don't find it appealing...either way..I'm going to give it a try... go in with a open mind...and I know everything I have read- just to stick with it and try to find supportive people...which makes sense If you have supportive partner and family..you are more apt to excel whether it be Exclusively Breast feeding..or Exclusively Pumping... its a lot of work....but with support...I know I can do this...  I'm curious how Stuart will take all of it... he will be home with me and Shania while I'm off...Sondra seen it a few times that age..but didn't really "comprehend" it all..as she got a bit older when Ainsley was born she actually understood it  being around it and now thinks nothing of it... I'm assuming that how Stu will be but comprehend it sooner since he will be around it much more. hmm... things to think about that I'm sure aren't big issues but I over think everything... I mean everything :)

Something totally goofy but neat I seen somewhere and thought I'm going to do that!!!... and I actually did...I made email accounts for my kids and I've then them a couple short messages..pictures I take of them on my phone or video on my phone and send to their accounts or funny things they say I send... I'm going to find the files for their birthday letters on my laptop and send those to them too...

Saturday I was unexpectedly left all to myself all day... the day before my in laws asked for the kids... I was all for it..and then when Jake tells me to make sure they are ready by 10am..I was really okay with it...and then when his Dad came and I asked when would they might be home... and heard maybe 9..I was really happy... lol... I got my dishes done..living room straightened up all the clean clothes put away... and the armoire cleaned out ready to be moved out of the kitchen...so I can get my NEW dishwasher picked up from my in laws (our Christmas gift from them).. I'm very excited!!! but I had a great day actually cleaning and resting some..but by 7pm I just sat there and looked around..I was too sore to move but felt uneasy that my house was that quiet... I was happy to get a text quarter till nine saying the kids would be home in a few :)... I'm thankful for parents that don't mind taking the kids... nice "break" for me... We are so blessed for both sets of parents and siblings that always help out...


So..to do list before Shania gets here...
1. Kitchen needs a full clean up..armoire out declutter everything!...
2. I need a bassinet (which thankfully Nungester cousin has one for me to use) just a matter of getting it
3. Need a boppy pillow or attempt to locate the one we had with Stu (Jake may have confiscated it and used it for a pillow lol)
4. Bottles? the whole breastfeeding issue interferes with this todo item..I'm sure its something we may just run out and get if
5. Order breast pump- which I'm doing Friday... b.c. of insurance you are only allowed to order no sooner than a month before delivery...
6. acquire hand me downs from Jess' girls..which she is working on that as we speak..she sent me a pic of piles saying she is trying not to cry... after I get those I'll sort through and see if I really need to buy anything and make a trip to Once upon a child...

I think that is it???? lol... once Shania gets here and I'm home... a lot of things are gonna change in the clum household..like we will finally put in a washer and dyer should be warmed up by then...the kid's rooms will get a make over..with Mommy being home I'm going to sort donate toys from Mostly Sondra's room... and Stuart will need a new bed...I've thrown around the idea of bunk beds for both rooms... Sondra has mattress but needs a new bed frame..   Stuart & his friend Connor broke his toddler bed after a jumping session..which.. it was originally Sondra's toddler bed. so it made it through 2 kids...it done its job!! :) so big changes coming soon :)

also he will be totally annoyed/irritated I even mentioned this..but I'm proud to say My Hubby has quit chewing...its been over a month..I'm so proud of him...I love that man... I pray its for life..but the effort he has put forth this far is amazing...I can't believe it myself..

well that's all I got...hopefully I can update you sooner..and not wait another month... jeeze time slips right through my hands...

Love you ,
Me <3