You see this picture… today I sat down and pulled out my planner. A planner I pretty much coveted until I got one for myself…then I carried this planner wherever I went. I decided on purses on the sole reason if it fit my planner in it with the rest of my junk. Yes I love my planner seriously. Also- I have never believed that I am busy enough to need a planner but just writing down what you got going on daily makes you feel good? Does that make sense to anyone?? Anyways- this picture shows you something. Sunday night before I had Shania I took my planner out and moved my bookmark to the week that I would return to work. I was deciding then I wasn't going to be ruled by what day it was. I was going to sit and wonder at my sweet babe without worrying about what I was doing that day or the next. That is what I learned with my other 2 maternity leaves. This time if I didn't get the house cleaned or supper made… who cares! The planner has kind of been a symbol of going back to the “real” world where I don’t have time to hold my baby for 2 hours while she slept just because I want to really know and remember how it felt to hold her. Or the mornings when Shania is napping while Stu & I go have a morning jump session on the trampoline before 9:00am. So this bookmark was set and as the May 5th date became closer and closer I dreaded it. I emailed my boss and asked for the additional 2 weeks off so I would be off the full 12. Then as the new date started getting closer I dreaded it even more. I just couldn't get out of my head as I looked at my kids what I would be giving up to return to work and get very little of my paycheck after daycare & gas was taken out. Honestly I planned on working after Shania was born. It really started about 4/5 weeks ago. These feelings really snuck up on me and realizing it was doable for me to stay home just kind of made the choice for me.
On May 5th I went up to work and officially gave my “2 weeks” and oh my. That was a big relief. I had fears of disappoint from there. The tank wash isn't some big business it’s a family business that the Lawrence s and Kings own. I always believed I’d work there all my life. I took a lot of pride starting there my Jr. year in high school December 2004 and worked there ever since. I took pride that I started there answering a phone and putting bills in a computer. After I got done with bills then I did my homework. Over the years I have learned a lot and how the business functioned and have met some interesting drivers and I took on more responsibility. My title still remained “secretary” leaving- I felt like I wasn't “just a secretary”. After telling my boss Doug I wasn't returning I got in my car and felt “free” yet so devastated. I just have never had another job besides this one and in reality I’m worked for my Mommy and Aunts/Uncles…no matter how well I did my job I know my Non related coworkers assumed I felt “entitled” or untouchable. That was the only downfall of working for your family business. I’d like to walk in somewhere and succeed on my own merit or really not having anybody think it isn't on my own merit. What will I miss the most?- working with my family. Sure things aren't rainbows and butterflies all the time and working with family is another whole stress category but it is nice too. I always laugh when a “regular” driver come in and think I was Deb & Doug’s daughter. LOL Deb & Doug are sister & brother and my Aunt and Uncle. By the end of it I wouldn't even correct it. Yes I will miss the people.
So yeah- I’m a Stay at Home Mommy. That sounds so strange to say! With the reality of this is my life- I have started to set a better schedule. Once Sondra is home for the summer it will probably get even stricter with the 2 older kids. I’m slowly somewhat cleaning up my house and it will get better and better.
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| enjoying Little Miss... |
So- does it surprise you? Someone who worked full time and then tried taking care of her home and family- I never really accomplished that. I can certainly say to the working mothers- I don’t know how you do it. I could never do it or I did it but I wasn't happy with it. Keep your head’s up and call me if there is anything I can help you with….This is a new adventure in my life- and I’m excited to take advantage of these times with my kids. I’m not saying I won’t return to the workforce in a year or 2. Maybe I’ll finish college? Maybe I’ll find that I’m so content at home and have a few more babies? Who knows? But for the time being- I’m choosing time over money.
Love,
ME
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| My Parenting Motivation..this is what I am thinking and working on.. |
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