So I thought I would be updating everyone on Friday...but I ended up not going to work...
As I was getting ready Friday morning I knew it would be a tough day... so tough I made sure to put my Grandma's perfume...her scent that is familiar to me and gives me some ease when i smell it.... I have not been to many funerals to begin with..Usually they have been older people...I thought all week about Nathan..his life...his family... I thought about the things he had done in life and accomplished..but yet was sad for the things he was never able to do..
since having kids I have become somewhat more open to share my feelings...but still I like to be left alone in sadness. I know that does not make sense but that is me. I would rather cry by myself. In my most sad times I usually cry in my car or tub. Silly I know.
On Friday- I had deiced I was going to be strong. I was going to see for myself and actually I may start believing that Nathan really did pass away. I all week just could not believe it. I just thought there is no way there has been a mistake. So I wait my turn to see him. I look at him- Still as handsome as the day I last saw him...strong Joie...Stay strong..I starting thinking about what he will miss....I turn to go hug his Mom and sisters and just see them...and that is where my strength..whether be a lot or not..I lost it and did not know where it went. I hug them and managed to only say a few words- nothing that I really wanted to say..but I was there. Being present is enough I hope. I am so sorry that they have had to go through this but pray that no one else close to us or anywhere have to deal with a loss like this. We sang the national anthem at his service and it has made me teary eyed before but now- it gave it much more meaning. I always stood and placed my hand over my heart and thought of the service my cousins and brothers, uncles, grandpas had given to our country..but now.. like on Saturday at wrestling standing for the anthem..I only saw Nathan's face when I stared at the flag. Although it was a very tough service it became easier when people shared memories of Nathan and who he was as a person. I am not sad for him...He is in heaven...I'm just sad for his family. He was a good man...and anyone who knew him would agree.
On a much lighter note..maybe it can cheer you up...Sondra has been crazy... she is so funny... we walk into church today...one of my cousin's friends is standing by the door to the Jr. Sunday School..and Sondra just giggles...I drop stuff off in the nursery..and come back and Still Sondra has not gone down and now my cousin is standing by the door...I say Sondra get down there...and she says i am waiting mommy....and I say on what...and she says Colt...so this kid comes out..she giggles..and sprints....then later my Mom says Sondra makes her go out to the door to the sanctuary and points out and says..look there is a wrestler boy named colt..but not colt Lovejoy...its someone else..and just giggles...well we go to Grandpa Kenny's for lunch....and she won't leave those boys alone...she follows this guy around like a love sick puppy...the boys go outside to load some hay for Jake...and she wants to go and I say no...I ask her why she wants to go out there..and she says to see Cole...(someone had corrected her on his name)...she kept asking the other cousins where Cole was...well after a little bit..I realize Sondra has gone missing....I wonder where she has gone...of course the barn...I call Jake and he confirms.... I am going to have some problems with this girl...Thursday its "dopey" from Snow White.. Last night the Beast was her hubby...now she is on to Cole a Freshman in High-school....I get her from the barn and I say what were you doing..."Playing with Cole, He was trying to get me"...and my Mom says you didn't let him...he has cooties...and she says no..he didn't touch me...only my Daddy's Coat..
So I am finally getting my Kindle and I am so excited! Jake is getting it for me. In true Jake fashion he asked me how much they were. I tell him..then he asks if He could get it anywhere cheaper lol...No its a kindle only amazon sells them. Jake really does spoil me. He says it doesn't pay me back for all the "single Motherhood" I endured this year for wrestling but I said it sure helps :). My Kindle is supposed to come no later than Tuesday but I checking it and its supposed to come tomorrow by the end of the day at my work!!!>..So tomorrow..I am going to go to work...try and get everything done I need to so I can play with my kindle as soon as possible!...So excited!
Well I must be going! I'll update soon I am sure...
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